Status Updates From Figli, figlie

i am crying so violently

"My husband leaves the hallway like a ghost, I hear the hallway door, I hear the front gate, I hear departure. I think, these men, how can they carry dead babies yet not hold living ones. Afterward it's all the same, anyway."

picking this back up after eight months did not even vaguely ease the pain! i've continually thought about it. god my heart hurts.