Status Updates From رسائل إلى ميلينا

“Sometimes I have the feeling that we're in one room with two opposite doors and each of us holds the handle of one door, one of us flicks an eyelash and the other is already behind his door, and now the first one has but to utter a word and immediately the second one has closed his door behind him and can no longer be seen.”

[Cont’d]

,,I can´t think of anything to write, I´m just walking around here between the lines, underneath the light of your eyes, in the breath of your mouth like in some beautiful happy day, which stays beautiful and happy even if my head is sick, tired, and if I have to leave Monday via Munich."

back to it!

„Als du zu ihm gingst, bist Du einen großen Schritt von Deiner Ebene hinabgegangen. Kommst Du aber zu mir, so springst Du in die Tiefe.“ :((

Milena Jesenská
[Prag, 6. Juli 1920]
Dienstag noch später
 
Kaum hatte ich den Brief eingeworfen, fiel mir ein: Wie hatte ich denn das von Dir verlangen können. Abgesehn davon dass es doch nur meine Sache ist hier das Richtige und Notwendige zu tun, ist es Dir doch wahrscheinlich unmöglich einen derartigen Antwortbrief einem fremden Menschen zu schreiben und anzuvertrauen.

Nun Milena

Weiter geht's im Kommentar

This is so personal I feel like I shouldn't be reading it

“It has always seemed quite incomprehensible to me when someone got entangled with me, and I have destroyed several human relationships (that for instance with Weiss) from a logical disposition of mind that always believed more in an error of the other person than in miracles (at least so far as I was concerned).”

[Cont’d]

“So we’ll be together Sunday after all, 5, 6 hours- too little for talking, enough to share the silence, hold hands, look into each others eyes.”

« […] Je lis [vos] deux lettres comme le moineau picore les miettes dans ma chambre, en tremblant, en prêtant l’oreille, en épiant, toutes plumes hérissées. »

‘No one sings as purely as those who inhabit the deepest hell - what we take to be the song of angels is their song’

„Du gehörst zu mir, selbst wenn ich Dich nie mehr sehen würde.“

Hm süß oder possesive ?

“But I wanted to read you in Czech because, after all, you do belong to that language, because only there can Milena be found in her entirety, whereas here is only the Milena from Vienna or the Milena preparing for Vienna.”

love

"I don't remember whether we then went on together or passed each other by, the difference between these two possibilities couldn't have been very great, but that is the past and should remain deep in the past. Is it nice at home?" Cordial greeting -Kafka

Prag, 6.7.1920
Dienstag abend
Sieh, Milena, nun schicke ich selbst Dir den Brief und weiß gar nicht was in ihm steht. Es kam so: Ich hatte ihr versprochen heute nachmittag um ½4 vor ihrem Haus zu sein. Ein Ausflug mit dem Dampfer sollte es werden; nun war ich aber gestern sehr spät ins Bett gekommen und hatte kaum geschlafen, deshalb schrieb ich ihr früh einen Rohrpostbrief: ich müsse...

Weiter geht's im Kommentar

I took a break from this book to read the entire Dune franchise and now my reading comprehension feels to be at an adequate level to parse Kafka’s most basic communiques

‘Forgive me! And when you go to bed tonight, as a good night wish from me, take in - all in one stream - everything I am and have: all of which is blissfully happy to rest in you.’

Prag, 6.7.1920

Ein kleiner Schlag für mich: Ein Telegramm aus Paris, nach welchem ein alter Onkel, den ich allerdings im Grunde sehr lieb habe, der in Madrid lebt und schon viele Jahre nicht hier war, morgen abend kommt.
Ein Schlag deshalb weil es mir Zeit wegnehmen wird u ich alle Zeit u. tausendmal mehr als alle Zeit u. am liebsten alle Zeit die es gibt für Dich brauche, für das Denken an Dich

Weiter im Kommentar

no one besides bea knows how excited i am to read this. i may have to change my name to milena when i finish it.

“Moreover, perhaps it isn’t love when I say you are what I love the most—you are the knife I turn inside myself, this is love.”

“a human can’t last long without a heartbeat, and as long as you are turned away how can my heart go on beating?”

“And how can I fly away if we are holding hands?”

“She has already saved me with her presence”

You are the knife I turn inside myself, this is love. (p. 191)

An Milena Jesenská
[Prag, 5. 7.1920]

Das Mädchen: Heute war es besser, aber um den hohen Preis, dass ich ihr erlaubt habe Dir zu schreiben. Es reut mich sehr. Ein Zeichen meiner Angst um Dich ist das Telegramm das ich heute ans Postamt für Dich geschickt habe ("Mädchen schreibt Dir antworte freundlich und - hier hatte ich eigentlich ein "sehr" einfügen wollen - streng und verlaß mich nicht").

Weiter im Kommentar!

And despite everything, I think that if it is possible to die of happiness then I will certainly do so. And if someone destined to die can be kept alive by happiness, then I will stay alive. (p. 68)

Either the world is so tiny or else we are so gigantic; in any case we fill it completely. (p. 70)

mañana acabo esto y empiezo el libro de celi !

I wish there were Milena’s response letters alongside. Now I have to predict what she wrote by his replies. It’s quite boring that way.

He thinks about her, and instills a sense of care for her. He won’t let her feel negative about herself. There’s one letter he asks if she was sound enough when she addressed herself useless. “One ought, Milena, to take your face in both hands and look you square in the eye, so that you would see yourself in the eyes of the other person, then you could not even think the kinds of things you wrote there.”

such prettyyyyyyy English!!! Formal but also flattering. From the start, he is nothing but a gentleman caring about her well-being and asking her to reply back in the cutest form lol. Also, I liked the beetle description on how it made him realize that there is life beyond writiing/reading her letters.