Status Updates From The Graveyard Shift (24/7 D...

(11h 33m) I love the aesthetic of this. Lloyd and the angel 8-ball, sitting on the curb outside the remains of this demolished gas station, bloodied, disheveled, and bruised (probably with plaster and glass falling out of his hair) watching the sun rise.
A new dawn, a new day.
They survived.

(11h 54m) "Hey Bubby. I'm sorry he ate you too, I tried man."
🥺
.

(11h 42m)"This guy had a way with big words, didn't he?"

I'm sorry, "big words?"
"Do not be so careless, woman. Cages are easy to escape. The creature is not vanquished. Only trapped."

Yes, truly a walking thesaurus.

(12h 7m) He just lept over a counter and totally toddler chomped one the spider's nasty arachnid legs.
.

"Remember, true victory will be sweet."

Either we're about to defeat another monster with gas station food (which, valid. It's gas stationfood after all) or Lloyd's about to eat the uber donut and power up like Mario.

(12:10) Well, that ended violently abruptly and rendered the whole act of bringing in the guardians rather pointless. I would have like that op monster versus op monster battle to have lasted longer than a handful of sentences.

It felt like a waste of a move.

(12:51) "That's right, if seen Guardians of the Galaxy."
Can't even blame him, that scenes iconic.

(13h 18m)
"Can you not talk about DeeDee like that?"

Oh? Oh really?
Shall we replay some of Lloyd's greatest hits?

"..at some point while I watched delicious curves and steller personality."

".. because, you know, gentlemen take bullets for ladies they secretly love and one day hope to put their pnis inside of."

"I watched her boobs jiggle as she fought off the beast."
Pot.. meet Kettle

(13h 33m) 5:50 5:49
"This guy got laid. And I don't. Nice guys do finish last." Hunny, I'm front and center to all your greatest hits so far, and I promise you, the only nice thing about you is the sight of you leaving.

(13:42) I hate this deeply embedded trend of letting men off the hook bc it's easier than holding them accountable for their actions. This is exactly why men are the way they are.
.

"That's just stupid rocks!"
"Can you even read?"

Hi, I'm Jared, I'm 19, and I never learned how to read.

(13:53)"I tried to slide in front of her, because, you know, gentlemen take bullets for ladies they secretly love and one day hope to put their p🍆nis inside of."

I'd like to give this book 3⭐️s, bc while the writing is mediocre at best it was still entertaining and very creative. But I feel like that would be unfair; bc had I had to read it physically, it would have taken me months. The mc is so obnoxious.