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January 28, 2012: Free Write Challenge
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The night had drawn long as she walked though the snow to calm her nerves. She had been locked in the house for days on end and she needed fresh air. Somehow she found her self running. Grateful for the moonlight she kept going and didn't look back. "I don't need it. I don't need them. I was fine on my own and I still am." talking to herself, saw tried to ignore the cold but it hardly worked. Her blanket she had made into a cloak for warmth seem as thin as a sheet. It was hopeless keeping her hood up when the wind kept blowing it down. Her hands felt fragile and she hadn't noticed they were a deep red and cracked. That night was one of those winter nights no one dared to step outside. She stopped at a treefor a rest, putting both of her poor hands on the rough bark of the tree that seemed to shiver at her touch. She had gone to far this time and she could see the fog surrounding her. Breathing hard she sat in the snow and closed her eyes. If this was death she didn't care.
She felt warmer, covered in furs and she could feel the wagon bump and waddle along through the fog. "Poor lass." someone said
"Poor, stupid lass." Said another voice, scratchy.
"Check and see if she needs anything." the first voice said.
"There you are, girly." a hairy man covered her in another blanket. he looked up from her to talk to the other. "Is the that the window?"
"Sure is. We'll be there in a just moment girly. Don't you worry."
She closed her eyes again and slept.
Light streamed into the house as sat up. She was back, trapped again, but she was glad. The door open and in walked the hairy man holding a tray full of food. "She wakes!" he said, coming in followed the other man. "You owe me 10 dollars, Al." He set the tray down as the girl starred at it contents. There was a green looking creamy soup. The hairy man spooned up the soup a offered it to her. There was something about this man. His silk beard, soft brown eyes, broad face and chin. All at once the perfect memories flooded back to her a tears escaped her eye.
"Yer sad, lass?" He asked
She shook her head. "Daddy."
The man smiled "I'm glad you remember."
If she got up the hug him now she was afraid she would collapse. She was back trapped with the people she loved.
Ton!noT wrote: "-Toni-Journey Home
The air was icy as she breathed in raggedly. It was like needles pricking the inside of her esophagus with every breath. Snow glistened covering the world in a never ending b..."
Goodness, I may have to put a legnth limit on here (JK). Well done though. Everything is well depicted (meaning prompt is well completed) and it flows smoothly through out. Nice job and thanks for participating!
Rikki wrote: "The night had drawn long as she walked though the snow to calm her nerves. She had been locked in the house for days on end and she needed fresh air. Somehow she found her self running. Grateful fo..."Well done, you completed the prompt well. Just work on your fluidity and you will have a nice and well depicted piece. Thanks for participating!
Soft white SNOW fell, twinkling in the dull MOONLIGHT. She shivered as the COLD bark of the Maple TREE touched her bare hands. Carefully calculating her landing, she threw herself from treetop to tree top, until she reached the house.Nimbly, she climbed up the ROUGH brick wall until she reached the fourth story WINDOW. She carefully slid the glass open and pushed aside the purple curtain. A lone figure lay asleep on a small bed in the corner. She walked over to it and gently shook it awake. LIGHT blue eyes jerked open and the mouth began to open as if to scream.
She put a finger to her lips and crossed her thumb over her pinky finger, showing that she was a friend. The mouth shut and it sat up. Long black hair fell into his eyes and his t-shirt clung to his muscled body. Without a word, he climbed out of bed, and followed her back out the window, and onto the roof.
Her CREAMY white skin reflected the moonlight, her light blue hair tumbled down past her shoulders, but fell down in front of her face hiding mischevious yellow eyes. She wore a loose SILK dress and small ruby flats, that fit the red material wonderfully. She was almost PERFECT, except for one problem, her tongue had been cut off and she could no longer speak. The boy looked at her and waited, she pointed to him, back to herself, and over to the trees.
He nodded understanding the message, and the two proceeded to throw themselves into the first tree, hiding in the cover of the dead leaves. Just as they did so, shouts erupted behind them, and the light to his room flicked on. The silhouettes of men roamed around the room and various objects shattered against the wall. Groans of outrage filled the air and something was thrown out the window. They watched, stunned, as the broken glass fell twinkling in it's last moments.
She was SAD to see them go, but knew that they were better off. With a quick touch to her lips, they were off, jumping between trees without effort, and without making a sound. Once she thought they were far enough away, she motioned for him to stop, and they settled in a lower branch of a pine tree. The boy placed a hand on his heart and held his other up with the thumb and pinky crossed to show his gratitude. She smiled and nodded to acknowlage his thanks.
She shuddered slightly as the cold began to nip at her bare legs and arms, but they boy payed no attention as his gaze was directed elsewhere. In a sudden violent shudder, she fell off of the branch, unleashing a tumble of snow with her. She COLLAPSED upon the ground, the white powder smothering her soundless screams.
She'd never known any sort of LOVE.
Ton!noT wrote: "sorry lol, it was just one of the moments where I got caught up, and it was kind of an extension of something I previously wrote *cough, cough*. Thanks so much though, and always happy to participate."It's okay :)
Kayla wrote: "Soft white SNOW fell, twinkling in the dull MOONLIGHT. She shivered as the COLD bark of the Maple TREE touched her bare hands. Carefully calculating her landing, she threw herself from treetop to t..."Nicely described, you completed the prompt well. On a side note don't use her/ she so much, it gets repetitive to the reader. Instead combine the sentences into a more complex one or use her name. Overall it flows well and is a nicely written piece. Thanks for participating!
I very rarely write romance, so... well I hope this turned out okay. ;) Here goes!-Kirsten
-Memory
A light dusting of snow gave the narrow street an almost eerie look. The street was illumined by pale, flickering street lamps and the occasional silver-blue shaft of moonlight when a crescent moon peered from behind heavy clouds. A young woman made her way along the sidewalk, her breath billowing out into the cold air as a cloud of misty white.
A single aspen tree, hardly more than a sapling, graced the block, looking very out of place among the grubby shops that lined it. Here the pedestrian stopped, resting a hand on the white trunk. She drew her coat tighter about herself in response to the gust and knelt in the fresh snow. With a gloved hand, she away a patch of white from the rough pavement near the base of the tree. She could trace every line of the plaque, knew every letter by heart, but with the flakes of snow adorning her sleeves and the crisp night air in her lungs, the memories seemed to come alive for her, as if she was looking through a window to the past. She clenched her teeth, feeling a lump rise painfully in her throat, and slipped off her glove to rest a bare hand on the creamy white tablet.
The crunch of footsteps in the fresh snow brought her back to the present. She looked up and was just able to make out the shape of another person outlined in the light of a nearby shop window. She turned silently away, and a moment later felt a hand rest on her shoulder.
“Merry Christmas.” he said, and she could hear the smile in his voice. She put her own ungloved hand over his, unable to summon up a smile in response. “I brought you something.” he said, crouching beside her to press a beautiful silk scarf into her other hand. She looked up slowly and this time managed to offer him a smile. It didn’t reach her eyes. She blinked and turned quickly away again. His own smile faded and he remained silent for a long time, crouched beside her. She heard a soft rustle, and to her surprise, he reached past her and placed his second offering under the plaque: a bouquet of light purple orchids. “I miss him too.” he said quietly.
She looked up once more, fighting to hold back tears. How was it that he always knew the best moment, the worst moment, the perfect moment, to act? His smile had returned, though this time it was tinged with the same sad memories she had been fighting all day. She felt her resolve collapsing inside of her. With a sob, she buried her face in his coat, and he wrapped his arms around her. Beneath the thin, leafless branches of the little tree, they knelt, arms around one another, and she spoke into his coat, so softly that he nearly missed her words,
“I love you.”
December crunches underfoot as he steps out onto the frozen lake. There is little snow on the ice. The moonlight reflects off the crystalline surface leaving the shoreline blanketed in darkness as it rises up into the Milky Way. How much of his life has he spent in this transit, traveling back and forth between life and dream life, wondering which is which? He barely notices the cold.On the far shore, he stealthily makes his way past the giant Ash tree to the cabin and peers in through the front window. She is lying back on the sofa, face bruised, blood running from a cut above her eye. The husband has been rough with her tonight. The blood is bright against her light, pale skin, that creamy complexion. She is wearing a silk blouse, garish violet. Her face looks toward the window. How odd that tonight, after all these years, she might have seen him. But no, her perfect face will never look up into his. He wonders if this makes her sad.
He collapses on the ice while making his way back. There is no life without love.
Daniel wrote: "December crunches underfoot as he steps out onto the frozen lake. There is little snow on the ice. The moonlight reflects off the crystalline surface leaving the shoreline blanketed in darkness a..."Well done, everything was nicely dipicted and you used all the words properly. Just work on your word choice and sentence structure to make it flow smoother and you will have a gripping piece. I quite enjoyed it, thanks for participating!
κίρστεν (Kirsten who loves Greek :) wrote: "I very rarely write romance, so... well I hope this turned out okay. ;) Here goes!-Kirsten
-Memory
A light dusting of snow gave the narrow street an almost eerie look. The street was illumined b..."
Nice job, everything is described well and the emotions are fluid within the piece. Your sentence structure is good and it flows well, just format your dialogue so it doesn't get lost in the piece and you will have a nice piece of work. I enjoyed it and thanks for participating!
Irene wrote: "κίρστεν (Kirsten who loves Greek :) wrote: "I very rarely write romance, so... well I hope this turned out okay. ;) Here goes!-Kirsten
-Memory
A light dusting of snow gave the narrow street an a..."
Okay. I have a tendency to make my dialogue confusing. ^^ Do you have any suggestions on how I could make it better?
κίρστεν (Kirsten who loves Greek :) wrote: "Irene wrote: "κίρστεν (Kirsten who loves Greek :) wrote: "I very rarely write romance, so... well I hope this turned out okay. ;) Here goes!-Kirsten
-Memory
A light dusting of snow gave the narr..."
Just format it in the 'proper' way and then you can go from there, it will help section it out. I have posted basic directions below, if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask.
How to write dialogue basics:
1. New paragraph everytime you have dialogue or someone else starts to talk.
2. Put the dialogue in parentheses but only what is being said.
3. Make sure to tell who is speaking and how they are speaking either before or after the dialogue
Example:
Samantha paced the kitchen, firmly smacking her cell onto the counter. How was she going to tell Tom, he was already at the airport and his phone would be off. The doorbell rang and her best friend walked in.
"Sam? Have you gotten a hold of him yet?" Maria spoke, carefully grabbing her shoulders to stop the pacing.
"It's too late," replied Samantha, "by the time I get to the airport he'll be gone."
"Try. Just try," said Maria.
Samantha shook her head. "Life isn't like the movies. Tom won't be waiting for me at the door of the plane."
"You have to atleast try Sam, you will regret it if you don't tell him." Maria replied gently, almost pleadingly as she pressed the car keys into Sam's hands.
Word list:
Snow
Moonlight
Cold
Tree
Rough
Window
Light
Creamy
Silk
Perfect
Sad
Collapse/collapsed/collapsing/collapses (use one of these)
Love/loved/loving/loves (use one of these)