Status Updates From Are You Mad at Me?: How to ...

The idea of closeness always confused me. Am I doing relationships right? Should I feel closer to people than this?

It’s no longer your job to try to make them understand

Repeating yourself or trying to prove yourself to someone who’s emotionally immature will not work and will keep you stuck in a cycle of pain, anger, and disempowerment. You can begin to move forward when you can accept this reality— and give the younger version of you the validation you’ve been craving: I believe you. What you went through was really hard and it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t deserve that.

If other people see my parent as so warm and kind, why do I feel so hurt by them?

“Oh you should be a lawyer” they’d say, but I just wanted to be heard.

It’s letting go of the hope for a childhood, a family, a parent relationship, a sibling relationship that you didn’t have but deeply wanted.
We can jump straight to acceptance and compassion without first acknowledging the ways in which it hurts, too.

It’s a feeling of I want to go home when you’re in your own family house. It’s knowing that you would be a family oriented person if only you had a family to be that person with. It’s letting go of that last sliver of hope that someone could change and be the person you need them to be.

Grief isn’t just about losing someone when they pass; it’s also about what you didn’t have. It’s wanting to be nurtured but not having a parent who can nurture you. It’s watching other families be with one another on holidays in a way you’ve only dreamed of. It’s wanting to call your parent just to talk but knowing that they won’t listen.