A Clockwork Red Riding Hood

[James]

I think you could stand to lose everything but the below section. It gets the joke across rather well and the rest of the piece is a little turgid. The whole thing reads like a writing excercise so I doubt it would be of much interest to anyone but you and your teacher.

“What bolshy glazzies you have gran” I said.
“All the better to viddy you with my dear” she answered, and wiped her otchkies on the bedspread.
“What a bolshy mordor you have gran” I said
“All the better to smell you with my dear” she replied
“What bolshy ooko’s you have gran” I said
“All the better to sloosh you with my dear” she replied
“What bolshy zoobies you have gran” I said
“ALL THE BETTER TO EAT YOU WITH MY DEAR” my gran crarked and leaped at your Humble Narrator. I jumped back real skorry and shock and surprise it wasn’t my gran in the bed, it was the baddiwad wolf. I wasn’t up to dratsing with the wolf so I ran real skorry out of the domy and ran to find any droog that I could. The wolf got tangled up in the unfamiliar platties and stayed in the house.

Also, I don't understand why you've bothered to put a copyright mark on an unsellable piece of prose you have posted in a public forum.