Status Updates From Mothers Who Can't Love: A H...

fuck jill me and my besties hate jill but…. Susan said i should wait until im at least 3 months sober before i finish this book… so idk if i’ll ever finish the book….

“The big sticking point for me is that I just don’t feel . . . qualified to be a mother. How can you give a child what you didn’t have yourself? One thing I refuse to do is have a child and then screw up somehow. And given my history, I’ll probably get everything all wrong.”

“No matter how badly she was mistreated, it’s difficult for a daughter to do anything other than be pulled back into her mother’s world when her mother is suffering.”

“To individuate, the key task of adulthood, is to become your own woman, and it can’t happen if you’ve never allowed yourself the freedom of venturing toward what you want, expressing your talents, and liking what you like. Within your own boundaries, you are in control.”

“‘I feel like there’s an invisible string tying us together and keeping me from getting on with my life.’ Those old feelings are the string. They make you behave in ways that hurt you, and they come up when you least expect it.”

“Mom, I want you to acknowledge that you terrorized a small, defenseless child and you created a lot of damage to my soul that was really difficult to repair. I really wish you had the guts to apologize for what you did and to admit what a coward you were.”

💔

“Forgiveness is not a magic wand that you can wave to change everything, especially when your parents have done nothing to take responsibility for their destructive behavior.””

“Emotionally infantile and insecure, a sexual abuser is deeply dysfunctional and severely disturbed in his personal life, no matter how well he may function in the outside world.”

“Women who were unprotected as children don’t believe they are worthy of love—on an unconscious level, they believe that if they were, their mothers wouldn’t have allowed them to be hurt.”

“Mothers like Emily’s look at their young daughters seeing only “mess” or “bother” or a disruption of the fantasies and plans they had for themselves.”

“• Life is terrible.
• I wish I’d never been born.
• What have I done with my life?
• Why did I marry your father?
• I don’t know what to do. I’ve screwed up my life.”

That's Why I'll never ever bring a child into this mess

“These mothers seem to be very displeased with their lives. They may have come from homes in which they were, themselves, controlled and belittled by their parents. They may be controlled and put down by their husbands or bosses.”

“Blowing up that way might feel good for a moment, but as she well knew, the consequences make your life worse, not better. A lot of people think that if they yell, they’re standing up for themselves; however, not only doesn’t it solve anything, but it also makes you lose your dignity and your credibility.”

“Criticism is the fountainhead of control, and control freak mothers discover early that if you tear your daughter down enough, you strip away her ability to be assertive and her will to resist. So they rely on insults and criticism to keep you one-down, hardly missing a beat when you become an adult.”

“Cruel digs and jokes made at a child’s expense can cut to the core”

“Perhaps most troubling, even when you take great pains as an adult to escape her reach, you’re very likely to carry with you huge reserves of the anger and resentment her control created in you. You may also have a powerful need to exert control in your own life, often by controlling other people.”

“It’s almost impossible to say no to someone you are bonded to with this kind of ritual when the bonds are secured not only with the natural love you have for her but also with fear, obligation, and guilt.”

To me “The overly enmeshed mother” is not really unloving mother. She’s just an overprotective and that’s actually nice.

“It’s not easy for a mother to see a child struggle, and it’s natural to step in and do whatever she can to help. But in healthy relationships, independence is always the goal. For all the help her mother gave her, Stacy grew up feeling inadequate, always focused on her weaknesses rather than finding ways to develop her strengths.”