Status Updates From Almanac of the Dead

The bassets were pure and noble. They waited their turns with him one by one; it was a ritual, their excited barking in anticipation; then, after martinis, he had sex with the four bitches. His basset stud was a good sport. The bitches were receptive to the dog only twice a year, but they had been trained to accept their master from behind anytime.

Here's one of life's little mysteries: aristocratic bloodlines seemed genetically incompatible with physical beauty. [He] would be the first to admit the rich were ugly; only great fortunes had made it possible for ugly blue bloods to continue reproducing themselves. [He] knew that [they] only stayed as long as there was dope and money.