The Next Best Book Club discussion
Non-Book Related Banter
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Need to rant?
I'm 26 but I feel 65 sometimes. Sometimes I just find myself appalled at the attitudes and manners of the young whipper-snappers these days. And I wish they'd stay off my lawn. =\
sorry Kandice, prepared dinner, ate and did the dishes.pssst..send you a reply :-)
I have a small rant. (that makes ME feel small:()My husband had quite a few friends over on Sunday for the Superbowl. He had this dip everyone loves, where you cook Velveeta cheese and chili and stuff in a crock pot. We always get in a tiff over it, b/c I am pretty much responsible for anything even resembling domesticity in our house. He always forgets to turn off the crock pot, so it cooks on there and practically takes a blow torch to clean it. I had told him, after I cleaned everything else up, that he was resposible for the crock pot. He wasn't mad or anything, but...It's Wednesday, and he has not cleaned it! I am an absolute neat freak, so it is killing me to leave it on the counter! What makes it worse, is that he did not work yesterday, and when he does, he gets home about 4 hours before I do. I have been fuming about that damn crock pot all morning. Neither of us have mentioned it, but I just know I am going to break down and clean it! I think that's what he's waiting for. (I am such a pushover)
Fiona wrote: "Blistering barnacles it is cold. "Cold here, too, Fiona.
or put it away in a box so when he needs it he will have to clean it and you won't see it!I am like that too with my boyfriend and I always hope I won't end up doing it anyway...
I like the idea of putting it in a box and leaving it for his next use. I could just not plan any crockpot dinners until then. That cracks me up that you would throw dishes in the garden. You guys have teased me about it before, but I really don't mind washing dishes, it's just this one thing!
Use your womanly charms Kandice! Give the man an incentive to clean it. :-)
hmm. I would kick my husband and take the batteries out of the remote until it got done. haha.For real though...when I ask HIM to clean his plate from dinner or something, he is like a 4 year old. He barely rinses it off, then holds it up and says "is this good enough?"
...I feel like I should ground him or take away dessert.
Susanna wrote: "Fiona wrote: "Blistering barnacles it is cold. "Cold here, too, Fiona."
I had my bath and put on some padded ski trousers.
Kandice, if you put it in a box, make sure that you shrink-wrap it. Otherwise your house will start to smell... and that would NOT be fun.
Or on top of the TV. Or in his car (if he has his own), or in his favorite chair... ;)
If you put it in a box it's out of site out of mind for him. I like the idea of putting it on his side of the bed though.My boyfriend is pretty good about doing dishes, except he's a cup breaker. I think he uses too much soap or something.
Thomas will do the dishes, but not well, so I always have to inspect.
Lol...my dad is like that. Anytime he washes a cup or dish you have to re-wash it before you use it. He thinks that by rinsing in really hot water its clean.
I know! He'll use a little bit of soap if is a pot or something, but even then it's more him rinsing things down with really hot water. Thing is he's partially blind, so he doesn't see the dirt anyway so he doesn't care to him its clean.
My husband is like Allison's, he acts like a total baby when asked to do something he doesn't feel he should have to do. This time, though, when I said he would need to clean it, he just said okay. I thought "Wow! That was easy!". If I were to actually put it on his side of the bed, I think he would get mad. At this point, it's just the principal of the thing! If he had just turned it off when it was empty, and filled it with water, I would have washed it, no problem.
Kandice wrote: "I have a small rant. (that makes ME feel small:()My husband had quite a few friends over on Sunday for the Superbowl. He had this dip everyone loves, where you cook Velveeta cheese and chili and ..."
At the risk of inflaming things, here. It seems to me the crockpot is your problem not his. (Sounds like it needs Soaking, anyway).
My wife, Pam, and I used to have these kinds of power struggles until we got clear about what was really going on. We were trying to change each other. Aint gonna happen. So if there's something I want done, even if I think it's her primary responsibility, I do it if she avoids it and vice-versa. We have entirely different standards and work habits but that's OK as long as we don't expect the other person to be someone they aren't.
Turns out, BTW, that we've each changed a little bit over time (30 years) so that I'm less of a slob and she's less of a neatnik. I'm less of a procrastinator and she less obsessive about getting things done. I do the cooking and she does the dishes. I could go on but I hope you see my point.
To paraphrase someone whose name I can't remember, "Learn to love your spouse's differences, they aren't going to go away."
Actually Ed, I do all the cooking and all the dishes. He hates any sort of domestic chores, and never feels they need done at the same time I do. We have agreed that since I feel strongly about these things, they are my job. I can't expect him to anticipate when I think things need to be done, so I do them myself.The crockpot is a different curcumstance, because in the 20 years we have been together, I have made him aware, at least 20 times, that if I am not there to turn it off when it is empty, he needs to. If he forgets, he cleans it. I asked him to clean it (because he left it on) and he said he would. I don't think I am trying to change him, I am just hoping he will do what he said he would do.
You are absolutely right that it needed soaking. I actually did fill it with soapy water so it would be easier to clean when HE did so. I am happy to report that he was washing it as I walked in from work today. Crisis over;) ( of ocurse, had it been turned off, I would have washed it Sunday evening)
Kandice wrote: "Actually Ed, I do all the cooking and all the dishes. He hates any sort of domestic chores, and never feels they need done at the same time I do. We have agreed that since I feel strongly about the..."I'm glad things worked out. Your husband sounds a little like me. I, like him, eventually get to things but not always as quickly as my lovely wife would like.
Humph! Sounds like all men. My kitchen seems to be replicating dirty dishes right now, but its Thomas's job while I'm working and he's not. Stupid economy.I'm leaving a big, red note on his computer that if some clean dishes haven't regenerated in our cabinets by the time I get home, he'll be sorry. Very, very sorry. And then he'll apologize. :D
Becky wrote: "Humph! Sounds like all men. My kitchen seems to be replicating dirty dishes right now, but its Thomas's job while I'm working and he's not. Stupid economy.I'm leaving a big, red note on his compu..."
While SOME men may fit your stereotype, not all men do. Labeling and blaming is useless. We all have our personal styles. Take a look at "The Odd Couple".
I doubt that big, red notes are motivating. Are you acting like his spouse or his mother? Guilt only works short-term.
I doubt that people fall in love and get married based on their facility with household chores.
Kandice wrote: "My husband is like Allison's, he acts like a total baby when asked to do something he doesn't feel he should have to do. This time, though, when I said he would need to clean it, he just said okay...."That should have made you think Kandice...too easy
Kandice wrote: "Actually Ed, I do all the cooking and all the dishes. He hates any sort of domestic chores, and never feels they need done at the same time I do. We have agreed that since I feel strongly about the..."yaaaahhhooo. what did you say? remember how to do it for the next times?
Becky wrote: "Humph! Sounds like all men. My kitchen seems to be replicating dirty dishes right now, but its Thomas's job while I'm working and he's not. Stupid economy.I'm leaving a big, red note on his compu..."
I used to take te dust of in a previous place, besides his computer becasue he didn't want me too. But if he kept not doing it, every week I started to put a line in the dust with my finger....
Haha! Fiona, my husband can admit to his slobiness too, which is why I don't mind. I don;t think our domestic arrangement has anything to do with stereotypes. It's just that I am very uncomfortable unless everything is in it'splace, and he ould care less. It's just honesty.My mother in law does exactly what you say your mom does! She even has a huge basket with a lid in her kitchen that she will, literally, fill with dirty dishes, to keep them out of sight, until they simply have to be done, or eat off paper plates!
I would bet, since you mentioned that you guys just got to the point where you have been together more than apart, that it's hard to get used to another person in the house. Especially someone not as "neat" as you. I know when my husband has gone on the infrequent trip alone, it's really easy to get used to cleaning up only after myself. My kids are pretty good about cleaning up after themselves.
Ed, Fiona is right, I was poking fun. I've been with my boyfriend a little longer than you have been with him, but when you move in, I promise that you can have the responsibility of making sure that all of his chores are done, and that appropriate reminders are in place for when he forgets. Thank you for your help! It will be such a load off my mind to know that I will no longer have to threaten him with thumb-screws to get the pots scrubbed! ;)
Haha... I think that you are taking our "girl talk" a little bit too seriously, Ed. We're not all sitting around bashing men, we're just talking and venting. Please don't try to "correct" us for that. It takes all the fun out!
LOL Fiona! "Why do you have shoes in it?" You crack me up.
Kandice wrote: "Haha! Fiona, my husband can admit to his slobiness too, which is why I don't mind. I don;t think our domestic arrangement has anything to do with stereotypes. It's just that I am very uncomfortable..."kandice, normally I immediately put things (almost always) back on their place, wash dishes immediately and so on so I have less extra work to do later. My boyfriend is pretty relaxed about it but not very bad in it. But now and then he suddenly without warning starts cleaning up everything, put in order and so...but in a very stressed, fast way. You would think he is angry or soemthing is wrong and he makes me so stressed when he does like that, so he gets angry because I ask questions like are you allright, why do you act so stressed and so on.... really weird.
Rachel wrote: "Becky wrote: "Humph! Sounds like all men. My kitchen seems to be replicating dirty dishes right now, but its Thomas's job while I'm working and he's not. Stupid economy.I'm leaving a big, red not..."
Wow......poor girl . I hope she doesn't suddenly gets an idea of what she is doing. I eman I liked doing those things too at that age but wasn't allowed. Hope she keeps liking when she has to do it in about twenty eyars time. But at least she has good practise, and you both must enjoy it now!
Jeane, Thomas does that "angryish" cleaning thing too every once in a while! I never really thought about it that way, but I know what you mean about it making you stressed out.
Rachel wrote: "Fiona wrote: "Ed wrote: "Becky wrote: "Humph! Sounds like all men. My kitchen seems to be replicating dirty dishes right now, but its Thomas's job while I'm working and he's not. Stupid economy.I..."
You know we rent this place with others from a chinese girl and she and her friends are masters in making everything dirty without thinking so. Their levels are a bit a lot lower than ours. many times they made the kitchen floor really dirty and when we asked if they could keep it a bit clean, especially after all the rest in the house cleaned it like the day before, they started cleaning sometimes after they did the same thing that for us made the floor really dirty. But when we would come in the kitchen we would wonder why it was so dirt. They clean but it is as worse as before the cleaning. You would go over a part with kitchen paper and it would be black. So we clean regurlaly ourselves to prevent them from cleaning!!!:-)
Fiona wrote: "Hehe. I seem to excrete mess wherever I go. Coat draped here, shoes kicked there... I use the excuse though that the shoe wrack (actually a CD wrack but used for shoes) is so covered with rubbish m..."hahahaha Fiona. You know since i got to know you on GR i can really imagine you like that!
Becky wrote: "Jeane, Thomas does that "angryish" cleaning thing too every once in a while! I never really thought about it that way, but I know what you mean about it making you stressed out. "I jsut don't get it why. I mean one moment he is busy on his laptop, playing a computer game or jsut reading a magazine and in one second he is up and starts his stressy cleaning up!!!!! Why????????????????? I try now just to ignore him and focus really ahrd on what I am doing, say nothing and try to let him do his stuff without asking or saying anything to him.
experience and practise over some years does help a little bit, a very little bit but I am earning to deal with it:-)
Yep. I like to clean when nobody else is around too. It's like a combination of "me" time and "get stuff done" time. Its relaxing to clean the house without anyone else bugging me and asking where I put the remotes, etc.
Okay girls, I have to admit... I do the out of the blue angry cleaning thing too. I don't know why, but sometimes things just seem so messed up! My husband usd to get stressed and think I was mad, but after almost 21 years together, he just gets out of the way and lets me relax when I am finished. It doesn't even phase my kids, because I've done it since way before they were born!I like to clean my house with everyone gone too. I mean I straighten all the time, but for a real top to bottom cleaning... Even if it's not really time for it, if everyone is out, I will totally clean. I feel so good afterward. Like you, Rach, I also like to take a SG or Hulk or some kind of break in the middle. Gives me something to look forward to.
Kandice wrote: "Okay girls, I have to admit... I do the out of the blue angry cleaning thing too. I don't know why, but sometimes things just seem so messed up! My husband usd to get stressed and think I was mad, ..."kandice, I think five years start to allow my brain to try not to comment on it. But sometimes i am really wondering if soemthing is wrong!!!! Nad you know what I don't get? When he has one of thos emoments, there is no mess. My regurlaly cleaning up (you can't even call it liek that ebcause it si jsut putting this back immediately and not making a mess) makes sure it isn't urgent to clean up....but he still gets those weird moments....
and it isn't cleaning, but putting his things in order, throwing papers away or amgazines.... weird
I know. It's the same for me. I just get in a "mood" for want of a better word. My house is never dirty, so like you say, it's not in urgent need of cleaning, I just start to feel, I don't know, oppressed or something. It's really more condensing. I may clean out the fridge, the catch-all mail basket, the table where we all throw our keys and things. Just stuff like that. It all of a sudden needs to be done NOW!!!! There are times I can be in bed, reading for the night, and all of a sudden...I'll end up puttering until 2:30 or something. I guess there's something to be said for opposites attracting. Your boyfriend and I might get the urge at the same time, if we were a couple and who knows what would happen!!!!
Can I rant for a minute? Someone said something that I didn't particularly appreciate on one of the other boards.... and I'd like to get it out before I get super-pissed.I'm an engineer. My job is stressful. I never feel like I get anything done (being on this website hasn't helped) because I am constantly interrupted by phone calls from my inspectors telling me that something has gone wrong on the construction site, and they need direction. And then I have to figure out what to do, which I don't know half the time because I'm barely out of college! And then, there are other issues. Do we have money to fix or change something? And the contractor is freaking out because we're delaying work because of our required paperwork... yadda yadda yadda... And then on top of that, I'm supposed to design water lines and sewer lines???? I can't go 20 minutes without someone calling, needing something!! Plus, I have a new boss that is a complete ass-wipe. He's constantly huffing and puffing (not an exaggeration) about some stupid thing. And then, even though I try my best to be nice to him and help him out (because he's new), he's a jerk! The other day, he said the rudest thing to me in a meeting with other professional engineers (from outside the company) who I would LIKE to respect me. Hopefully they can see that he's the JERK, and I'm just trying to be helpful. So, work sucks. As soon as our biggest loser competition is over (May 31), I'm going to get pregnant, have a baby, and get the hell out of here.
SO, when I come home, I need to take a freaking chill pill. My "pills" of choice are books. I read for fun. I read to relax. I read to escape. You have to understand that when I read, I become a part of the story (assuming the writing is good). I'm there with the character. Sometimes I BECOME the character. I go through their experiences. I feel their emotions. I can't read these serious, depressing, moody books that are considered "high" or "real" literature because I would probably kill myself under all the stress. (Okay, not really, but still.) SO WHAT if I read young adult fiction and romance novels? SUE ME. I'm not reading to become "enlightened" or so I can say I've read the top 100 books in American Literature or whatever the hell else people expect of others.
I want to be happy. I want to read things that will help me to achieve that goal. Young adult fiction is GREAT for that! They're these light, cute stories, and usually they don't have a ton of bad language like so many books do nowadays. And plenty of YA books deal with very serious issues--they're not all just fluffy little pieces of cheese. As for the romance novels--those are purely escapist. But I LOVE love stories. I love to see how the hero and heroine overcome whatever physical/emotional/psychological/social/etc. issues they have and just let themselves fall in love. What's wrong with that? What's wrong with loving happy endings?
And it's not like I don't read other things. I've been doing the Winter Challenge, and I've had a wonderful time learning about Judaism, the Cultural Revolution in China, healthier foods to eat, the history of a lot of every day grocery store items, life during the time of integration of American schools, George and Martha "Patsy" Washington. I'm reading a historical fiction book about Pompeii right before the volcano erupts, which I think is fascinating. It's been great. I'm not opposed to reading other things. I love sci-fi, a good mystery. Paranormal stuff is fun. I don't particularly care for fantasy or westerns. I love short stories and poetry and plays.
Everyone has different tastes, but I hate hate HATE when people make me feel stupid or inferior because I'm not reading some Top 100 book that has won a Pulitzer price. I read what I enjoy. I read what makes me happy. Period.
*whew* That was nice.
Sara, you are absolutely right. You read what you want, why you want and let nobody tell you different. Let the book snobs be snobby and you just laugh and continue enjoying yourself. Life is too short to let silly people make you upset about your preference of reading material.
Sara, don't let anyone make you feel like you are reading the wrong things. I think reading the lowest level book, regardless of it's literary merit, is better than watching t.v! If you read to escape, read what allows you to do that. Who cares what anyone else thinks. I like YA too, and your right, it's not all fluff. Some of the so called classics are trash. Does that mean they shouldn't be read? No! Does it mean you are SUPPOSED to read them anyway? NO!If you like romance, you might like to join us in reading Outlander. It is a total escape book! Very little heavy thought required, but very entertaining! We would love to have you.
Ugh! Literary snobs are the WORST. I had classes with a guy through college that would not read ANYTHING popular, he would always say "if its good enough for the masses, I'm too good for it" or something like that. I wanted to shove a copy of the 5th Harry Potter book (because its the thickest) up his rear and out his nose.So you read whatever you want to read! Like Fiona says, YA books often have more merit then many books written for adults. Being able to read serious books (like Pompeii or whatever) one day and a romance novel the next and enjoying them both for what they are is a sign of a well rounded individual, not of someone who should be embarassed by what they read.
Can relate entirely on the reading fluff to destress. I read a ton of romance novels just to give my brain a break when I was in grad school - the histories I was reading were not "light" in any sense of the word. (One of them makes a lovely doorstop to this day.)I've read a lot of "serious" and I've read a lot of "fluff." I've read a lot, period. Like I said on another thread, for me, winning a big prize does not guarantee that I'm going to like a book. Being Shakespeare isn't even a guarantee of that - I love big Billy S., but hate hate hate Romeo and Juliet.
You should never feel "inferior" because of your choice of reading material!
So sad! I loved Romeo and Juliet. (Okay, mostly I love the movie...) Shakespeare's stuff was never meant to be read, though! That's what gets me! It was meant to be watched!I might like R&J, but someone would have to torture me to get me to read Lord of the Rings. Sorry Tolkien, but the movies were bad enough!
To each her own, I say.
Rachel wrote: "But I am currently reading a StarGate novel, so... Clearly I love me some fluff too!"Stargate, like the sci-fi television show? (If so, that makes me feel better about having read the entire "Alias" book series. :) ) I love sci-fi. I need to catch up on BSG....
In SanDiego we have The Old Globe Theatre, which is a reproduction, (supposedly) of the one in England. Anyway, my husband has gotten me season tickets a few times, and I never tire of his plays. It's so thrilling to SEE it. I read them too, but they just make so much more sense visually. I don't mind the modernised versions so much, and my son's class has watched and enjoyed them, so I am glad it got them to pay attention, at least!
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Maybe it's the stroke - who knows? It's rather nice, actually.