Status Updates From Легенда об Уленшпигеле (Rus...

HERE BEGINS THE SECOND BOOK OF
THE LEGEND OF THE GLORIOUS
JOYOUS AND HEROIC ADVENTURES
OF TYL ULENSPIEGEL AND LAMME
GOEDZAK IN THE LAND OF FLANDERS
AND ELSEWHERE

"Ah!" said Mathyssen, " there lives a man who is sadder even than you are-Grypstuiver the fishmonger. None speaks to him, and all avoid him, so much so that when he wants his pint of bruinbier he is forced to go out all alone to the poor folk of the Roode Valck. Verily he is well punished."

And at my feet stretched out on every side the land of Flanders, with a few lights shining here and there, and I said to myself: 'They that rise early and work late, surely they are the blessed of God!'

...might confiscate their property. Verily they all believe in the integrity of my zeal for the Roman faith, and when I leave them they are full of regrets. Yet for heresy there have perished at my hands fifty thousand of their bravest men and of their tenderest maidens, in the Netherlands alone. But still they grieve at my departure.

...which one can provide for the populace. For just as we nobles are wont to cherish most those mistresses who cost us most, so also it is with the people. The more we make them pay the more they love us. That is why I have tolerated the reformed religion in Germany while punishing it severely in the Low Countries. If, however, the German princes had been Catholics I would have made myself a Lutheran so that I...

'Did you notice,' says the Emperor, laughing and hic-how little was needed to move cuping at the same time, 'ho these good people to tears? Heavens, how they wept! You would have thought it was the deluge! That fat Maes who made the long speech, why, he cried like a calf! Even you appeared to be affected but not quite sufficiently, perhaps. Really there is no doubt that these are the best of all the entertainments...

...smells of the tavern, no place, that, for a King to seek his pleasures in, he who may have his choice of all the sweetest bodies in the world, of skin like satin fresh from perfumed baths, and of hands of high-born ladies, very amorous. Such as these, says His Majesty, are more fit for him, surely, than some half-mad wench that is come, scarcely washed, from the arms of a drunken soldier.

He suffers from a catarrh and always keeps coughing. Beside him is another, a young man with an ugly face like that of a hydrocephalous monkey. I saw him once at Antwerp. He is King Philip. At the present moment he is being rebuked by His Sacred Majesty for having slept out last night away from home. Doubtless, says His Majesty, he was at some brothel in com-pany of a trollop of the town. His hair, it seems, ...

...air, with the plume in his cap wagging joyously in the breeze.

...Ulenspiegel, " it will break with dread at my approach."
"Stay," said the Landgrave. "Here is the first bit of your rope, ," and he gave him fifteen florins.
"All thanks to you," said Ulenspiegel, " and I promise you that every tavern on the road shall have a thread of it, a thread of that gold which makes Crœsuses of all those rascally tavern-keepers."
And off he went on his donkey, holding his head up high in...

"Fool in your folly," said he, " you make boast that you go through the world praising what is good and fair and making mock of foolery, and you have dared to make open game of so many and so high-born ladies, and of their yet more noble lords, bringing ridicule on the pride of their nobility! Of a truth I tell you that the day will come when you will hang for your free speech."
"If the cord is of gold," said...

...you were a prisoner."
The lady went away, and now there appeared a young maid of honour, fair, fresh, and comely, only that she lacked three teeth under her upper lip.
"Sir painter," said she, "if you do not paint me smiling and showing through my parted lips a perfect set of teeth, I'll have you chopped up into small pieces at the hands of my gallant. There he is, look at him."

"When you paint my portrait see that you take off half my fat at least. Else will I order my soldiers to have you hung."
The Duke passed on. And next there came a noble lady with a hump on her back and a bosom as flat as a sword-blade.
"Sir painter," said she, "unless you remove the hump on my back and give me a couple of others in the place where they should be, verily I will have you drawn and quartered as if...

Talks with a Donkey:

...until he had consumed all that grew by the roadside. And of these there was an abundance.

Talks with a Donkey:

...nothing but your food. You gobbling gobbler, your long ears are deaf to the cry of an empty stomach! But you shall listen to me. I insist!" And he belaboured the ass as hard as he could, till the brute began to bray.
"Come, come, now that you have given us a song!" cried Ulenspiegel. But the donkey would not advance by more than a single step, and seemed determined to go on eating thistles...

Talks with a Donkey:

...misers that shut her up in their coffers, tie her up in sacks, close her down under twenty keys and never let her show herself at the window by so much as the little tip of her gilded nose! This, then, is the gadfly that preys upon me and makes me itch, and tickles me without ever so much as raising a laugh. But there, you are not listening to me at all, friend donkey! And you think of...

Talks with a Donkey:

"Alas! Woe is me! All my pockets have holes in them, and by the said apertures do all my fine ducats and florins and daelders ramble away, flying like a crowd of mice before the mouth of the cat that would devour them. I wonder why it is that money will have nothing to do with me-me that am so fond of money? Verily Fortune is no woman, whatever they may say, for she loves none but greedy...

Sellers of Indulgences...
The Monk's Sermon...
In the Tavern of the Blue Tower...

As he killed them Ulenspiegel said:
"Ha ha, my little pikes, I will call you the Pope and the Emperor, that prey ever one upon the other; but I, forsooth, am the Common Man that shall catch you on his hook, in God's good time, and make an end of your battles!"

Tyl made welcome at Uccle...
Generosity of Ulenspiegel...
The Feast of the Blind Men...
The Dean of Uccle...
Katheline at the Torture...
Kamtheline's Punishment...

...on the ear to such as are too bold. And if needs were we would beat you now like a bundle of corn!"

" Will you come dine with us?" said the prettiest of the archers.
"Willingly would I dine with you," said he, " and dine off you into the bargain! You and all your companions in turn, for you are morsels fit for a king, more delicate to swallow than any ortolan or thrush or snipe!"
"Nay," they answered, "but we are not for sale."
"Then perhaps you will give?" he asked them.
"Yea, verily," they laughed, "a good box...