Cameras - removing the fear

[Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous!]

This hit me this morning and is similar to the mirror discussion. I hate having my picture taken. Now, I was not always like this. When I was a younger child, I adored it. It maybe because my mom doesn't like it either and I learned it from her, or maybe it is because that when a picture is taken, like a mirror, it it cannot lie. You see yourself as you are,physically and nothing else. A picture cannot show YOU as YOU are with your intelligence, warmth, or sense of humor. It just shows a person. A fat person.

So what is wrong with that? Why should I be embarrassed or ashamed of how I look if I am supposed to be comfortable in my own skin? This is a hard question to answer. Stacy London, a fashion stylist and co-host of TLC's "What Not to Wear" said that "every woman in the world has body image issues." I know many men do to. If we are trying to say that we are not monsters, or ugly or wrong, then why should we give in to body image issues?

A few years ago, Dove stared the "campaign for real beauty" and put "real women" of all shapes, ages, sizes in their commercials. This was also apart of a "lets empower girls" movement to get young girls to understand advertising tricks and to see themselves as beautiful and talented they way they are. Yet, we live in a society that in spite of this says that if you are fat, you are wrong.

Cameras do not lie, but people do. They lie to each other and also, and this may be the worse one of the two, to themselves. We allow some poster or ad or billboard to tell us how we should look because if we were happy with ourselves, no one would ever sell make-up or hair dye again.

So here's what I'm going to start to try to do. The next time a camera comes out, I'm not going to hide or run. I am going to strike a pose and let my picture be taken. (Yes, Paul, I will let you hold me to that!) I am going to start to change how I see myself in the eyes of my own beholding. I am a work in progress, we all are. I will have problems with this but I intend to conquer it. I am beautiful, I am worth while, and I intend to show my self that I am.

We all are, in our own ways, talented, beautiful, handsome, attractive, funny, and worth while. Shine on.

[Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous!]

This weekend, Narzain was helping me put some photos on my flash drive. I got a new swimsuit (there will be a post about that separately) but it needs a few tweaks so he took pictures of the problem area so I could show the designer what I needed. I forgot about my niece's graduation party being on his camera too.

When I saw myself, I cried because I am so big, and I was ashamed. This is why so many of us fear cameras, they tell the truth. Like a mirror, it shows what is there in front of it, no delusions, no hiding the truth. It shows us for who we are and nothing more. So why was I ashamed? There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with me,so why did I feel shame? Because I have been taught to feel that way. Instead of being happy to have a picture with my niece, I was letting meta messages make me feel bad, and that is wrong. The feeling was not long term, which is good. I got mad at myself and stood up to old fears and ideas.

Actually, I think my favorite one is the one that Narzain got of us cracking up just as he took the picture. That sums up the two of us the best. I love my niece dearly and I did not want her to grow up with the same insecure feelings that most of us have when it comes to this kind of thing. I don't want ANY of my nieces to feel that way or any of my charges.

So, when my new altered suit arrives, I will be posting a picture here for all to see in our group photos.

If that is not giving into fear, I don't know what is.