I am humble so I apologize.

[Reads with Scotch]

If the mood ever strikes, this is where the apologies should go. After all we can't have haters apologizing to the offended.


Danny, I'm sorry you're an incompetent shit. I'm sorry that I lost my temper and chewed you out infront of your wife and child. If I considered it possible that a woman would consider sleeping with you (not to mention reproduce with you) I might have curtailed my rage until they were gone. Honestly I thought they were two other people being subjected to your asinine ways.

[smetchie]

Neil Strauss, I'm sorry you're breathing.

[Reads with Scotch]

He does appear to be a total assfuck

[[deleted user]]

Dear former teachers and current mother,

I'm sorry that I never listened when you told me a bajillion times that I need to improve my organization skills.

[[deleted user]]

Dear students,

I'm sorry that I tell you such useless things as "you need to learn how to keep organized!"

[Tom]

Dear Secretary,

I'm sorry i got so pissed off at you for pointing out that i'm disorganized.

I'm sorry that i didn't get my report cards completed as soon as you might have liked. Get over it.

[[deleted user]]

Yeah, they were all finished ahead of schedule but I'm sorry it wasn't soon enough for you. I'm sorry that you had to print those things--STRESSFUL, I'm sure. I'm also sorry that you're naturally perfect. It must be difficult to work with teachers, students and parents that are constantly falling short of your high standards. What are you going to do over vacation when you have so few people to feel superior over? That will be hard, I'm sure. Sorry.

[Tom]

I would apologize for picking on Tambo, but as Nick correctly noted this is the Hater's Club and direct apologies are not permitted.

[Tom]

Also, i don't want to.

[Reads with Scotch]

Your tenacity is looked upon highly.

[Monkey]

Dear Brain, I'm sorry.
I can hear you crying at night sometimes.
And I know when you are at brain club with all the other brains it must be super embarrassing.
I'm sure you tell them that we've never really watched the show.
I'm sure they all mumble something about how it happens to them to and not to worry about it.
but there you are and all the other brains are talking about Chekov and information theory and how much strain they're under and suddenly without warning, you start:

"I'm back,
Back in the New York grooove,
I'm back!"

I'm so sorry.