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Rants / Debates (Serious) > Should couples share their passwords with each other?

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message 2: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) I think no. I mean, for bank accounts and stuff like that -- but that's it.


message 3: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments I don't think giving passwords is always a matter of trust - there are practical considerations. Like the guy who writes the letter, with them it wasn't a big deal at all. But I think if you're in a relationship where one or both think it's necessary for trust,there should probably be a different way to work on the issue. Then there are some people who do it because they just have a principle of sharing everything. For me, privacy is necessary. I'm not interested in what's in my boyfriend's email, if it's not to me. He may be writing all sorts of things to other women, but as long as things are good with us, who cares?


message 4: by Michael (new)

Michael This is kind of silly because a cheater is going to cheat if he wants so sharing an email password means nothing. He shares his email password with his partner on Monday and on Tuesday he creates a new Yahoo email address with a fake ID and does what he wants. For me, even though I think needing a partner's password is a little paranoid, if I can stand naked in front of a woman and she doesn't laugh, hell, if I can stand clothed in front of a woman and she doesn't laugh, she can have my email password.


message 5: by Brittomart (new)

Brittomart Mike, that last sentence made me smile, and I really needed one. Thanks.


message 6: by Janice (new)

Janice (jamasc) It never occurred to me to share my passwords with anyone. I don't think it's a matter of trust. It's just that some things are mine.

There are times that I give my husband my debit card and password to make a deposit for me. He never retains the code though. I, on the other hand, remember his.

I keep telling him that my money is mine and his is mine too.


message 7: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments This is kind of silly because a cheater is going to cheat if he wants so sharing an email password means nothing. He shares his email password with his partner on Monday and on Tuesday he creates a new Yahoo email address with a fake ID and does what he wants.

Yes, I thought the same thing.


message 8: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments It never occurred to me to share my passwords with anyone. I don't think it's a matter of trust. It's just that some things are mine.

This makes sense to me, too.

I don't want my wife's passwords. They're hers.


message 9: by Suefly (new)

Suefly | 620 comments I agree that there are practical reasons to share a password: banking, credit cards, bills, etc. My spouse is often away, and the only access I may have to our accounts is on-line, so yes, when the matter is financial, I think there should be sharing.

However, just because I'm in a relationship, that should not mean that 'I' is now only a 'we'. I have my own friends and needs, so why should my spouse know every move I'm making. If I'm bitching to a girl friend about an intimate issue, chances are R is already aware of it. Same goes for him. He is intitled to do what he wants.I feel oversharing leads to more problems than they are worth.

For the record, I have gotten into R's accounts before and it did norturn out well.


message 10: by Suefly (new)

Suefly | 620 comments Michael wrote: "This is kind of silly because a cheater is going to cheat if he wants so sharing an email password means nothing. He shares his email password with his partner on Monday and on Tuesday he creates a..."



(:-o)


message 11: by Phil (new)

Phil | 11665 comments I know her passwords, she knows mine. I never go into her stuff unless she requests it, and she never goes into mine (as far as I know) unless I request it.

Simple stuff, really.


message 12: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments Yeah, and one thing, what if somebody dies? I don't keep my email password protected. My roommate, who's also my ex-husband, may need to email everybody on my contacts list to tell them I've gone on to my reward.


message 13: by Heidi (last edited Jul 07, 2011 08:56AM) (new)

Heidi (heidihooo) | 10825 comments RandomAnthony wrote: "This is kind of silly because a cheater is going to cheat if he wants so sharing an email password means nothing. He shares his email password with his partner on Monday and on Tuesday he creates a..."

And if she's really paranoid, she can view his history... which would show up another email inbox, unless he's savvy enough to remember to delete his history in which case she'd notice the deleted history, too... also sketchy.

These very things were central to a divorce that some friends of mine went through a couple of years ago... AND they both constantly spied on each other through email, FB, etc. She even continued to spy on his spending habits in their former joint checking account after she was taken off the account... and confessed it to him a year later (the bank heard about THIS from him). It was all very disturbing.

I wouldn't want to know...


message 14: by Gus (new)

Gus Sanchez (gussanchez) My wife and I have a generic password we use for a lot of things, like our online banking, or the password to my router.

She can have my e-mail password. She's smart enough to realize that e-mail offers for discounted Viagra, and invites to hook up with skanky local whores are just more shit that floods my inbox, shit that will get immediately deleted. And I trust her enough to know her e-mail will likely have the same shit to it. In other words, we have nothing to hide. If she wants to spy on me, go for it. She'll get bored pretty quick if she's looking for any clues for infidelity or porn.


message 15: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments Rebecca wrote: "Yeah, and one thing, what if somebody dies? I don't keep my email password protected. My roommate, who's also my ex-husband, may need to email everybody on my contacts list to tell them I've gone..."

That is a pretty big deal. People struggle with access to all kinds of things after a loved one has died. Keeping passwords written down in a secure place for an emergency is important.


message 16: by ~Geektastic~ (new)

 ~Geektastic~ (atroskity) | 3207 comments My husband and I know each others passwords, except for things like YouTube and Facebook, but we tend to be able to guess each others passwords anyway. I don't think you can make a generalization about whether or not a couple "should" share them; every couple is different and some people are more private than others, as all the posts in this thread clearly show.


message 17: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments We know each other's passwords theoretically. I would never use hers to access her account unless she needed me to and vice versa. I think privacy is healthy, but so is trust. I think it's funny that there are people who would trust their money to joint accounts but wouldn't trust their spouse not to spy on their email. Knowing a password and using it are two very different things.


message 18: by Mary (new)

Mary (merrussell) Phil wrote: "I know her passwords, she knows mine. I never go into her stuff unless she requests it, and she never goes into mine (as far as I know) unless I request it.

Simple stuff, really."


I agree Phil. My husband and I have been together for 34 years and the one thing we have in abundance is trust.


message 19: by Lori (new)

Lori Neither Richard or I would care if the other had financial or email password. We're not hiding anything, we're not interested in looking, it would be boring.
Actually, we should probably write ours down somewhere. We have one joint account and our others are separate.

But forums are private it's my own space. I wouldn't care about FB, but he's not on it.

I knew someone who obsessively spied her husband's email. Guess what. They're divorced!


message 20: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 24259 comments Mod
I remember hearing about this case but I don't know what happened with it.

Man facing trial on hacking charge defends reading wife's e-mails

Leon Walker, a Detroit, Michigan, computer technician, faces a jury trial in February for allegedly hacking into his then-wife's e-mail account.

"She'd asked me to read her e-mails before," Walker said in an interview this week. "She gave me the password before. She didn't hide it."

Walker says the e-mails revealed that Clara Walker, who has been married three times, was having an affair with her second husband.


http://articles.cnn.com/2010-12-29/ju...


message 21: by Pat (new)

Pat (patb37) I do the finances in our house. I have written down the locations, account numbers, policy numbers and any password for all my accounts, the joint accounts, my pensions and my life insurance. The list is in the lock box with our passports etc. My husband has written down his accounts etc also.

We have never discussed sharing email passwords, but it is not something I care about.


message 22: by Janice (new)

Janice (jamasc) Pat wrote: "I do the finances in our house. I have written down the locations, account numbers, policy numbers and any password for all my accounts, the joint accounts, my pensions and my life insurance. The ..."

That's a great idea.


message 23: by ~Geektastic~ (last edited Jul 07, 2011 06:50PM) (new)

 ~Geektastic~ (atroskity) | 3207 comments Lobstergirl wrote: "I remember hearing about this case but I don't know what happened with it.

Man facing trial on hacking charge defends reading wife's e-mails

Leon Walker, a Detroit, Michigan, computer technician,..."


I believe the court ruled against the guy that read the emails and he had to serve some sort of token jail time. I could be wrong, but I remember being kind of pissed off when I heard the verdict.


message 24: by Michael (new)

Michael Lobstergirl wrote: "I remember hearing about this case but I don't know what happened with it.

Man facing trial on hacking charge defends reading wife's e-mails

Leon Walker, a Detroit, Michigan, computer technician,..."


Articles like this make me sad. Why can't people be happy with having enough? Why can't people be honest enough to say when they're unhappy?


message 25: by Allison (new)

Allison (thebookwheel) My husband and I know each other's passwords. I'm sure there are passwords of his that I don't know and vice versa, but all the stuff that we need access to we share.


Angela~twistedmind~ (twistedmind) | 540 comments My husband has only recently started 'letting' me give him my password to get into my accts. on the computer. He's never had a problem letting me have his, though. We have seperate bank accts. and we'll also share those if one of us needs it for whatever reason. We trust each other enough that even when we do view each other's email accts, banking accts, etc. we don't go snooping. The need is simply not there.


Stacia (the 2010 club) (stacia_r) BunWat wrote: "I think that's my expectation. My partner would know it, but wouldn't use it without a very good reason."

This.


message 28: by Jammies (new)

Jammies Anecdote time--we've just this year had two clients die mid-divorce. When that happens, the surving party is the widow/widower, and is entitled to the lion's share of the estate. HOWEVER, in one of the cases, our client hadn't changed his bank password since he started the divorce, so the un-grieving widow cleaned out all of his bank accounts less than 48 hours after his death.


message 29: by Louise (new)

Louise We have one banking account, that we both have access to, and then we have common accounts where we both know the password to the online services we both use (lovefilm, our insurance company etc).

I usually open my husbands "official looking" mail, (as in physical letters), because he can't really be bothered, and I get annoyed by overdue fees etc - so we've agreed that I handle most of that stuff for both of us.

We don't feel the need to control og check eachother, I think it's a very unhealthy relationship sign if you do! I wouldn't mind if my husband checked my cellphone or mail to get a number or an address, but I'd be a little surprised if he started reading through my texts/emails - not that I've anything to hide - perhaps apart from my many many Amazon order confirmations :-) :-)


message 30: by Lee (new)

Lee | 703 comments NO......


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