Status Updates From Kiss & Tell

The kiss was the kind of kiss that put the wings on angels’ backs, made dogs’ tails wag, made kittens purr and put the oomph in making love.

“Ernest is no ordinary cat,”
“He’s a polydactyl telepathic feline.”

Willy said in a high falsetto voice, “Oh, 0699, do it to me again. Peel off my Maxi Spanx and make me come. I love you, 0699, it doesn’t matter that you look like Davy Crockett. Spanx my tooshie harder!”

She looked like Daniel Boone with a vag

“Who’s Sissy?”
“Sissy is my you-know-what.
My woman-center.
My love cave.
My tunnel of love.”

Sister Alice keeps undressing me with her eyes. I can’t possibly sleep in the same room as her.”

Willy ducked her head and buried her face in Allistair’s tits. It seemed the only right thing to do. If she was going to die, this was how she wanted to go.

I want to bump doughnuts with you...


“My V-bomb and your V-bomb equals…” Willy bumped her two fists together, “Boom!”

“Being poor isn’t as romantic as you think it is.
My best friend was a spoon,” Willy said.

She torpedoed out the open window buck-ass naked.

That was when Willy had her first piece of good luck. The downstairs neighbors had a trampoline directly under the window.

She looked like something the cat had dragged in, eaten, coughed up, eaten again, digested, and then shit in one of her shoes.

she did believe in the Law of Murphy. Just when you thought nothing could get worse, it inevitably did. Just when you thought you might catch a break because enough bad shit had already happened, then it rained and things got even worse.

Not very good.