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Let's make Luke go on a rant.

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message 1: by Dagda (last edited Dec 09, 2011 12:23AM) (new)

Dagda | 7 comments I enjoy Luke's reviews, even when he reviews good books that I am not interested in reading. I understand that my taste in fiction is my own, and I appreciate that good writers can write books that I will be unable to get through, just because my taste in fiction is different than theirs.

However, I really enjoy hearing rants about bad writing, regardless of my own tastes.


I started this thread to encourage others to suggest books that are so awful that it defies the imagination that they ever got printed. Perhaps Luke could suggest some choice rants from the standing archive of podcasts, or perhaps he will accept this a a challenge, and waste his precious time on some really bad SyFyFantasy writing.

Please accept this not as a dry exercise in irony, but as a learning experience. I believe that by dissecting bad writing, we can come to appreciate the mechanics of good writing.

Perhaps we can have some fun along the way . . .

I inaugurate the proceedings by placing Mercedes Lackey on the dissection table. She is a very popular author who is apparently incapable of getting out of the way when Plot is happening.

I hope we can get a good rant out of Luke if we populate this feed with enough cannon fodder.


message 2: by kvon (new)

kvon | 3 comments Worst book I couldn't read was Twilight. If you want bad writing. But I'm not sure that I'm cruel enough to make Luke read that.


message 3: by Keith (new)

Keith Jones (stormsdream) | 6 comments I actually prefer some of the rants where Mr. Burrage loved the book or went off on really impassioned tangents. The following leap to mind:

Ayn Rand - Atlas Shrugged
George Orwell - 1984
Robert Heinlein - The Moon is a Harsh Mistress

For really impassioned rants about lousy books, try:

George Martin - A Game of Thrones
Neal Stephenson - Snow Crash

I don't want to recommend books just to make the boy rant for our amusement. The more you rant and hate the easier it gets to rant and hate until all you can do is rant and hate. No fun.

Just to compare books people couldn't stand and wouldn't wish upon anybody to read, I personally could not stand:

Stephen Hunt - The Court of the Air
Mira Grant - Feed

Seriously, do not attempt to read either of those books.


message 4: by Luke (new)

Luke Burrage (lukeburrage) | 313 comments Mod
kvon wrote: "Worst book I couldn't read was Twilight. If you want bad writing. But I'm not sure that I'm cruel enough to make Luke read that."

Twilight? For that you should check out the video series "Alex Reads Twilight" as he dissects it for bad writing almost line by line: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2L253V... I couldn't do a better job than Alex, and don't think I need to try.


message 5: by Luke (new)

Luke Burrage (lukeburrage) | 313 comments Mod
Dagda wrote: "I enjoy Luke's reviews, even when he reviews good books that I am not interested in reading. I understand that my taste in fiction is my own, and I appreciate that good writers can write books that..."

As for reading books specifically for rants, I'd really rather not! I love getting into a good rant, but I don't enjoy reading bad novels.

But, to make you listeners happy, I'll give it a go. If you want me to read a bad book, please make sure it is a SHORT book. Five or six hours at the most in audio, or about 200 pages. Also if a book is well known to be badly written, like Twilight, I'm sure others have already done scathing reviews already.

For my own rants, you could check out the episode lists, sorted by star ratings, and check out the 0-2 star novels. http://www.sfbrp.com/episode-lists#02

Meanwhile, feel free to nominate some more authors or specific novels!


message 6: by Jerzy (last edited Dec 08, 2011 03:14AM) (new)

Jerzy Brzozowski | 1 comments The Shadow of the Ship by Robert Franson

The absolute worst SF book I ever read was The Shadow of the Ship, by Robert Franson. This might be interesting, since Luke may actually like it! I was apparently the only one who hated it on Amazon. It might be hard to get, though.


message 7: by Keith (new)

Keith Jones (stormsdream) | 6 comments That wasn't a dare. Those books really are horrible.

You shouldn't try to force a ranting state. It doesn't work that way. We can tell when you're faking.

Okay, now what would be really funny would be if you did try reading one of those books and you liked it.


message 8: by Tamer (new)

Tamer Sadek | 4 comments I've got one:

The Invaders Plan - L. Ron Hubbard.

Unbelievably this is one of a series of TEN books! Even more unbelievably I managed to get to Book 4 (I was younger and more naive!).

To be fair, I wouldn't really recommend this for poor Luke, it's 600 pages long - perhaps he could read the first 200??


message 9: by Dagda (last edited Dec 09, 2011 02:27AM) (new)

Dagda | 7 comments Wow. I just fixed the misspelling of "learning" in the initial post. The Gods of Irony have pounded me in the left temporal lobe without mercy.

Luke: I don't want to encourage you to read really bad crap. I genuinely want people to call really *good* crap to your attention, so that you can dissect it, and have some fun along the way.

The publishing industry has its mysterious ways. One certainty is that if authors sell, then they will be invited to write more. The deeper mystery is why some authors who couldn't write their way out of an over-boiled won ton skin continue to sell.


message 10: by Mouldy Squid (new)

Mouldy Squid (mouldysquid) | 6 comments Lowest Common Denominator, Dagda, Lowest Common Denominator.


message 11: by Timo (new)

Timo Pietilä | 2 comments Blackout/All Clear by Connie Willis?
Many people love those books for some totally inexplicable reason, even though they are wretched novels. At least I had a lot of fun trashing them on my blog..


message 12: by Sean (new)

Sean O'Hara (seanohara) | 53 comments Timo wrote: "Blackout/All Clear by Connie Willis?
Many people love those books for some totally inexplicable reason, even though they are wretched novels. At least I had a lot of fun trashing them on my blog.."


I understand that anyone at all familiar with London will want to hurl the books at Willis. The one criticism that sticks in my mind is that at one point a person is trying to get from Point A to Point B, but the tube station at Point A is out of commission, so he walks to the station at Point C -- without regard to the fact that Point B is half a mile from where he is and Point C is five miles the other way.


Isabel (kittiwake) | 67 comments I do enjoy Luke's rants. While listening to the Daemon review I was thinking that it was a rant of almost Kermodian proportions, and then Luke mentioned Transformers and Michael Bay and he could have been channelling the spirit of Mark Kermode!

But I won't recommend any of the truly dreadful books I've read, I will just wait for a rant to happen naturally : )


message 14: by Paul (new)

Paul Forbes | 16 comments Tamer wrote: "I've got one:

The Invaders Plan - L. Ron Hubbard.

Unbelievably this is one of a series of TEN books! Even more unbelievably I managed to get to Book 4 (I was younger and more naive!).

To be fa..."


Hello everyone! Sorry if I do this wrong because I'm new here.
I also read 'The Invaders Plan' and got to about book 4 when I was younger. I thought it was going to get better but it got stupid.

And hello Luke! Still loving SFBRP but now that I've listened to every episode I have to wait for each new one now. So I've also started going back and listening to old ones. I might now go back and enjoy the "rant" episodes!
- Paul Forbes


message 15: by Luke (new)

Luke Burrage (lukeburrage) | 313 comments Mod
"Hominids" holds a special place in my heart because I was slightly high on pain and painkillers at the time I recorded it. Good times!


message 16: by Dagda (new)

Dagda | 7 comments Paul wrote: "Tamer wrote: "I've got one:

The Invaders Plan - L. Ron Hubbard.

Unbelievably this is one of a series of TEN books! Even more unbelievably I managed to get to Book 4 (I was younger and more naive..."


Welcome, Paul!
I started this thread because I love a good rant from an incomparable ranter. When Luke really gets going, he is like a force of nature.

This is the first thread I ever started on goodreads, and the thoughtful responses have been very gratifying. My one fear was that I might influence Luke a bit too much, by encouraging him to rant when the rant really wasn't warranted. Well, Luke has always been an honest reviewer, so I guess I needn't have bothered.

Authentic rants are the best.


message 17: by Paul (new)

Paul Forbes | 16 comments I don't think you'll influence Luke to rant without warrant! I don't actually know Luke but in his podcasts he does talk about a lot of personal, non-book related stuff and from what I've learnt about him, he's not the type to do that. I could be wrong though!


message 18: by Luke (new)

Luke Burrage (lukeburrage) | 313 comments Mod
Paul wrote: "I don't think you'll influence Luke to rant without warrant! I don't actually know Luke but in his podcasts he does talk about a lot of personal, non-book related stuff and from what I've learnt ab..."

Rants are fun, but there is a time and a place. I generally keep them restricted to podcasts, but back in November I had great (mildly drunken) rant about acupuncturists that actually got a round of applause from the people in the taxi with me.


message 19: by Emanuel (new)

Emanuel Landeholm (elandeholm) | 14 comments The mildly drunken rants are the best.


message 20: by Paul (new)

Paul Forbes | 16 comments Oh they so are!


message 21: by Emanuel (new)

Emanuel Landeholm (elandeholm) | 14 comments Agreed absolutely with Keith re. Rand, Orwell and Heinlein. Just for the record.


message 22: by Otto (new)

Otto | 33 comments I dream of a podcast where drunk Lukes rants on about why Twilight SUCKS SO BAD!!!


message 23: by Luke (new)

Luke Burrage (lukeburrage) | 313 comments Mod
Otto wrote: "I dream of a podcast where drunk Lukes rants on about why Twilight SUCKS SO BAD!!!"

I think Alex Day has you covered! Start at this video and keep watching all the way through:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2L253V...


message 24: by Preston (new)

Preston Ray (pmray) | 4 comments Loved Luke's Snowcrash rant. I have always hated that book but sound like an incoherent goober when I rant about it. It was incredible to hear a clear passionate description of so many of the things that drove me crazy about it. I swear it was a near religious experience. I wanted to yell "testify brother!" while listening to it.


message 25: by Paul (new)

Paul Forbes | 16 comments Check out the 'Red Seas Under Red Skies' review. Luke goes into a brilliant rant about "Kill Locke Lamora!" It cracked me up!


message 26: by Alan (new)

Alan Smith | 15 comments Luke RANT? Surely not. When was this?


message 27: by Andrew (new)

Andrew Chamberlain (andychamberlain) | 14 comments I think "Canticle for Leibowitz" was the first time I've heard Luke get a little bit Ranty in a while, and I have a theory why that might be.

Why might Luke have ranted this time? Well there's clearly a religious theme to Canticle, and that's going to increase the likelihood of a rant, not because Luke rants unfairly at books about religion, rather I think because it's a subject he's interested in and passionate about.

Why hasn't he ranted so much recently? My theory is it's because Juliane is on the show with him. This does NOT mean I don't think she should be on the show, I think she should and she is a great compliment to Luke, however if she is there I just can't see Luke going off on a "Scalzi - Red Shirts" for example, and those of you who heard that classic will know what I mean.

Are we now seeing the advent of a more measured and calm SFBRP? maybe


message 28: by Luke (new)

Luke Burrage (lukeburrage) | 313 comments Mod
The reason I don't rant with Juliane on an episode is that generally we pick good books to read. As in, books I've read before and know she will like. Why would I get her to read books I don't enjoy?

The only book we read together and really didn't enjoy was The Vor Game. I can't remember if there was a rant about on that episode. If not, just imagine my "Kill Locke Lamora" rant but imagine I say the name "Miles Vorkosigan" instead.

Also I've had less patience for bad books recently. If I'm not enjoying it, I just stop, and then never get round to ranting about the aspects that anger me.

That said, I should finish off the Rudy Rucker novel I'm half way through. Who knows if that will spark anything off.


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