The Sword and Laser discussion
Anybody else have a spouse that doesnt get it?
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I am a member of your club. It also translates into movies as well. Never mind that I will tag along for every chick flick that she wants to see but heaven forbid should I want to see something along the scifi fantasy angle.
I don't have that problem, but then i did meet my husband at a roleplaying convention... Couldn't you get her to read just one, with a really good story? Maybe she'd change her mind :-)
My girlfriend is the same, she doesn't care at all about fantasy or science fiction. She just doesn't understand why people would be interested in magic or aliens. However she's happy that I'm spending the time with these books rather than out drinking.
Same here. We both like to read, but completely different genres, so it's actually both of us. My husband doesn't get science fiction and fantasy even less. He mostly reads thrilles, crime and horror, all of which I can appreciate at times, but it's not really my genre as well.I got him to read "Let the Right One In" which he really enjoyed, but that book kind of falls into the thriller/horror genre, so it wasn't completely out of his comfort zone, I guess.
It translates to movies as well, where we learnt to compromise the "We'll watch a movie you like and then we'll watch one I like".
Usually it's not like we actively dislike each another's choices, it's more like the movies he wants to see are not high up on my list and vice versa.
Thought I'm significant-other-less right now, I face this quite frequently with my friends. The majority of my friends don't read much if at all. When they read, they read Twilight and other things that make me die a little inside.The trade-off, of course, is that they watch a lot of TV and movies. So I have no idea what they're talking about most times with pop culture references, but can tell them all about why the movie we just saw together is so different from the book...it works out. :)
Anne wrote: "It translates to movies as well, where we learnt to compromise the "We'll watch a movie you like and then we'll watch one I like". Usually it's not like we actively dislike each another's choices, it's more like the movies he wants to see are not high up on my list and vice versa.
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This is how my wife and I operate for the movies as well. Unless its Thor. For some reason my wife just loves Thor. Always has. Even when it was a crappy cartoon on weekday afternoons.
We both really enjoy fantasy books though. I even had her read two of my favorite series from when I was a kid. The Belgariad and The Mallorean and she really liked them. But when it comes to anything sci-fi ish she checks out. The same goes for me on some of her stuff too though. I tried to read the Sookie Stackhouse books that she loves so much but just couldn't get into them.
If my hobby was building ships in a bottle, or collecting stamps. Why in the world would I want to drag my spouse into something she may see as boring as heck? SciFi/Fantasy is just another hobby. Don't force someone to enjoy it, just because you do.
My wife and I have tried a book exchange twice, where we each give each other a favorite book to read. In both cases, mine were in the sci-fi or fantasy camp. In both cases, she did not finish my pick.
My wife doesn't read so it isn't anything we talk about...plus what Stan said...
I both agree and disagree with you Stan. Reading is a hobby of sorts and is certainly a solo pursuit but it is a solo pursuit until you put the book down and then it is immensely enjoyable to share your excitement, thoughts and theories with another reader. And what better person to share those thoughts with than you spouse. At the end of the day, my wife not enjoying my favorite genre has zero impact on our marriage or my reading choices, I was just curious how common it is for spouses to have completely different tastes in books.
Stan wrote: "If my hobby was building ships in a bottle, or collecting stamps. Why in the world would I want to drag my spouse into something she may see as boring as heck? SciFi/Fantasy is just another hobby. Don't force someone to enjoy it, just because you do."
This is one of those things that's true to a limited extent. Once you go past a certain tipping point, I think it damages your relationship as you drift further apart.
If you want any relationship to work, I think you need to not only agree on the big things in life (religion, politics, how many rocks is too many to throw at the damn kids on your lawn) but also the everyday stuff. A marriage is like riding together in a car. Forever. You need a lot of common ground to pass the time and not go crazy. If you can't agree on the radio station and the audiobook, it just becomes tiresome after a while.
So if you're going off one night a week to build ships in a bottle, you're probably fine. But if you're also subscribing Bottle Ship Magazine, going to conventions and working on your model five nights a week, you really do need to have someone in your life who loves that stuff, too.
Anne wrote: "Same here. We both like to read, but completely different genres, so it's actually both of us. My husband doesn't get science fiction and fantasy even less. He mostly reads thrilles, crime and crime and horror, all of which I can appreciate at times, but it's not really my genre as well."He's not as far apart as some people are, though. Many thrillers are thinly-disguised science fiction. Almost all of Tom Clancy's early work, for instance. Plus, most horror is just "scary fantasy." Stephen King is primarily a Fantasy novelist, with a little sci-fi (Firestarter) thrown in. You could easily nudge him toward other fantasy and science fiction that he'd like.
Trike wrote: "Anne wrote: "Same here. We both like to read, but completely different genres, so it's actually both of us. My husband doesn't get science fiction and fantasy even less. He mostly reads thrilles, c..."I agree, and this makes it easier sometimes. I tried to get him to read some of the books I like and thought that he would, too, but I usually failed. I succeeded with "Let the Right One In", which is a thriller-horror-fantasy-mix.
On the other hand, if he recommends one to me I usually read which is why I do have my fair share of thrillers and stuff in my Goodreads library. They're usually books that my husband bought (or that I bought for him) and that he recommended.
But to be fair I read a lot more than he does, so I guess it's "easier" for me to squish in some books that I wouldn't have picked myself and still somehow read all the stuff that's on my list.
(Also, I admit, I do like the occasional thriller now and then and I've had some really good ones. So maybe it's a good thing to get sidetracked from my own to-read list once in a while.)
Trike wrote: "... A marriage is like riding together in a car. Forever. You need a lot of common ground to pass the time and not go crazy...."I agree, Trike.
When I first met my husband we had quite a lot in common but I had no interest in horror movies and a mild interest in cars. He wasn't really sure what sci-fi was.
20 years later and I am happy to watch Top Gear with him and he enjoys Star Trek. I'm too squeamish for most horror movies but he tells me lovingly about the wonders of Italian motors while I geek out about space travel and bio-mechanical war machines.
I have quite eclectic tastes and am used to the fact that most people think I'm a little weird. But my marriage is my sanctuary. I can be the real me when I'm with my husband and he still loves me.
My spouse is much more likely than me to watch sci-fi tv/movies. He rewatched Star Trek... Again....But he isn't a reader. Not at all. I mean, he know how, but only reads things like Wired and Popular Mechanics. This is why I need all of you, of course!
My wife has never 'got' sci-fi and hates fantasy. She mostly reads non-fiction, particularly biographies, but also thrillers. I've been gradually steering her to the techno-thriller category. I don't think she realises how close that often is to sci-fi .
I've converted my wife and several others to the fantasy genre with GRRM's ASOIAF books. The most common response after reading the first book is "I didn't know fantasy could be like this." Of course the first book doesn't contain a lot of dragons and magic, its more political intrigue. I'm actually pretty lucky, my wife isn't a big reader, but she's pretty nerdy in her own way. She doesn't do games, or computers, or gadgets. And she won't watch anything Star Trek or Star Wars with me. But if I let her pick the next Netflix series we are gonna watch she comes up with Warehouse 13, or Eureka. She likes Grimm and Once Upon a Time, and Fringe.
In the past I was always involved with writing groups where I could geek out with others about fresh ideas or the latest must read book but due to my writing schedule, these had to be put on the back burner. I am hoping that as I get more involved with Sword and Laser, that it will fill the void of not having someone to discuss Wheel of Time theory's with.
Don't mistake me, my wife is amazing, she just thinks I am a huge nerd for liking this stuff. Although I am loathe to tell her, I am in fact a huge nerd...
Any other huge nerds in the same boat?