Why do we worry?

[Paramahamsa]

Why do we worry?

Listen carefully. The question I ask is not, ‘What do you worry about?’ For even a ten-year-old would be able to answer that one!

We are all ready with a list of things that get us worried - money, work, relationships, illness - just about anything under the sun could be a source of worry. Strangely, for some, the opposite reasons could be a cause for worry! When questioned, one person says, ‘I don’t have children, that is my problem’, while his neighbour protests, ‘I have children, that is my problem’! Money and the lack of money are both perceived equally as problems by different people. If one can’t invent worries, even the lack of worry could become something to worry about! In fact, elderly retired people often come to me with the complaint that they have nothing to do and no one to worry about, and therefore have no reason to live! We come from all walks of life – different cultures, financial conditions, age groups. Yet, we all worry just the same. If external circumstances were the sole cause of worry, why would we all suffer in the same way?

The real reason we worry lies deep within ourselves. Look deeply into your worry. You will find that worry, like any suffering is not an external event in your life. Rather, it is your response to an event. Whether a situation makes you worry or not depends entirely on how you choose to react to that situation.

Just suppose your friend lands himself a great job. There are two ways you could perceive the situation. You could think, ‘He’s got a great job.’ Or you could think, ‘Oh my God, he’s got a great job! What about me?

What am I going to do? What will my wife say? Should I start looking for another job? What if I’m not good enough?

Why doesn’t anything ever go right for me?’

Do you see how worry slips into the situation even without your being aware of it? After all, there is nothing inherently painful in your friend getting a great job. Worry is simply what happens when you constantly check yourself against external frames of reference. Am I doing as well as my neighbours? Is my boss impressed with me? What will my kids think?

Worry can become a need!

Why this need to get approval all the time from others? The sad truth is, we all have stopped trusting ourselves a long time ago.

As children, each of us is strongly centered in our own being. Have you ever seen a little child worry about what people might think of him? But as we grow, society plays this idea constantly into our minds. Society teaches us to evaluate ourselves by the ideas and opinions of others - parents, teachers, friends, even strangers. As a result, we begin to believe less and less in ourselves. Without external support, without social ‘certificates’ for all our convictions and actions, we fear that our ego will collapse in no time.

When you worry about something, you feel as if you have a definite point of reference against which to measure yourself. That is why worrying seems to give a centre to your being, a direction to your life. Without worry, you feel as if your being has no axis about which to move! For this very reason, many of us are actually in love with our worries.

People come to me and say, ‘My business is going from bad to worse. I suffered heavy losses last month, and I know that next month is going to be even worse.’ So I ask them, ‘If you can foresee that, why don’t you close your business right away?’ And they protest in horror, ‘What? What will I do then?’

What they actually mean is, ‘What will I worry about then?’ Without a reason to worry, your ego loses its moorings; it loses its reason for existence. That is why you choose to remain in the dimension of dukkha (worry). You cannot relate to the opposite dimension, ananda (bliss) – for in that dimension, you are nobody. To enjoy bliss, you need to first drop your ego. Are you ready to do that? No! You are ready to take on all worries, but you can’t let go of your ego! So you keep finding excuses to worry. Most of all, you worry about the fact that everyone around you is happy, while only you are not. But the funny thing is that every single person feels the same way. How is this possible?... Read More:Uncommon Answers to Common Questions by Paramahamsa Nithyananda