Status Updates From Waiting for Tom Hanks (Wait...

yes, it is incredibly weird that you have been writing fanfiction about your friend and her boss. you strange little woman!

“you’re your own tom hanks” — i fucking knew it!

45 minutes until the flight takes off? yeah, your not gonna be able to talk to him at the airport. just call him.

she’s mad at him? after she betrayed his trust and took a picture of him sleeping? she is expecting him to apologize to her? what the fuck is this book?!

damn, that was immediate. that was stupid as hell. incredibly insane to send a picture of someone sleeping regardless of who you are sending it to.

why would you send a picture of him sleeping? i have a bad feeling about this!

girl, do not yell at man for dating someone else when you were literally dating someone else like an hour and a half ago. please don’t piss me off! i am begging you!

i kinda didn’t agree with her about him making fun of her. i thought she was just being ridiculous but he agreed that he was doing that and her other date agreed too so now i feel insane.

i feel like she’s gonna realize that she’s the tom hanks she’s looking for or some shit like that. i am basing that solely on the question of tom hanks’ house boat since she also has a big ass house that you would question how it’s possible she affords it in a romcom.

chloe, the way i’m fighting you. it really doesn’t take much to make a movie star look better than an ordinary dude but he came to the date sweaty and STINK, he doesn’t drink coffee but came to a coffee shop, and is talking about eating food from the dumpster. i’m getting up and i’m walking away.

okay, girl i’m gonna need you to be more delusional or i guess less oblivious. the man just called you beautiful and she’s acting like he’s lying.


you would think i’ve never read an ali hazelwood book with the way her obliviousness is pissing me off.