What do you think was the main problem the couple had in their marriage (besides the infidelity)?

[[deleted user]]

It appears in chapter 27, about half way through the chapter. (I can't give you a page number because my book is in an e-reader and the page numbers fluctuate depending on the size of the font).

There are only a few lines. Miller is in a bar with Lion....you will want to read it for yourself. Hope this helps.

[Tegan]

Linda, I 100% agree with everything you said. The saddest thing to me I that I do really believe Nick loved Tessa in the end. But once she was privy to all the lies and half truths he told, Would that love be enough?

Nick used Valerie, no doubt about that. And that is why I believe he said he loved her, he felt so bad, as he never had any intention of leaving Tessa.

I think Nick did get the scare of his life, you really don't know what you have until it's gone.
That is what is so sad about this book.

I will say that Nick never really loved Valerie, they lived in an isolated world and once real world came knocking...

[Tegan]

I also would like to point out, that I really believe Nick was attracted to Charlie's needs firsts. And not Valerie.

[Fancynancyuga]

Linda wrote: "It appears in chapter 27, about half way through the chapter. (I can't give you a page number because my book is in an e-reader and the page numbers fluctuate depending on the size of the font).

T..."
I will need to get The One and Only again, I checked it out at the Library. But I own Heart of the Matter. Thank you

[Fancynancyuga]

Do you think Tess and Nick are happy now? I would love a follow up book. I think superficial forgiveness is possible. But after some time passes, I think what Nick did to Tess may not be forgivable. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE a follow up to this book.

[Tegan]

I do think forgiveness is possible, but what he did to his own children, is unforgivable. He neglected them, to the point they didn't even realize he wasn't living at home during the separation.

The sad thing to me, I do believe Tessa was the love of Nick's life, but do I think that nick was the love of Tessa's life, I'm not so sure. Regardless of that, I do think they are happy. I believe Nick's remorse to be BEYOND genuine and he was committed to Tessa. Nick loved tessa for all the right reasons, 'true love'. If tessa had left him, he would always be looking back and wishing he could get her back. He walked away from Valerie, and I truly believe had Tessa not forgiven him, he would NEVER have gone back to Valerie.

[Tegan]

Betrayals like this are hard to recover from, their marriage will never be the same. Not sure how they moved forward, would have loved to have seen their reconciliation play out.

[Tegan]

A lot of people criticize this book due to the fact that people believe Nick lied to Tessa in the end when she asked him if he loved Valerie, with his reponse being he wasn't sure. She didn't ask him if he had TOLD Valerie he loved her. Nick didn't lie.

[Thart2002]

Tegan wrote: "I do think forgiveness is possible, but what he did to his own children, is unforgivable. He neglected them, to the point they didn't even realize he wasn't living at home during the separation.

T..."

I agree with you in that he seriously betrayed his children. When he left his family on Halloween (I think) to spend time with Valerie and her kid I was shocked and heart sick. I don't know how people get over betrayal but they do.

[[deleted user]]

I do think Nick and Tessa will stay together. Nick's remorse seemed very genuine to me and I believe he would never let anything like this happen again. He learned a hard lesson.

Tessa is in the worst position of course because she has to forgive so much. She doesn't know a lot of the details but she was suspicious right from the start and if she want's details I think Nick will tell her if she asks. She has to simply make up her mind to start fresh from this day forward and I think she loves Nick enough that she will be able to do that.

No, things will never be the same again but then things weren't so great before. As Nick said, maybe they can be better. I think they will.

[Sarah]

I just wanted to add m 2 cents to this topic.

I do believe Nick loved Tessa in the end, that is what is so heartbreaking. He really did love his wife, BUT the children aspect to me is so sad. He neglected his own children and would Tessa really be able to forgive that. She knew a few details, but once she was privy to ALL the details, would she really be able to forgive that? Not so sure.

I also believe Nick never lied to Tessa in the end concerning his feelings for Valerie.

[[deleted user]]

Tegan wrote: "A lot of people criticize this book due to the fact that people believe Nick lied to Tessa in the end when she asked him if he loved Valerie, with his reponse being he wasn't sure. She didn't ask h..."

No, Nick didn't lie. Tessa asked him IF he loved Valerie, she didn't ask him if he TOLD Valerie he loved her. At the end he was completely honest.

He did betray his children too though. The two most blatant incidents were on Halloween and then in Valerie's home when he gave Charlie a coin that he had kept since childhood. That coin should have been given to Frankie.

I do believe that those things will always affect Nick. As he is speaking to Tessa in the end, it's almost as if he can't believe himself what he did. I don't think that kind of behavior came naturally to Nick and he will always regret it.

[Tegan]

I too think these things will haunt Nick.

I flip flop on whether Tessa could rally forgive Nick because of the kid aspect. I think deep down it could be the straw that broke the camels back concerning their reconciliation. Once Tessa was privy to all the sordid details, could she really rebuild a life with a man like this?

[Sarah]

The thing for me was never if Nick loved Valerie, he clearly didn't. He loved Tessa, that much was obvious. Regardless if Nick will always regret his bevahior towards his own children, I struggle with thinking that Tessa deserved so much better. She deserved a husband and a father to her children, who would put them first. Was Nick really worthy of a second chance? The only time we see him being nice to Tessa, is that final conversion. The whole book, he treated Tessa as if she didn't matter. He was supposed to love her most, and treated her like a second class citizen.

[Thart2002]

Sarah wrote: "The thing for me was never if Nick loved Valerie, he clearly didn't. He loved Tessa, that much was obvious. Regardless if Nick will always regret his bevahior towards his own children, I struggle w..." I guess I would say for the sake of the family I'm glad Tessa gave Nick a second chance. Divorce is hard on kids. Women with kids are the economically poorest. If Nick doesn't cheat again and they can work through this their marriage might be stronger than ever. Relationships are not easy. No doubt about it.

[Sarah]

Ain't that the truth...relationships are hard. I do believe that marriages can survive infidelity and actually be somewhat better, but this is why I find this book so unsatisfying. What really becomes of these characters? How does nick change? Does tessa eventually forgive, and trust? Or maybe they realize, they can't make it work. Too many unanswered questions.

[[deleted user]]

Sarah wrote: "Ain't that the truth...relationships are hard. I do believe that marriages can survive infidelity and actually be somewhat better, but this is why I find this book so unsatisfying. What really beco..."

I really do think they CAN make it work because they both WANT it to. They had both fallen into the same old trap - taking each other for granted. We have probably been guilty of the same thing ourselves from time to time.

Nick and Tessa both got the wake-up call they needed and I truly think that in their case their marriage will be stronger in the end. Nick told Tessa that he couldn't even think about Valerie and Charlie anymore. All he could think about was his own family and all he wanted was to be back home with them.

[Sarah]

I struggle on whether, I want Tessa and Nick to work it out. I do think Emily implied in the end, that they would. But the ending was unsatisfactory…it really was.

Yes, Nick's remorse was genuine and I do believe they BOTH got the wake up call, would Tessa really forgive ALL? that is what I struggle with. I find it a tad unrealistic.

[[deleted user]]

Sarah wrote: "I struggle on whether, I want Tessa and Nick to work it out. I do think Emily implied in the end, that they would. But the ending was unsatisfactory…it really was.

Yes, Nick's remorse was genuine ..."

When we look at the big picture, this entire affair took place in the space of 2 months. Nick and Valerie never kissed until a week before they slept together and the night they did spend together was the end of it.

I really think that the affair would have carried on a little longer if Tessa hadn't found out (Nick had plans to go to Valerie's house again the night Tessa returned home). I do think Nick would have put an end to it soon though. He knew what he was doing was soooo wrong and once the novelty wore off it would have been over.

Two months out of a lifetime may not have to be life altering if Nick and Tessa really wanted to stay together and I think they did.

[Sarah]

Linda,

I agree with your above statement. 2 months out of a lifetime, really is NOTHING. Valerie was nothing. She made them realize their love was worth fighting for.

I couldn't agree more with your statement that nick would have continued the affair, but he WOULD have tired of if, SOONER, rather than later. Most people realize that sneaking around isn't love at all.

Wish Nick would have been given his voice...when did he realize he loved tessa and the kids.

[[deleted user]]

Sarah wrote: "Linda,

I agree with your above statement. 2 months out of a lifetime, really is NOTHING. Valerie was nothing. She made them realize their love was worth fighting for.

I couldn't agree more with y..."

I don't believe he ever stopped loving Tessa and the kids. Even though he cheated on them he would still be loving them. That was obvious by his reaction when Tessa found out. He begged Tessa to take him back.

I know that he cared about Valerie and Charlie but I don't believe it was love. He loved that they made him feel like a hero, something he hadn't felt in a long time.

However, just because he was basking in the attention they were giving him, he NEVER would have stopped loving his family.

That's what I mean about Nick and Tessa taking each other for granted. It never crossed his mind that he would actually separate from Tessa and he thought she would always be there for him. It nearly destroyed him when she kicked him out and all he wanted was to go home again.

He got caught up in a game that got out of hand very quickly. Something I doubt he ever thought he was capable of doing and something I really don't think he would ever do again.

[Sarah]

I agree with you that Nick NEVER loved Valerie and and Charlie. He did get caught up in the hero worship, and it almost did cost him his family. He took his family for granted.

I do believe that Tessa kicking him out nearly destroyed him, he never thought he could lose her. Once he looked into her eyes, he knew how much he loved her and had screwed up.

Nick didn't seem like a serial cheater, I do believe this was a one off.

I just don't feel the reader got a clear picture of who Nick was as a person.

[Tegan]

I do think, Nick, sorta did forget about his 'love' for his family. What man abandons his own children for another child?

That is not an act of a father who loves his children.

As well, the contempt he showed Tessa throughout the whole book shows a man who is not worth EITHER of these woman time. What is so attractive about a man who cheats on his family, and than abandons an already broken woman?

[Stephanie]

Linda wrote: "Emily Giffin, Heart of the matter.

I have reviewed this book previously but there are a couple of points I would like to clarify. I believe that Valerie knew that Nick didn't love her when Tessa ..."

Hi Linda,


You make a great argument regarding Valerie's denial. I suppose it's a fair one. However, I still feel like Tessa didn't have all the information to make a sensible decisions. What struck me was how Nick never says, not one, that he loves his wife during his 2nd life with Valerie. He says he cares about her deeply and respects her, but how do you cheat someone you actually respect. How do you make them feel like shit, worthless, and dramatic, when they bring up your absence in the marriage you both are a part of?

Also, Linda, COMPLETELY AGREE, regarding Nick and his "Oh, I haven't changed" bullshit. It fucking burns me that he basically made Tessa feel like she was a shit stirer and overly emotional and unreasonable in that whole discussion. Not only, those instances you mentioned, but all that "I love you, I wanna take you back to your bed, and I love the way you taste and smell, and look...(barf) he was telling Valerie, before going home to his wife to profess his love for her. UGH! I was so, so angry. He gets off way to easy, and I just feel like he maybe wouldn't have if Tessa new more.


YES MA'AM to all of this too:
"I believe that Tessa had changed but if Nick has forgotten, they now have two very young children of which Tessa has almost 100% responsibility. That's how Tessa "CHANGED"!! "

[Stephanie]

Fancynancyuga wrote: "I think the main problem is communication. Usually, when you are with someone, lover-friend-family member, for years and years, you just stop talking. Sadly, Nick and Tessa stopped talking. This..."


But one of Tessa's complaints was that Nick didn't take an interest in the things she wanted to talk about. In the book, each time she broaches a subject regarding their relationship, Nick automatically gets defensive, and accusatory. Pretty much shutting down Tessa's attempt, leaving her insecure about how she herself feels. Remember when he told her to stop trying so hard bc it was working? And then he presumed to use sex as a way to make up for what happened instead of apologizing to his wife, and be present in the moment to talk. Nick kept telling Tessa that she's always looking for problems. But the reality is that Tessa sees them and tries to get them resolved only to be punished for it by her husband.

Another thing that struck me was in the whole book, with the exception of the flashbacks and the very end during their last conversation, Nick wasn't ever really nice to Tessa. He was an asshole. If he wasn't blatantly checking out on her, her was constantly getting in a lot of little jibes that at their base demoralized her.

I've read an interview somewhere where EG says the ending is as it is because she didn't know if they were successful in trying to work it out, or if it all lead to naught.

Nick is a narcissistic and self-centered guy, so I agree with Tessa, he loves himself. He wasn't just cheating on Tessa, he was cheating on his two young children with Charlie and his mother. He did things with Charlie, which led to him being even more absent from his children's lives. And so, while I agree, a part of what happened with Valerie could have happened with anyone else, I think Nick had deep feelings for her, and she could have quite possibly been an alternate choice for him had he no children with Tessa, or if given more time. I don't know, maybe I feel this way bc we don't get his POV, and having reread this book so many times, I never get warm feeling for his wife from him until the very end, and there was excess of it for Val.

I feel like his remorse was more genuine after she kicked him out of the house. Not necessarily him coming home to break the news. To me, actually losing his whole family dynamic for the month that I think drove things home for him and not in the moment of confession. I don't think Nick was incapable of using his tears to and presumed anguish to manipulate the results he wants. We see him do it all through the book (not the tears, but lying and manipulating things to his advantage).

[Stephanie]

Sarah wrote: "I just wanted to add m 2 cents to this topic.

I do believe Nick loved Tessa in the end, that is what is so heartbreaking. He really did love his wife, BUT the children aspect to me is so sad. He n..."

Those points exactly Sarah. I'm 100% with you.

[Stephanie]

Sarah wrote: "The thing for me was never if Nick loved Valerie, he clearly didn't. He loved Tessa, that much was obvious. Regardless if Nick will always regret his bevahior towards his own children, I struggle w..."


Sarah, I don't understand how you can say Nick did really loved Tessa and it was all clear, but then say he never treated he good in the whole book, except for the end. I guess, being in love, and loving someone are two different things, and yet, I didn't get feelings of love from Nick for his wife.

[Stephanie]

Linda wrote: "Sarah wrote: "I struggle on whether, I want Tessa and Nick to work it out. I do think Emily implied in the end, that they would. But the ending was unsatisfactory…it really was.

Yes, Nick's remors..."


But it's not just the sexual acts that are the crimes here. It's the lying to his wife, demoralizing her and treating her like a 2nd class citizen he can't be bothered with when he's suppose to be supportive. It's about choosing to spend time with this other woman's kids instead of his own who already don't get enough time with him. It's about making Tessa feel like she's crazy and is the blame for the problems between them, meanwhile not playing an active part in his marriage when she tries to address those problems. And he failed to do that bc he wanted to escape to his other fantasy life with Val. The sex and the kissing, and the hugging, and speaking on the phone multiple times everyday are just insult to injury.

[Stephanie]

Sarah wrote: "Linda,

I agree with your above statement. 2 months out of a lifetime, really is NOTHING. Valerie was nothing. She made them realize their love was worth fighting for.

I couldn't agree more with y..."

"Most people realize that sneaking around isn't love at all."

Most people don't though, Sarah. They get caught. And then the realizations come into play.

[Stephanie]

Tegan wrote: "I do think, Nick, sorta did forget about his 'love' for his family. What man abandons his own children for another child?

That is not an act of a father who loves his children.

As well, the conte..."

Yes, Tegan, thank you for writing some sense for me to read. I'm getting some troll vibes on the thread to be honest, but what ever.

That is the deeper question for me. What did Nick do in 91% of the book to make me feel he was worth anything for Tessa to keep around. He was awful to her. And what he did to his children, IMO, is unforgivable.

What used to burn my heart while reading was how rude and suspicious Ruby was to Tessa, but always such a little princess for her Daddy on the rare occasions he decided to oblige them with his presence.

Fuck Nick! That's how I felt. I understood Tessa and Valerie completely though. And perhaps it's unfair of me to judge him so harshly since we didn't get his POV, But based entirely on all his actions from both Tessa and Valerie's account about and scenes with him, he came off unsympathetic. He didn't really seem to care about his family for 87% of the book.

And that's why this book is so hard for me to rate properly. I have so many feelings and not enough material to take into account to make concrete decisions.

[Sarah]

Stephanie wrote: "Tegan wrote: "I do think, Nick, sorta did forget about his 'love' for his family. What man abandons his own children for another child?

That is not an act of a father who loves his children.

As w..."

Stephanie,

I think it boils down to whether we trust Tessa's instincts on Nick in the end on TRYING to salvage their marriage. I do. Tessa is a smart woman, and I trust in her belief regarding her husband. I do believe this is a one off, and Nick will FOREVER regret it.

[[deleted user]]

Sarah wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "Tegan wrote: "I do think, Nick, sorta did forget about his 'love' for his family. What man abandons his own children for another child?

That is not an act of a father who loves ..."

Sarah wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "Tegan wrote: "I do think, Nick, sorta did forget about his 'love' for his family. What man abandons his own children for another child?

That is not an act of a father who loves ..."


Sarah, in your last response - Tessa is a smart woman and I trust in her belief regarding her husband. I do believe this is a one off, and Nick will FOREVER regret it.


I entirely agree with you. I don't feel as harshly towards Nick as some of the reviewers. Everyone is entitled to make ONE mistake (a very bad one in this case) but if Tessa loves him enough to forgive him (and I think she does), then they will be fine. However, if it should EVER happen again then that would be the end (no question)!

A lot of the reviews talk about Nicks neglect of his children. During the 2 months he was with Valerie and Charlie he certainly did spend time away from his family but the rest of the time I get the impression that he was a very hands on Dad. Tessa said so and her friend April mentioned it. She said that Tessa is so lucky because Nick can handle the kids completely on his own and often does so. Also remember - Nick had a very demanding job and was often on call and his children and Tessa were used to that way of life.

During the 2 months he was spending time with Valerie he went to a Halloween party with them at the hospital which was terrible and he gave Charlie a coin that should have belonged to his own children, but he didn't spend all of his time with them. Actually I think he spent very little - most of their affair was by text or phone calls and days and days would go by that they never saw each other.

Nick broke off with Valerie 10 days before Christmas, 2 days before Christmas Charlie asked Valerie when Nick was coming over to see their tree. Over one week had gone by that Charlie hadn't seen him and he didn't seem to find this strange at all. I believe that is because he only saw him on and off a few times during the 2 months. When he was in the hospital that was different and he would see Nick most days, but Charlie was only in the hospital for about 2 weeks. His accident was near mid to end October and he came home the first week of November. The rest of the time Nick would be home with his family.

I agree he wasn't nice with Tessa a lot of the time but doesn't that happen in most marriages when they begin to take each other for granted. And don't forget that Tessa had changed drastically. She admitted herself that she was a different person than the one Nick married and spent most of her time worrying about what the neighbours thought and trying to keep up with them. Nick didn't like that kind of person (neither do I). I agree that he should have talked to her about it rather than what he did. but how do we know he didn't try. Just because EG didn't detail most of their comments (a little hard to cover every conversation that took place between them for the past 7 years) I can't believe that a confident man like Nick would not mention to her that he didn't like what she was doing.

All in all I'm willing to give Nick a break and concentrate on the way he behaved after Tessa threw him out. He begged her to forgive him and proclaimed
his love for her continually. I really don't think he would ever do anything like that again and obviously Tessa thought so too or she would never have taken him back.

[Sarah]

Linda wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "Tegan wrote: "I do think, Nick, sorta did forget about his 'love' for his family. What man abandons his own children for another child?

That is not an act of a fat..."


Linda, AMEN sista!. Love what you said. One thing you touched on, is how much time did Nick spend with Charlie and Valerie, I so agree with you. I don't think it was as much as we thought, in light of Charlie only asking about Nick 2 days before Christmas.

I do think Nick deserved a second chance…he seemed to realize once Tessa tossed him up, what a fool he was.

I tend to agree with you on Nick parenting skills before the affair, he must have been a good dad, I just don't see Tessa standing for that had he been an absentee father.

[Stephanie]

Linda wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "Tegan wrote: "I do think, Nick, sorta did forget about his 'love' for his family. What man abandons his own children for another child?

That is not an act of a fat..."

No, I don't think that's accurate. He spent a lot of time with them (from what Giffin wrote), hence why Charlie seemed anxious if Nick didn't come over, or at least seemed to ask Val if he was coming or when he would, enough, because he was used to seeing him in his home a lot. It was why the whole blow up with Jason being at Val's house that time Nick stopped by and their game was found out. There are passages and passages of Tessa's resentment during those months of Nick's constant canceling of plans, and calls about coming home late, and broken promises.

Nick was often at Valerie's house preparing dinner for them. I can copy and paste these scenes verbatim, so no, I can't I agree with you. And perhaps it's just bc it's fresh for me, as I constantly reread the book and just did so over the weekend.

The following pretty much corroborates my thoughts, and what I gathered from reading:

"As the days turn colder and shorter, they both continue to pretend. They pretend that the visits and phone conversations and texts are the normal course of doctor-patient follow-up. They pretend that their friendship is appropriate and unremarkable. They pretend that there is nothing to hide—that they are not literally hiding in Valerie’s house."

"...This was the escapism she felt when Nick came over with videos and music for Charlie, wine and takeout from Antonio’s for them. It was as if she was shutting her mind down and living in the moment, forgetting everything else in the world, and especially his family, just a few miles away."

"...On the night before Charlie’s first day back to school, Nick stops over to wish him good luck, but ends up staying to make dinner, declaring himself a burger connoisseur as he prepares the patties, then hovers over the George Foreman grill. "

Emily Giffin (2010-05-11T00:00:00+00:00). Heart of the Matter (Kindle Locations 2514-2516). Macmillan. Kindle Edition.

and:

“Should we find a new doctor?” Jason says, “He’s the best, right?” “Yes,” she says quickly, her heart breaking, but her loyalty, bizarrely, still intact. She remembers how she continued to praise Lion’s talent for months after their breakup. “Nick is the best,” she says.
“Well, then keep him as Charlie’s doctor,” Jason says.
“Okay,” she says, wondering what she will tell her son, what explanation she will give him as to why Nick no longer comes around, why it isn’t a good idea to call him from school or anywhere else. Why they only see him at the hospital or his office.

In response to this ---> "She said that Tessa is so lucky because Nick can handle the kids completely on his own and often does so" I say, I didn't get that impression. When Tessa went to NY, it was Nick's first time alone with his children overnight, alone."

I suddenly realize that this will be the first time he’s ever been alone with the kids overnight. Ever.

I got the gist that when he did used to spend time at home with the kids, that he was more involved (on a surface level), and when they went out as a family, BUT lately that had not been the case. He certainly didn't take a true serious role in making decisions that would impact his children. Case in point, him not doing anything regarding Ruby's school situation, or helping Tessa make a decision on what school they should sent her to.

Look, I don't think the reviewers who have blasted Nick are doing so without just cause. You say a person is allowed to make a mistake. I agree, the thing is, Nick made more than one that consistently added up to a whole lot of betrayal.

For me, these are some of the passages that sealed my opinion of him, bc he has awareness of his mistakes, and makes the decision to say "Fuck it! I don't care." and continue making those mistakes over and over again.

" “It’s wrong on several levels. At least two.” She knows exactly what those two levels are but lets him spell it out. “For one, I’m your son’s doctor—there are ethics involved. Ethics and rules designed to protect patients . . . It would be unfair of me to ... take advantage . . . of your emotions.”

“You’re Charlie’s doctor, yes . . . But that’s not what this is about,” she says adamantly.
She has thought about it often, and although she feels endlessly grateful to him, she is certain that she’s not confusing gratitude with anything else. “Besides, I’m not your patient.”
“You’re his mother. It’s actually, probably worse,” Nick says.
“I shouldn’t be here. Jason knows it. You know it. I know it.”
She nods, staring down at her hands, aware that he is referring to his second point, the one she has yet to address. The small issue of his marriage.
“So does that mean you’re leaving?” she finally asks.
He moves to the couch, next to her, and says, “No. I’m not leaving. I’m going to sit here next to you and continue to torture myself.” His eyes are intense, almost angry—but also resolved—as if he hates to be tested and refuses to lose.

Valerie looks at him, alarmed. Then, ignoring everything she believes, all that she knows to be right, she responds by pulling him to her in the embrace she has imagined so many times. After several seconds, he takes control, slowly lowering her to the couch, covering her with the weight of his body as their legs entangle, their cheeks touch. After a long time like this, Valerie closes her eyes and lets herself drift off, lulled by his steady breathing, the feel of his arms encircling her, and their chests rising and falling, together.

This whole entire conversation:

...““What are you talking about?” I demand.
He ignores me, continuing his rant. “Whether it’s going on a forced march through Target or a neighborhood Halloween party or a school tour. Hell, you even govern what I’m supposed to wear in my own house over takeout sushi. For God’s sake, Tessa.”
I swallow, feeling defensive yet outraged.
“So tell me,” I say, grinding my teeth between words.
“How long have you been feeling this way?”
“For a while.”
“So this has nothing to do with Valerie Anderson?” I say, going out on a dangerous limb.
He does not flinch. He does not even blink.
“Why don’t you tell me, Tessa? Since you seem to have all the answers.”
“I don’t have that answer, Nick. In fact, your little friendship was news to me. A great, big newsflash..."

"...“Are you friends with her?”
He hesitates, then nods. “Yes. I guess you could say we’re friends. Yes.”
“Close friends?” I ask.
“Tessa. C’mon, Stop.”
I shake my head and repeat the question. “How close are you?”
“What are you getting at here?”
“What I am getting at,” I say, pushing my plate away, wondering how I possibly thought I could be in the mood for raw fish, “is what is going on with us. Why we don’t feel close anymore. Why you didn’t tell me that Charlie Anderson called you. That you’re friends with his mother . . .”

... “And maybe, just maybe, this nagging worry I have about our relationship . . . maybe it’s all in my head. Maybe I need to take some antidepressants or go back to work or something.” I pick up my chopsticks, holding them skillfully in my hands, remembering how my father taught me to use them when I was a little girl, about Ruby’s age.
He nods again and says, “Yes. Maybe you’re the one who isn’t happy.

But he's such an effing hypocrite, bc clearly he is also unhappy, as per what he told Valerie and what was seemingly a partial defense to his infidelity.

Oh, and let's also add the complete dialogue of his breakup with Valerie.

Pffft!. Nick was a jerk and undeserving, and I guess if Tessa wants to settle for him, that's for her to decide. Tessa wasn't perfect, but unlike her husband, she put in effort, which is something that came too little too late to redeem himself in my eyes as a reader.

[Stephanie]

Linda,

Also in response to this: "Nick broke off with Valerie 10 days before Christmas, 2 days before Christmas Charlie asked Valerie when Nick was coming over to see their tree. Over one week had gone by that Charlie hadn't seen him and he didn't seem to find this strange at all..."

I don't think it was though. The reason I feel this way is the entirely of the chapter, not just the fact that he didn't ask about Nick in those first 10 days. If anything, I feel it's a flaw in the writing, as there are glaring inconsistencies:

She takes Charlie caroling with a group from her mother’s church, she builds gingerbread houses with him, she helps him write letters to Santa.
All the while, she holds her breath, hoping that Charlie doesn’t ask about Nick, determined to create enough magic in her son’s life so that he won’t realize anything is missing.
Two days before Christmas, on the eve of Christmas Eve, as Charlie calls it, she is feeling particularly satisfied with her efforts. As she and Charlie sit by the tree, sipping eggnog, she tells herself that it is only she who feels Nick’s absence—that Charlie is content.
Sure enough, he looks up at her and announces that their Christmas tree is the best, better than the one in the lobby of his school, even better than the one at the mall next to Santa.
“Why’s that?” she asks him, milking the compliment, feeling proud, even moved...One beat later, Charlie sprawls out on the floor, resting his chin in his hands, and says, “When is Nick coming over to see it?”
She freezes, his name spoken aloud making her heart flutter, then sink.
She has only heard it once since he ended things—when Jason asked for an update. She responded simply, told him that it was over and that she didn’t want to talk about it—an answer her brother wordlessly accepted.
But she cannot give her son the same line now. So instead, she waffles.
“I don’t know, sweetie,” she says, feeling guilty for stringing him along but determined not to taint his Christmas, this moment, desperate for the conversation to wait until January.

"..."Mommy?” Charlie asks after a few beats of quiet. “What’s that, Charlie?” she says, hoping that the next words from her little boy will be about Star Wars, not Nick. “Are you sad?” he asks her. She blinks and smiles and shakes her head. “No. No . . . Not at all,” she says as convincingly as she can. “It’s Christmas. And I’m with you. How can I be sad?”

He seems to accept this, adjusting the Nativity scene along the Christmas tree skirt, pushing Joseph’s and Mary’s heads together as if in a symbolic gesture before his next question. “Did you and Nick break up? Like Jason always does with his boyfriends?”

Charlie comes across as a child who has spent enough time with Nick, seeing him interact with his mother and spending enough time with him to be able to pick up on the type of relationship Nick and Val had in his own eyes: One of lovers, like his uncle and his boyfriends. This is the reason why he could also wish Nick was his dad, and also ask his mother if she loved Nick. Those actions coming from that him are based on what he's experienced in his immediate recent environment...since Nick came into the picture. At least that is what is most plausible (for me) to infer.

[Stephanie]

And for the record, I'm not sure Tessa, believed that he would not do that to her again. She says as much in announcing her not feeling sure if she can ever trust him again. But in spite of not trusting him, she decided to give him another chance. It's called grace.

[Stephanie]

Sarah wrote: "Linda wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "Tegan wrote: "I do think, Nick, sorta did forget about his 'love' for his family. What man abandons his own children for another child?

That is not a..."


I posted the quoted that I feel verified the amount of time he was actually spending with them. Personally, I find that 2 day before Christmas thing to be a flaw in the writing consistency. *shrugs*

[[deleted user]]

Stephanie wrote: "Linda wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "Tegan wrote: "I do think, Nick, sorta did forget about his 'love' for his family. What man abandons his own children for another child?

That is not a..."

I don't mean to downplay Nicks behaviour while he was seeing Valerie. It was disgusting. They did hide in Valerie's house but my point is that I don't think it was as much as others claim in their reviews.

He brought dinner one night and he made dinner another night. He came over when Jason was there and I'm sure there were other times too. That's plain to see. I just don't think he was there all the time and when he wasn't he would either be at work or at home. When they were together he was constantly checking the time and would then say "I have to go now."

Not to give Nick credit but you have to admit that Valerie played a huge part in this as well. She was attracted to him from the first minute she saw him. She was alone with him for the first time over coffee in the cafeteria at the hospital and gazed lovingly into his eyes as he sat there with a wedding ring on his finger and said to herself "I think we just shared a moment." She then went on the internet and found out his address and drove to his home and was upset when she saw a light on in an upstairs window and was jealous because she assumed he was in there with his wife. She called him on her cell just so he would have her phone number. She was cagey and conniving and was just as much to blame as Nick. This is not to say that Nick wasn't guilty here - he certainly was but in the end he knew it and was sorry.

When you say "almost 3 months they were together" I don't understand. Charlie was hurt sometime in late October, Nick dumped Valerie on the 15th of December and prior to that he hadn't seen her since the night they had sex Dec. 5th - the end of Charlie's first week at school. Valerie said it herself when Charlie is laying on the floor beside their Christmas tree 2 days before Christmas, that his scar was hardly visible in that light, something she didn't think possible in only 2 short months.

At that point (Dec. 23rd) she had known Nick 2 months. Ten days of that time she didn't see him -(Dec 5th when they slept together until Dec 15th when he dumped her), 10 agonizing days, the longest length of time she could remember, she said.

Breaking it down, they saw each other for a week or so in October, off and on for the month of November and 5 days in December. More like 6 or 7 weeks - not even close to the 3 months as you claim.

I still think he was a hands on Dad. Just because he hadn't stayed alone overnight with his children before only means that Tessa hadn't gone away overnight without them before. If she had wanted to she most certainly could have.

He was avoiding the decision of the school Ruby was going to because he was used to Tessa making all of the plans AND because he didn't think they could afford it. He also was against it because it brought out the side of Tessa that annoyed him (always trying to impress her neighbours).

When Tessa was talking to Rachel about her marriage to Dex, Rachel told her that she and Dex made love 2 or 3 times a week. Tessa was shocked and thought - Nick and I were lucky if we made love 2 or 3 times a month. She admitted that she wasn't much interested in sex anymore and would much rather sleep. Obviously a dangerous sign in a marriage and not a choice that Nick would have made.

Nick was so wrong in having an affair with Valerie but I don't think he would ever make that mistake again. If Tessa shows more interest in him he will show more interest in her and vis-versa. It takes two to make a marriage work and these two both made mistakes (just as we all do). Now that they both realize it I think things can be better for them again.

[[deleted user]]

Sorry Stephanie, I was just glancing through your last comments again and wonder about the "glaring inconsistencies." I don't get the point - Valerie said it was 2 days before Christmas and nothing you have shown indicates otherwise - what inconsistencies?? In any case what difference does it make - she still only saw Nick 5 days in December and then for a few minutes in the restaurant 10 days before Christmas when he dumped her.

Also I said in my previous reply that Charlie hadn't seen Nick since he broke off with Valerie - over a week since he had seen Nick. Actually I was wrong. Charlie didn't see Nick on Dec. 15th when Nick dumped Valerie - he hadn't seen him since Dec. 5th when Nick slept with her. A stretch of 18 day and he didn't seem to find that strange.

I understand about Charlie thinking their relationship was that of a couple. IT WAS. No one is denying that. They were having an affair and it was wrong. Nick put an end to it..... sad story all around. Valerie was worried that this thing could end badly for everyone and she was right - most affairs do.

[[deleted user]]

Linda wrote: "Sorry Stephanie, I was just glancing through your last comments again and wonder about the "glaring inconsistencies." I don't get the point - Valerie said it was 2 days before Christmas and nothin..."

Really the only inconsistency you point out is the timing (2 days before Christmas). You indicate that EG made a mistake. If it wasn't two days before Christmas why did Valerie say "on the eve of Christmas Eve as Charlie calls it"?

Did EG also make a mistake about that - did she really mean the eve of, eve of, eve of - etc. of Christmas Eve?

[Elena]

I would have to disagree with the statement that Tess and Valerie were as much to blame for the affair as Nick...

Of course - Valerie slept with a married man - but she's not the married one - what does she care?! I didn't get the impression that she went on purpusefully tempting him - he's the one who made the first move! Technically, even though she ended up being a homewrecker, I got the impression that she wouldn't have done this had Nick not led her on...

Tess, on the other hand, did play a role in her marriage falling appart (takes two to tango and to keep a marriage working!) but at least she was TRYING! Nick didn't even seem to try to make his marriage work! He was rude and disrespectful to Tessa most of the time... He brushed off her concerns and refused to listen to her... I understand that she had changed and that she started being shallow and was "trying to impress neighbors" etc... but nowhere in the book is it mentioned that Nick tried to address this problem - he just seemed to ignore and neglect his wife (AND KIDS!).

The example that was the most annoying to me and clearly showed what a BAD GUY Nick was, was when he went for dinner with Valerie (that first time), missing dinner with his family without even an excuse, then coming home to tell his wife unappologetically that he has already eaten out, but forgot to bring her something back!!! ?! This was BEFORE the affair, BEFORE everything - he was just THAT KIND OF A HUSBAND! Selfish and neglectful! Not only was he not home for dinner, but he unashamedly admits that he went to a restaurant ! WHat?!?!?!?! Who does that?!?!

I can't even imagine my husband NOT calling to tell me he won't be home for dinner , even if stuck at work, a call is always the normal thing to do - let alone him deciding to go to a restaurant alone while i'm waiting with dinner at home!! So I'm saying, even if Valerie wasn't in the picture, Nick thinking it's ok to tell Tessa he went out for dinner alone without her (or at least without mentioning it first) is completely unacceptable and shows his arrogant character....


My hate of Nick was not even based on him cheating - it was based on all the little things that pointed out what an arrogant, self-centered and smug bastard he was... Cheating itself - i could have forgiven....

[Sarah]

On people's comments about Nick, I am torn on who Nick TRULY is.

While I can feel his remorse, at the end, and I do believe he loved Tessa and the kids, I just never got a sense of who he really was.

While he was sweet and affectionate with Valerie and Charlie, he is so disengaged from his own family, so I am not sure on what type of man Nick Russo is.

Maybe if the ending had been better, or maybe if we had known his true feelings about Valerie, his answer of ' I don't know, when Tessa asked him if he loved Valerie', leaves it to the imagination of the reader. Although, I have previously stated I don't believe Nick did love Valerie, he loved being a HERO.

[Elena]

Sarah - i agree, we really didn't get enough information about him. The information that I got were bits and pieces and I seemed to stick to all the negative ones, so I hated him right off the bat... However, if the author gave us even a few pages from his point of view - maybe it would have changed things dramatically in how I viewed Nick...
I judged him very harshly throughout... and again - not only because of the affair, but because of the little details about him that kept slipping out... If we got a little more on him, we could probably better figure out what type of guy he is ...

[[deleted user]]

Elena wrote: "Sarah - i agree, we really didn't get enough information about him. The information that I got were bits and pieces and I seemed to stick to all the negative ones, so I hated him right off the bat...."

Hi Elena: I didn't imply that Tessa and Valerie were as guilty as Nick, only that they played a part in the whole thing.

If Valerie had indicated even once that she wasn't interested in Nick because he was married he would never have paid any more attention to her. Why would he, he could get almost anyone he wanted. But Valerie didn't, she practically drooled over him. You say "she's not the married one, why should she care"? She SHOULD have cared - a great deal. Her own broken heart and the broken heart of her son were reasons for her to care. Thankfully there are not many women who wouldn't back off from a man who is married and the father of 2 young children but Valerie was not one of them......

Tessa made many mistakes. One in particular was that she was a woman in her mid thirties and admitted that she wasn't much interested in sex anymore and would rather sleep. She was married to a strong, viral, very handsome man who is only in his thirties as well and when she said that, I could see "affair/mistress" written all over it. Sex is a very big part of marriage and she had to know that Nick would not put up with it for very long - and he didn't.

Tessa also made a lot of other mistakes in that she was not the same person Nick married. She admitted that but there's no reason in re-hashing all of the details over again.

Nick wasn't a particularly "nice" man, I agree. Tessa said that he was sometimes a dirty fighter and would say hurtful things he didn't really mean and would later be sorry. She also said that she knew there was a measure of truth in a lot of his feelings though. Maybe she should have listened more carefully to what he said.

I still really don't think he neglected his own children. He loved them dearly and they literally worshipped him. He had a very demanding job and was away from home a lot even before he met Valerie. In those 2 months he saw even less of his kids but because they were so used to him being at work they didn't notice that he wasn't at home as much.

Nick was a spoiled "only child". He was very confident in himself and vain. That was evident in his relationship with Valerie and Charlie. He loved that they made him feel like a big shot. He admitted to Tessa that a lot of his attraction to Valerie was that she fed his ego.

Your comment about him not coming home to dinner the night he took Valerie to Antonio's was dead on. That was terrible and the way he treated Tessa when he did come home was disgusting. Valerie said he did look at his texts and replied to them a lot during the dinner though. I would venture to guess that they were to Tessa telling her he would be late. When he was dumping Valerie he told her that the minute he fell in love with her was at dinner at Antonio's when she told him Charlie didn't have a father. I still maintain that he never loved Valerie, he only thought he did. What attracted him the most that evening was because Charlie didn't have a father and it cleared the way for him with Valerie who made no secret about her attraction to him.

All in all there were many mistakes made by everyone in this story and hopefully things will be better between Nick and Tessa from now on. I certainly hope so anyways.

[Sarah]

On the subject of Valerie, I just found her a complete embarrassment. It's one thing to have an affair, but to involve your child in in? When that child has been subjected to numerous disappointment in his own life.

I feel like in the end, Nick did realize this, and risked everything for this pathetic woman. She was a homewrecker! Nick probably didn't think too kindly of her when he realized the full extent of his actions. what woman becomes a co conspirator in the neglect of her affair partners own family. A loser type of woman!

[[deleted user]]

Sarah wrote: "On the subject of Valerie, I just found her a complete embarrassment. It's one thing to have an affair, but to involve your child in in? When that child has been subjected to numerous disappointmen..."

I agree - thanks Sarah. I was beginning to think that I was the only one who saw fault in Valerie.

I have been thinking about my last response in that I said that Nick didn't see as much of his children in the 2 months he knew Valerie and Charlie.

Actually his did spend time with them. On Halloween he went to school with Ruby and took numerous pictures of her in her costume and then came home to spend time with Frankie before he went to work. Of course he followed that by going to a Halloween party with Valerie and Charlie but on Halloween he didn't ignore his own family completely.

When Tessa was in New York he ate dinner with the kids before he bathed and put them to bed. He prepared their favourite breakfast the following morning, (waffles), tided the whole house and spent the day with them at the museum. Of course again that first night he had sex with Valerie but he still didn't neglect his kids while she was away.

Just another one of my little rants.....

[Sarah]

Linda wrote: "Sarah wrote: "On the subject of Valerie, I just found her a complete embarrassment. It's one thing to have an affair, but to involve your child in in? When that child has been subjected to numerous..."

I saw MAJOR fault in Valerie. She knew what it was like to cheated on, LION did it to her. I actually hated her. She was pathetic.

I still think Nick neglected his kids…but maybe not as much as I though. Just have strong feelings towards him…he was an idiot.

On a side note, I always thought the babysitter had cleaned the house while Tessa was away in NYC.

[[deleted user]]

Tessa said that Nick had cleaned the house but she thought that Carolyn had left the basket of clean laundry.

Anyways, I agree that Nick was an idiot. In the end he apologized to Tessa, proclaimed his love for her over and over and dumped Valerie. There wasn't much more he could do. He knew he had messed up - big time.

The ball is in Tessa's court now. Will she be able to forgive him?? Who knows? The only thing I know is how I feel about what happened between them.

This is just a fictional story and we are left to end it as we see it. I think that Nick made a terrible mistake, he knows it and I think he can turn it around and make it work with Tessa. That's how "I" would like to see this story end.

[Sarah]

Linda wrote: "Tessa said that Nick had cleaned the house but she thought that Carolyn had left the basket of clean laundry.

Anyways, I agree that Nick was an idiot. In the end he apologized to Tessa, proclaime..."

I'm with you Linda. I think he can turn it around, he was SOOOO remorseful in the end. I forgave him, maybe one day Tessa will to!

[Stephanie]

Linda wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "Linda wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "Tegan wrote: "I do think, Nick, sorta did forget about his 'love' for his family. What man abandons his own children for another ch..."

Hi Linda, first I want to say that there were some changes made to my comments last night that including editing for grammar, as words I meant were missing or incorrect changing my whole sentences, and I also amended some dates. I've also broken down this reply in two parts.

1:
- He seemed to have brought dinner more than one night. Valerie said as much when she used the plural form: “As the days turn colder and shorter, they both continue to pretend…“This was the escapism she felt when Nick came over with videos and music for Charlie, wine and takeout from Antonio’s for them., ” To me, it seems like a sort of ritual after work, taking into account that he works 5 days a week. And while, I get that in the course of their affair, to you, it’s a small amount of time, I just still feel like it was a couple times too many, especially when factoring in the heirloom gives Charlie instead of his own son, missing Halloween (so, he spent the morning with Ruby, WHAT ABOUT FRANK?), and overall checking-out of his marriage.

- In regards to the 3-month comment I made, you are right, and I caught the error last night after posting my original reply, and fixed it to two-months (per Valerie’s musings). I was thinking the affair portion was around two months(?), and she’s known Nick for 3 (which puts Charlie’s accident in late September). I got this because of Tessa’s penultimate chapter when she’s confronting Valerie: “I feel a fresh rise of fury that she would dare tell me about my husband. Someone she’s known for a measly three months as opposed to our seven years together.” I figured Tessa knows when her own Wedding anniversary is to be able to say that. But see where I am coming from with sloppy writing? It’s inconsistent.

- Regarding Valerie, I have said as much about her scheming and conniving ways in previous posts. I 100% agree with you there. I mean this is a woman who masturbated to her son’s married doctor, only to say a few days later that she thinks that can truly be just friends. Ugh, she disgusted me! THAT is why her being a single mother isn’t winning her any favors with the housewives, as the single women are a risk to their marriages. She’s not winning any accolades from me at all, and I see her as she behaved, selfish, a home-wrecker, and weak.
And perhaps both she and Nick do deserved each other, but I thought she could do better than Nick. As she told Tessa, she thought Nick was “Exceptional”, and Tessa was right when she replied “exceptional men don’t cheat on their wives”. I think she’s experience a lot of misfortunes in her life, and as a single mother thus far, and what Nick did to Tessa, he could have easily have done to Valerie. OR as you mentioned, leave her in the future to return to his wife and children, or someone else, like Tessa’s father. Which, if their affair had gone on longer, certainly would have made her heartbreak even worse. She wants better than that, and so perhaps she deserves to not settle for a man that would act as Nick behaved– how he willingly betrayed his wife and small children. Really, I don’t get how women could have respect for a guy who would do that to his family, his little innocent children, and also guys who don’t take care of their kids.

-Nick’s involvement with his children: I suppose at the root of the problem for me is 1) that he doesn’t get to see his kids as often as Tessa thinks he should. And prior to Valerie, that’s because of work, and when Valerie comes into the picture, it’s even less that he sees them, as he appeared to have utilized that time he could have with them, even though it’s not enough, instead to be carrying on with w/both late phone conversations w/Valerie and visits to her home to see both her and her son. 2) He’s a laissez-faire father, which Tessa says about him twice in the book. In my understanding of the term, that is making a deliberate choice not to interfere, to abstain from giving guidance to others as it relates to their individual freedom of choice and actions. In this case, to me, it implied that he chooses not be involved in two of the most challenging aspects of what raising children encompasses: parenting and discipline: That’s the majority of the work until they reach adult hood. I get that he may leave that to Tessa, but clearly she’s unhappy about it (as she expresses it resentfully)

—and like the dynamic in our house, Dex defers to Rachel when it comes to parenting and discipline (which, interestingly, does not rile my mother as it does when Nick takes a background role

; and I agree with her, that both of them should be doing those things together. Furthermore, in the book we see examples of Nick placing his job and his personal time ahead of his responsibilities as an involved parent, which Tessa complains about, and which we see it first-hand on more than one occasion “I glued a kid’s face back together,” he says. “I didn’t have time for kindergarten applications.” ”But you had time for dinner at Antonio’s” I say, skipping the intermediate stages of anger and feeling rage rise in my chest.”. We also knows he never goes to the school to tour the place as his wife has asked him to do multiple time. But he can drop by there for Charlie’s sake, even when that’s not what he should be doing for any patient. The school thing:

“I think so. Nick’s in favor of it—probably because he went to public schools. . . But obviously Dex and I didn’t... I think it’s all what you’re used to,” I say, hoping that this is the actual reason for Nick’s public leanings—and not that he simply wants to get out of school tours and applications and conversations on the topic……“So is Longmere still your top choice for Ruby?” she asks.
I nod, impressed with her memory of Boston schools and even more so when she asks, “That’s where April’s daughter goes, right?”
“Yeah . . . Which at the moment isn’t a selling point for Nick,” I say, giving her the full story about Nick’s patient.
“He wants to avoid the entire drama . . . Or at least avoid the types he perceives to be meddlesome, do-nothing drama queens.”“Meddlesome, do-nothing drama queens are everywhere,” Rachel says. “Private schools, public schools. Manhattan, the Midwest. They’re unavoidable.”
“Yeah,” I say. “But tell that to Nick.”

I don’t know if you’re a parent, but I fully understand Tessa’s battles regarding that sort of thing. Shouldn’t that be his priority as a parent? To ensure that his kids get the best education that they can as early as possible, since it’s a big part of their future prospects and ability? It seems his reasons for not wanting Ruby to go is based on his selfishness of not wanting to deal with the drama of the desperate housewives, instead of looking at the bigger picture: his gifted child’s education. Know what I mean? Also, where in the book does he bring up cost as a reason not to send Ruby? I know Tessa indicated that he’d rather send her to public school as I quoted above, but I’m on Tessa’s side again, in this. Public schools here in America these days are lacking, even some of those in the suburbs, not to say that’s the case for where they live.

However, it’s really less about that, cost, and public vs private, and more about the conversation and effort expressed to help your wife come to a suitable decision regarding your child’s education. But you’re are right, we don’t really get to see him being involved with his kids, other than the trip to the museum and a walk outside. We garner this info bc it’s what is told to us and not seen. A weakness in the writing. I don’t understand how Giffin can, on one hand, have Tessa say he’s “good father”, and then have her subsequently complain about him regarding what I deem as critical roles as a parent, what would make one a good one. I suppose all parents have room for improvement, though.