Status Updates From Nine Month Contract (Mounta...

Everly meets Trista 💥

…but the problem is, I don’t just want a surrogate. I want a single surrogate. A single surrogate who’s pleasing to the naked eye and open to love from a grouchy mountain man with a pet goat named Millie and not a lot of girlfriend experience but clearly wants a life beyond mountain views and goat manure. No offense to my girl Millie.

Everly looking for the perfect surrogate (& potential girlfriend) for Wyatt

Uncle Calder’s ad is attracting the wrong kind of ladies, which is weird because based on my spreadsheet, I had some very promising prospects. I’ve never had a spreadsheet fail me before. Never. Spreadsheets are my thing. My dopamine high. When I put together a spreadsheet and see everything laid out all pretty and perfect...it’s better than sex.

Everly might light spreadsheets more than I do 😅

Maybe I should roll up my sleeves to show her the ink of my dead dad’s favorite saying scrawled through the various ink on my forearm? Or prop my Timberland boots on her desk so she can get a good look at the lingering manure on the bottom? Let her really get a good mental image of the loner mountain man with a pet goat who’s seeking a surrogate to fulfill his dream of becoming a father?

Wyatt & surrogacy agent

…how have I kept coming back here time after time? Especially because this is the 4th professional in this agency who I’ve had to reassure that I know what I’m signing up for
Believe me, I know
I’ve had to spend the past year reassuring my entire family that I’m not in the middle of some midlife crisis. Can you have a midlife crisis at 38? It seems a little premature, but try telling that to my 3 brothers

“belly buddy babysitters” = surrogates

these two may actually be the most annoying protagonists in the entire world