Status Updates From You're a Better Parent Than...

Principle I You Are the Expert with Your Child
Principle II A Relaxed Parent Is a Better Parent
Principle III Confidence Is a Key to Effectiveness
Principle IV Kids Are More Normal Than Adults Think
Principle V Authority Belongs to Parents
Principle VI Discipline Is Action, Not Words

Her over-reliance on reason is temporarily blinding her to a basic axiom about kids: By nature, children are more focused on doing what will bring them instant pleasure than on doing what adults define as “reasonable.” That’s why reasoning, which can quickly become nagging, is so often an ineffective teaching tool.

Whether a child fathoms the complete why or why not of a misbehavior is irrelevant to whether or not you discipline her. A young child has to be taught to occasionally check her impulses long before she entirely knows why she should. Indeed, the very purpose of discipline is to help her do just that. As she matures, her understanding of why will become more complete and gradually shift from external reasons, like you

To consider discipline itself as mean is a fallacy—one that will slowly erode your attempts to discipline justly and without meanness. Put simply, it is not mean to discipline; it is mean not to discipline.

When you believe in what you’re doing but feel unsure of yourself because others seem to be raising their kids differently, keep in mind three unalterable realities: You are unique; your children are unique; your situation is unique.

People who find fault with your parenting very often fail to realize that they are looking at legitimate differences between your style and theirs. They are too quick to view everything in terms of someone being right and someone being wrong. They don’t recognize your right to instill those behaviors and values you feel are important to your child’s ultimate adjustment as an adult.