Status Updates From Ghosts/Aliens

'The gays are known for exaggerating. Big time. Steve Patton’s brother, Greg, said there was a million people over at Josh Marshall’s house last Saturday, but I talked to Josh and he said there was only eight. (Steve Patton’s brother is gay…) Also, there is enough paranormal activity each day that you don’t have to talk to any of the ethnics either.'

Hamburger, Trey. Ghosts Aliens . Crown. Kindle Edition.

'Do you think gay people would eat dick-shaped crackers? Probably.'

Hamburger, Trey. Ghosts Aliens . Crown. Kindle Edition.

'In the end though, there’s nothing that you can do to emotionally prepare yourself for a floating couch cushion or an alien going berserk in your backyard. So just keep a picture of Little Richard with you at all times, because it’s impossible to stay scared when you look at it.'

Hamburger, Trey. Ghosts Aliens . Crown. Kindle Edition.

'What’s the deal with these dead grandpas popping up and attacking people all the time? I don’t know. I’m sick of it, and that’s what we’re going to find out.'

Hamburger, Trey. Ghosts Aliens . Crown. Kindle Edition.