Ash

“One of the first things mental health practitioners tell you after you try to die is that your recent attempt is not selfish, not a misery you’ve inflicted on those you love most, but a fatal final symptom of a disease that’s destroying you. Which, sure. Fine. But seeing my younger brother’s face in that psych ward after he’d flown in from his first weeks of law school convinced me I deserved to die in the most torturous way imaginable. Loving people so much it hurts doesn’t necessarily negate the need to die; it just makes you hate yourself more for all the pain you cause, makes you feel your death would be a gift.”
― Anna Mehler Paperny, Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me: Depression in the First Person

“In other words, the earlier your depression starts, the longer it lasts and the longer you wait to start treatment, the longer it will take for treatment to work and the more treatment combinations you’ll need to try before something works. The longer your depression lasts and the more steps it takes for you to find something that works, the more likely it is you’ll relapse in a year and end up right back where you started. The longer and deeper and more frequent your depressive episodes, the more likely they are to keep coming back as your habit-loving brain starts to think this is normal.”
― Anna Mehler Paperny, Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me: Depression in the First Person

“You are horror and beauty in rare combination.”
― Octavia E. Butler, Lilith's Brood

“I just knew there were stories I wanted to tell.”
― Octavia E. Butler