Heart of the Matter
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What do you think was the main problem the couple had in their marriage (besides the infidelity)?
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Debbie wrote: "Reasons why I don’t think Nick and Tessa will make it:The reason why Tessa took Nick back so soon is because she’s so desperately in love with him and she has believed (or desperately wants to..."
Well thank you ladies. Just when I think I have this darn book out of my head I read your reviews and everything comes back to me. lol
Debbie, you have some excellent insight into this story. If you have browsed through any of the previous replies you will see that from time to time I have raised some hackles with my (sometimes) defence of Nick. I agree that Nick was behaving like a jerk. He had a very high opinion of himself, was arrogant and often a pompous ass. I don't believe that he was always that way though. If he had been, Tessa would never have fallen in love with him. I still maintain that to some degree Tessa was at fault herself here and although what Nick did can never be justified I truly believe that it takes 2 to make a marriage fail or work.
Debbie, you said that you don't think that this marriage will last. Here is my opinion in reply to each of your statements.
1. Tessa has said that she will try to forgive Nick. If she dwells on the past to such an extent that she is unable to forgive him then that will be the end of the marriage. If she truly loves him (and I believe she does) then she has to make up her mind to move forward and let the past go. I know there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting and she will never forget but I think (and hope) that she can forgive.
2. Nick tells Valerie that he loves her and I agree with you that he wants her to know that she wasn't just a cheap thrill but remember, Nick NEVER referred to his relationship with Valerie as anything other than an affair. "I thought I could justify having an affair because of the way I feel about you" he said. I don't think he EVER gave a thought to leaving Tessa. When he came home he told Tessa that he had slept with Valerie. He didn't really have to do that. He could have been dishonest but he wasn't. He said he can't leave his family. He doesn't have to leave his family, if it's Tessa he doesn't want then he can leave her but he will always be Ruby and Frankies father and have as much access to them as he had before the affair because of the hours he worked. If he doesn't love Tessa and he does love Valerie then why in the world doesn't he stay with Valerie??
3. Those 10 days that it took Nick to decide that he was going to leave Valerie were very distressing. I'm not sure he spent the whole time deciding which woman he wanted because I don't think he ever intended to leave Tessa. He would be dreading the meeting with Valerie and having to hurt her. He admits that he is ashamed of what he did to Charlie and he was putting off telling her as long as he could. During those days he also had to arrange for a referral to a new Dr. for Charlie and we don't know how long that would take. We do know that he didn't contact Valerie during those days and I think that is telling in itself. He could have called her and made some kind of excuse and promise to call her whenever he could rather than just leaving her completely on her own not knowing what was going on. If he was so in love with her wouldn't he want to make things as easy for her as he could? Tessa knew he was in love or at least thought he was in love with Valerie. She must have already accepted that if she then told Nick she was going to try to forgive him.
4. Nick was a jerk but he was still a very intelligent man. He knew exactly what was going to happen the night that Tessa was in New York. There is no way that he would not be prepared before he got there. (I expect that he would have had a condom tucked away in his pocket).
5. Remember that almost 2 months (practically the same length of time that he was with Valerie) have passed since Tessa told Nick to get out. He contacted Tessa continually proclaiming his love for her during that time. If he was willing to live goodness knows where for that length of time and NEVER contact Valerie again then I think it is safe to say that he wasn't giving much thought to Charlie or Valerie once Tessa threw him out. Once she allowed him to come home he would do everything to help her get over what had happened (he actually said that he wanted to help her). He was still seeing his children during that time so it must have been Tessa that he was missing.
6. The Halloween incident and the coin incident are all part of the affair. They were dreadful and I agree that Tessa would have a very hard time accepting them. But here we go again - if she is willing to forgive Nick for having sex with Valerie I think she would know that there were circumstances leading up to that night. Again I go back to my point that if she is going to forgive him then she has got to let it go and concentrate on the future. Remember, this whole affair happened in 7 weeks. That is such a brief time out of lifetime together.
7. The receipts etc. again are all part of the affair. Tessa does not know all of the individual details and I dont really think she would want to. I cant believe that Nick would be so stupid that he would charge things he did with Valerie to credit cards that Tessa would see. Enough time had passed that if there was anything for her to see she would have already seen it before she told Nick she was going to try and forgive him.
What Nick did was horrific and it is something that Tessa (and Nick too), will never forget. If Nick is truly remorseful about what he has done and Tessa can bring herself to forgive him then they will be able to stay together. I think that is what they both want to happen and what they will work towards. Just my humble opinion.
I think the most disturbing part of this book, is that reader is left to wonder if Nick really loved Valerie? Even though I don't believe he did, it makes us so anguished for Tessa, as I always feel falling in love outside of a marriage is the worst betrayal possible.
Hey Linda, thanks for your input. It's amazing how this book brings out such different viewpoints in readers. Did you read my post #246? I think there are different kinds of love. And interestingly to me, the initial "love" that Tessa had for Nick was the "love at first sight" love that really is only based on attraction, hormones (LOL), lust, etc. Now, of course, that initial attraction that she had for Nick developed into something more substantial. But didn't Nick admit he was looking for that same "feeling" when he got involved with Valerie? All I can say is, how shallow, how naïve on his part. I still don't believe they'll make it. I guess if you are looking for HEA like I guess most chick-lit is striving for, then you'd have to give them the benefit of the doubt. I just can't go there. So we'll have to feel free to disagree. That's why in that other post I remarked that in a way I hope EG doesn't write a sequel. It's much more fun for me to imagine what will happen with these characters!
Debbie - excellent points! I agree with all of them and how each would make it extremely difficult for Tessa to forgive or forget... As time goes by, more and more i also dont see this relationship ever working again! I dont see how Tessa could get over all that...
Debbie, I think you may have swayed my opinion. I have always argued that Nick loved Tessa, and not Valerie. While I still believe that is the case, I think you may be right, sometimes love isn't enough.
One more thing, what woman would want to reconcile with their husband if they believe he fell in love with another woman??? I never understood that.
I came across this monologue a few weeks ago and I think this is what Nick realized about "love" the night Tessa returned from NY. After he ranted at her about her about how she had "changed" in an attempt to justify his cheating and she conceded that maybe she had changed, but said she still loved him, he looked in her eyes and replied, "I love you, too." At that point, I would like to believe that he finally understood the "heart of the matter" about love (his comment in the last chapter: "love is sharing a life" seems to affirm this). Anyway, here's the monologue:"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love it. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No...don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love, which any of us can convince ourselves that we are. Love itself is what is left when being in love has burned away." --Captain Corellis Mandolin. So...I think Nick grew up and figured out what love truly is. I could speculate on why it took him 10 days to break up with Val. I suspect that once he realized that an affair would hurt Tessa and his kids even if they never found out about it, he spent those intervening days trying to figure out how to tell Val without crushing her already fragile psyche and just putting off the inevitable. Whether Tessa can get past Nick's infidelity is anyone's guess. I suppose it could happen...would make an interesting book but I don't think Giffin has the chops to write it.
Love, love, love that quote. Thanks for sharing it Maxwell. Yea, I have to agree that Nick finally figured it out. But at what cost? Anyone's guess. I guess that's when our subjective views kick in and we all can only imagine how it will turn out for those two. When it ends, we see Tessa speculating that she "just might find it in her heart to forgive." I guess my problem with the whole thing, is that I can't stand Nick--I don't find too many redeeming qualities about him. I think Tessa deserves so much more. And, you've got to wonder, if he had continued the affair, what would have happened? He was planning on it. That conversation he had with Valerie from his kitchen after their night together literally made me sick:
Val: "Do you feel...guilty?"
Nick: "Yeah. Of course I do...But I wouldn't take it back."
Val: "You wouldn't?" she asks, wanting to be certain.
Nick: "Hell, no...I want to do it again," he says, more quietly.
I was ready to kick him to the curb!!!(LOL)
Val: "Do you feel...guilty?"
Nick: "Yeah. Of course I do...But I wouldn't take it back."
Val: "You wouldn't?" she asks, wanting to be certain.
Nick: "Hell, no...I want to do it again," he says, more quietly.
I was ready to kick him to the curb!!!(LOL)
Love that quote maxwell!! I think it sums up nicks realization at the end, still so tragic.I agree with you Debbie, really didn't like Nick. The way he treated Tessa and his own kids, really eats away at me. Tessa did deserve so much better. She goes out of her way to please everybody, and gets hurt in the worst way possible.
Debbie--he was planning on it...until Tessa returned from NY. While she was away, he could convince that his actions didn't affect her and/or that her indifference towards him and the fact that she had "changed" drove him to the affair. He was on this emotional high...he was maintaining this secretive relationship that made him feel young, like a hero, invincible. He had just had sex for the first time in 7 years with someone new. He felt "connected" to Val in a way that he hadn't with Tessa for a long time (not saying this was Tessa fault; just trying to imagine Nick's thought process) He was in that unrealistic bubble with Val and Charlie...as Val says "hiding out in her house". Reality had no part in Nick's thinking. He was living in the moment and had may have even convinced himself that it wouldn't even matter to Tessa--in his mind, all she was concerned about was the house, the kids, and keeping up with the neighbors, and he had taken a back seat in his own home. In his mind, Tessa wasn't interested in him. Then she returned from NY and he saw that she was invested in their marriage, she still loved him even after he said all of those nasty things to her, that she could be jealous of him spending time with another woman, that she believed that he was a man who would not cheat on her. At that point, even if he still wanted to "do it again" with Val, maybe he saw that "relationship" for what it was--an escape from the real world, a chance to feel good about himself. At that point, maybe he realized that marriage is hard and requires work and you owe it to your spouse don't give up when it's tough. I don't know...just speculating. If you're watching The Affair on Showtime, I think there are a lot of interesting parallels to this novel -- a husband feels bored with his life and gets involved involved with a woman who makes him feel manly and desirable. NOT saying it's right or making excuses; just trying to get into Nick's head a little. Anyway, I agree that he was "planning" on continuing the affair, but as he said, when Tessa came home from NY, he realized that it was "wrong", that he had "made a mistake" that he "couldn't carve out an exception" for himself. Did he realize all of this too late? Maybe...
Okay folks, this is going to be my absolute last post about this dreadful book. I’ve enjoyed reading all your thoughts about it. I know our own personal life experiences color our views about it. So let me tell you a little something about myself. I never read chick-lit. A friend just happened to give the book to me, so I read it. I was not prepared for how intensely I reacted to it. I read it earlier this year. Put it away. And then, somehow stumbled on the site: Goodreads. The rest is history. You might also be interested in knowing that I have been married for 40 years to a man whom I not only love but am “in love” with. I know this fact alone colors my viewpoint!
So I thought I’d have a little fun with my last post. There were just too many situations in HOTM that were just not plausible to me; they just didn’t ring true. So I’m going to rewrite, or insert, some changes in the story. Hope you enjoy my fun!
1. The first scenario change involves Jason, Val’s brother. Remember the Thanksgiving scene when he starts questioning Valerie about Nick. He says to her: “But you’re not going to stop seeing him?...Are you?” Her reply is: “No, I can’t.” Well “good ole boy” Jason is just going to sit back and watch his sister get involved in another train wreck. He already had to help with the mess from Lion. No, I’d have liked to have seen him “step up to the plate” and do something constructive. So here’s how I’d change what happened. Jason secretly gets Nick’s phone number off of Val’s phone and he gives Dr. Nick Russo a call the next day: “Dr. Russo, this is Jason, Valerie’s brother. I just need to know something, man. Are you planning on divorcing your wife? Because if you’re not, you need to back off from my sister. I don’t know what you two are playing at, but you need to end it now! Otherwise, I might find myself having to pay a little visit to the Ethics Committee at the hospital. Charlie is involved in this, too, and I sure as hell am not going to sit back and watch you hurt him and my sister. Got it?”
2. The second scenario involves Tessa after she finds the “mystery” text on Nick’s phone at Thanksgiving: “Thinking of you, too. Sorry I missed your call. Will be home around 7 if you want to try again…” In my mind, Tessa wouldn’t just sit back all passive aggressive about this. I see a couple of possibilities here: After he gets back from his Cherry Coke run (how absurd!) Tess is sitting in the living room waiting for him. “So, Nick, did you call her? You know, the woman you were thinking of; did you catch her at home this time?” (Boy, look out fireworks!) Or how about this scenario: Tessa goes back to the dining room after seeing the text and whispers in Nick’s ear: “Oh, honey, I think you got an important text while I was upstairs. Seems like someone is ‘thinking’ about you too and says you can call around 7.” Then she sits at the table and gives him a mocking smile as if to say, “I’m on to you buddy! We are so going to have a discussion when everyone goes home.”
Well I hope you enjoyed my fun! Naturally if my rewrites had taken place, there would have been no sexual affair! Now I guess all that’s left for me to do is BURN this darned book! (LOL)
So I thought I’d have a little fun with my last post. There were just too many situations in HOTM that were just not plausible to me; they just didn’t ring true. So I’m going to rewrite, or insert, some changes in the story. Hope you enjoy my fun!
1. The first scenario change involves Jason, Val’s brother. Remember the Thanksgiving scene when he starts questioning Valerie about Nick. He says to her: “But you’re not going to stop seeing him?...Are you?” Her reply is: “No, I can’t.” Well “good ole boy” Jason is just going to sit back and watch his sister get involved in another train wreck. He already had to help with the mess from Lion. No, I’d have liked to have seen him “step up to the plate” and do something constructive. So here’s how I’d change what happened. Jason secretly gets Nick’s phone number off of Val’s phone and he gives Dr. Nick Russo a call the next day: “Dr. Russo, this is Jason, Valerie’s brother. I just need to know something, man. Are you planning on divorcing your wife? Because if you’re not, you need to back off from my sister. I don’t know what you two are playing at, but you need to end it now! Otherwise, I might find myself having to pay a little visit to the Ethics Committee at the hospital. Charlie is involved in this, too, and I sure as hell am not going to sit back and watch you hurt him and my sister. Got it?”
2. The second scenario involves Tessa after she finds the “mystery” text on Nick’s phone at Thanksgiving: “Thinking of you, too. Sorry I missed your call. Will be home around 7 if you want to try again…” In my mind, Tessa wouldn’t just sit back all passive aggressive about this. I see a couple of possibilities here: After he gets back from his Cherry Coke run (how absurd!) Tess is sitting in the living room waiting for him. “So, Nick, did you call her? You know, the woman you were thinking of; did you catch her at home this time?” (Boy, look out fireworks!) Or how about this scenario: Tessa goes back to the dining room after seeing the text and whispers in Nick’s ear: “Oh, honey, I think you got an important text while I was upstairs. Seems like someone is ‘thinking’ about you too and says you can call around 7.” Then she sits at the table and gives him a mocking smile as if to say, “I’m on to you buddy! We are so going to have a discussion when everyone goes home.”
Well I hope you enjoyed my fun! Naturally if my rewrites had taken place, there would have been no sexual affair! Now I guess all that’s left for me to do is BURN this darned book! (LOL)
Maxwell, you have captured my feelings exactly but the quote says it so much better than I.I believe that the trouble within Nick and Tessa's marriage started the day Tessa quit her job. She had worked so hard for her degree and had a excellent position. She walked away from it all. I don't think that on her graduation day she imagined her future as unemployed and standing in front of her washing machine up to her ankles in dirty laundry.
She made friends with her neighbours and gradually fell into their pattern of life, a constant circle of designer cloths, tennis matches, and perfect children. She started to imitate them because she didn't know what else to do. What they thought of her became of upper most importance to her. We know, because we get to read about Tessa's very thoughts, that she didn't care for the way her neighbours behaved but I don't think she knew how to break away from it. When Jason was talking to Valerie near the end of the story he said that his boy-friend described Tessa as very pleasant and down to earth. She would never be happy with the life style she was living. She became depressed, she was unhappy, always tired and lost interest in sex.
We know that Nick 'hated' the kind of people that Tessa's friends Romy and April were and he was not happy when Tessa started to imitate them. They slowly started to drift apart and no one was happy. What is that old saying? "When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" I believe that Nick loved Tessa and always would but for a time he didn't 'like' her very much.
Along comes frail, pathetic Valerie right at the time that Nick was feeling his lowest.She was a single mother with a very badly injured son and most importantly, there was no father. Nick became her saviour and because of his unhappiness he loved the feeling. I don't believe for a minute that Nick intended to have an affair but things got quickly out of control. I also believe that it didn't really matter who had come along at that particular time in Nick's life but it just happened to be Valerie. I doubt that at any other time that Nick would have even looked twice at Valerie and if Tessa hadn't found out, their affair would not have lasted very long. He certainly intended to see her again the night Tessa came home but after breaking up with Valerie he told Tessa that he wished he could take it back. Nick's state of mind when he was telling Tessa what he had done left no doubt in my mind that it was Tessa that he truly loved.
Nick said it best: "Life can be tough, and monotonous, and exhausting and it's not the romantic ride you think it's going to be when you start out in the beginning... but that doesn't mean ... that doesn't give anyone the right...to do what I did."
EG leaves their future up to us to decide. I believe that Nick and Tessa truly love each other and always will. They both want to stay together and I too want them to stay together. So that is how this story ends for me.
Debbie wrote: "Okay folks, this is going to be my absolute last post about this dreadful book. I’ve enjoyed reading all your thoughts about it. I know our own personal life experiences color our views about it...."Debbie, this is hilarious!!! I think that your take is much more realistic than what really happened. In either scenario this whole story would have come to a very "abrupt" end. Would have loved to have been there to see Nick's reactions.
That is amazing Debbie!!! LOL
Jeez, where was I when this discussion took place> Considering I read this 4 years ago and am still haunted by it, I would have loved to have been part of this. All my thoughts regarding this book is contained in my review. So heartbreaking yet so unsatisfactory in providing me closure. I have stalked EG everywhere re: this book and her heart of the matter is "grace". Tessa had grace to forgive in the end. And whether they stayed together or not, she said that all Tessa promised was that she will try. Hmph!
For someone who grew up with a cheating father, I just can't imagine how Nick could betray Tessa this way. I am unsure if I want an HEA. All I'm certain of is that I want Nick to suffer - for a prolonged period of time and live to regret deeply what he has caused here. I just want him broken and I want to read all the details about it.
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Tessa has a lot to forgive. Nick risked everything for a woman so not worth it. I always wonder how did nick truly feel about Valerie in the end? Did he finally see her for who she truly was, and not the woman who only fed his ego? Would have loved to have seen that moment when he realized how much he loved his wife.