I hate that I know this recipe.

[Monkey]

From Friday morning to Monday Morning, I managed to gain six (6) pounds.
That's about 2 pounds a day.

I stood on the scale shrieking and the wife had to come pat my hand and say "there, there".

I'm sure all you emaciated book worms would like to know my secret.

OK, I'll tell you.

1. It helps to be American! (we have a natural advantage in the fat and unhealthy categories)
2. Also detesting exercise and the outdoors is good.
3. Enjoy buffalo wings, beer, hamburgers, bacon, etc...

Finally, know and make the devil's bastard recipe. Like gunpowder and adultery, the ingredients are simple and few.

Fudge of the Future

1 lb. powdered sugar (1 lb. = 3 1/2 c. sifted)
1/2 c. cocoa
1/4 c. milk (4 tbsp.)
1/4 c. butter
1 tsp. vanilla

Lightly grease an 8-inch square dish or line with wax paper. Set aside. Place powdered sugar and cocoa in a medium-sized, heat-resistant mixing bowl. Stir to mix. Add milk and butter to sugar and cocoa mix. DO NOT STIR.
Heat uncovered on HIGH for 2 minutes. After heating, stir just to combine ingredients. Add vanilla. Stir until blended. Pour into prepared dish; refrigerate for at least 1 hour. Cut and serve.

That's it. It's basically a pound of sugar, some butter and cocoa.

Don't like chocolate?
Good for you Fabio.

You wanna put some nuts in there? A lil' nuts in your choco? Jesus, that's disgusting. Get off the Internet you dirty freak.

Here's a guide to your eating experience.
*bite*
hmmm, that really is just sugar and chocolate. Why would someone...? Maybe I missed the vanilla?
*bite*
no, no...no vanilla, just melty chocolaty...
*bite*
this shit is unhealthy, I should stop
*bite*
goddam, what the fuck?!?
*bite*
*bite*
I should at least close the fridge door
*bite*
*bite*
What if some sees me?
*bite*
fuckers, they'll want some!
*bite*
*bite**bite*
*bite**bite*
*bite*

[Megan]

HAHA!

[Megan]

Don't be offended but you sound like a woman during that time of the month, again, no offense, I can relate! lol

[Monkey]

I think Rusty's viking homo-erotica has put me in an identity crisis.

[smetchie]

I don't like fudge.
I like viking homo-erotica.

[Megan]

Monkey wrote: "I think Rusty's viking homo-erotica has put me in an identity crisis."

That sounds like my type of book.

[Monkey]

You know, there's actually no sex in the books.
I mean there's sex, but there's no real descriptions of it.
Lots of violence and I was waiting for the sex, but really, he just passes right over it.

I don't like fudge.
good for you Kate Moss

[smetchie]

I like bacon, fucker! And buffalo wings and beer and hamburgers.

[Monkey]

P.S. It's not really fudge.
Real fudge is made by the Amish with clotted cream and twigs.
This is some sort of bastardy confection that bears a slight physical similarity to fudge

[Erika]

I wonder if I could use regular sugar instead of powdered sugar and maybe just a little cream of tartar?


Also I hate it that people keep telling me sugar is the devil and I really should use other natural substitutes.

[[deleted user]]

It will be less smooth/ more gritty with granulated instead of powdered.

Sugar is love, Erika. Does that help?

[smetchie]

This is my favorite thing someone has said this year:

Real fudge is made by the Amish with clotted cream and twigs.

[Erika]

I don't think I'll mind the gritty.
Thanks Montambeau that does help! And it will also help to eat a big gooey chocolatey mess of sugar and butter.
Mmmmmmm.
Take that, agave.

[smetchie]

agave can suck it.

[Monkey]

Cream of tartar?
I had to look it up.
I mean I've seen it and I know it's a "spice", I just didn't know what you used it for.
It also didn't sound like something you'd want to put in chocolate.

Now that I've looked it up, I still don't get it, what would the cream of tartar do?
change the regular sugar into powdered?
magically counteract all the horrible agave in your house?

[Erika]

I didn't know if it would maybe puff up the sugar to be more like the powdered?

I would good good with that last one though.