Status Updates From Prince of Chandeliers

(deep breath)
(frazzled goose screams)
will be back with a thoughtful review later.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN COURT JESTER IN SPACE STORY
GINA COME BACK HERE
WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS

*starts making "justice for Cornelius" signs*
oh he's getting his own book
...okay then

Character: wow I haven't seen my boyfriend for 20 minutes. I wonder if he doesn't have feelings for me.
Character: (surrounded by carnage of war) or maybe he's dead
Me: why was that highly logical second option not your first thought. why did you let him out of your sight in the first place. my dear, why--

Author: male fairies are not as brightly-colored as female fairies.
Me: (thinks of peacocks. thinks of cardinals. thinks of culturally restrictive gentlemen’s wardrobes and glittery eye shadow) …ok then

Magic Person: you have three questions.
Protagonist: (asks six)
Me: that's not...this isn't how fairy mathematics works...

Author: and now...a Baba Yaga! Whose name is...Baba Yaga!

Me: ...you don't say?

Gina? :) :) if you hurt my favorite character? :) :) :) who has never done anything wrong, ever, in his life? :) :) :) >:)

Why does the villain get the beetle cloak??? >:(

Characters: let’s have a party!
Cornelius, court jester and a king of whimsy: I love parties!
Characters: a grand ball
Cornelius: yeah! :)
Characters: so romantic!
Cornelius: …?
Characters: just the two of us!
Cornelius: …WOW.

Author: haha you thought this was about a castle of chandeliers? it’s about grief. the shapes our hearts grow into when they must grow around thorns. prepare to feel things, foolish reader
Me: wait no

“would you like some milk”
oh, so are just all bards awkward at comforting people? XD

magic bard magic bard magic bard :) :) :)

Author: I have a Beauty and the Beast retelling
Me: eh
Author: with a language of mathematics carefully explained so readers might attempt to understand or even speak it
Me: GIVE BOOK GIVE BOOK GIVE BOOK PLEASE

Not gonna lie, the silent character speaking in a halting, raspy “I don’t use my voice much” voice makes me go slightly feral.

SEA TURTLE REVOLUTION LET’S GO

As expected, the mysterious jester flopping about in comfy orange robes, being cheerfully unhelpful, and occasionally confused with the furniture, is my favorite.

I do wonder about the protagonist being...so calm about the whole kidnapping thing, though...

Protagonist: I hear someone crying in the woods!
Me: that'd be the foxes.
Protagonist: I should follow it!
Me: ...you're new at this, aren't you.

"nothing could be absolutely certain when speaking to people in hairbrushes."

Thank you, I'll make note of that. Could prove useful. ;)