Status Updates From Honor C

"Nothing in the world feels more lonely, I think, as the feel of the arms you love around you when they're only trying to soften the ungodly fact that they're leaving." Oh Becky...

"Nothing in the world feels more lonely, I think, as the feel of the arms you love around you when they're only trying to soften the ungodly fact that they're leaving." Oh Becky...

So passionate and fiery and I love every single word and punctuation mark.

5% in and I'm already sad.

Jorge. The prissy firecracker who'd knocked Shirley Setzer on her ass years ago. My Jorge. The spectacularly pretty kid who saw something to love - Dios only knew what -in Gordo Castillo. The thought of losing him was unbearable.

Becky:
But he was home now. Now the end had begun for real.
But isn't it funny how life works? How the deities take the blinders off our eyes to let us see that, sometimes, the things we cling to as our sustenance are really the things that are killing us?

"Take care,"
So that was it. Take care. My heart cracked in two.

I want to fucking slap someone, someone called Honor. Very, very hard!!

Oh yes, I knew all the Biblical arguments about homosexuality. But, in spite of my father's constant preaching about them, I never bought into the idea of God hating any man for something he was born to be.
To break up my family though? What deity would bless the leaving of that precious six-year-old boy who'd just begged me not to go?

This is so much like work for me. Welcome to the wonderful world of a parent who says too much and the children who hear these things.

I truly wanted him more than he could ever imagine. I seemed to be trapped in an awful middle world, though a purgatory between Honor Castillo who pretended to want women and the man who desired men.
I'd done nothing but make a fool of myself. What had I been thinking trying to be romantic and woo him as though I was some Latino Romeo? Roses? Jesucristo.

And now I teetered on a high fence. On one side gaped the awful, dark abyss of the horrible sin I wanted to commit. The other side was the sunshine of my life as it existed, the life where the man I pretended to be lived and smiled and died inside.
My desire for him was too big, and it wasn't going to diminish. I had to go to La Reina Del Rio, and I had to see Jorge dance.

"Do you date often?"....
"If you count a fuck buddy..." He winced.
"Everybody wants only one thing."
A fuck buddy. I immediately thought of Gabriel Barbosa, and the now-familiar jealousy reared its head....

"You were so not the chasing type, Jorge." I snickered. "And come on, muchacho. It's not like this chubby vato, Honor Castillo, would have what it took to break hearts."
His stare - silver bullets and ice - shot to me. "You broke my heart."
"Please don't try to make me feel guilty Jorge." I scrubbed the tingling at the back of my neck. "It wasn't like that, anyway. I just am...not....gay."

Well, Jorge Villagomez." I held up my hands. "You buy it, we'll turn it into your studio."
Without warning, he bounded from the windows and threw himself into my arms. "Oh my God. Oh my God."
And I privately sighed Oh my God, oh my God at the delicious feel of his body against mine, the sweet sultry scent of him.

Honor:
I owed her the truth Rebecca, I don't think about other women. I think about men. I think about touching men, fucking them. She would know once and for all that she hadn't driven me away.

Oh yes, fellow M/M readers, this is a heart squeezer.

Somehow I'd convinced myself that as long as every night ended with the words I love you - no matter what we'd said or done to each other until that moment - everything was going to be all right.