Challenge #3: Dialogue and tags

[Bets]

Can I write a challenge? I'm writing a challenge.

Tags are those things you stick on a piece of dialogue, outside the quotes that say something like: "Well, laugh then!" He exclaimed. Often, for effect an adverb is added: He exclaimed angrily.

Tags are used in genre a lot but tip from the MFA world: They don't mean anything. Adverbs are basically useless. What does 'angrily' sound like, or look like, or even taste touch or smell like? You don't know? Neither does your reader. And anger is going to look different on basically every person, so character, you meet.

The "He exclaimed" part? We still don't know what a sensory vision of exclaimed looks like. Basically the only thing of value in this whole excericize is "he." Why? Because if "she" and "that other guy" are talking, too, we need to know "he" is attached to that particular piece of dialogue.

Here's the thing: If you say "He" directly in front of or after a piece of dialogue, that still means he said it. You don't have to say he said it. So you are free to address all those other things I mentioned: What are the 5 senses--hell 6th too giving us about this guy?

"Well, laugh then!" He exclaimed angrily.

Could be: "Well, laugh then!" His fists balled so tight all blood fled them.

Or, it could be: "Well, laugh then!" He oozed anger like a skunk oozed stank.

Or: His lip curled as his own laughter shattered ours to shards that cut us as they fell.

See? Now we're having fun with that anger.

So here's the challenge:

a) Take a piece of dialogue and replace tags with sensory perceptions.

b) The only time you will not do this is if it is obvious who is talking without adding anything to the quote.

Pony up, guys.

[Bets]

You may also use emotion as a sense--if this is your POV. But mix it w/ what that character does, etc.

[[deleted user]]

Narcyz closed his eyes, frustrated, sighing melancholy. "I wish it was summer," he groaned.
vs.
Narcyz closed his eyes, angry and tired. Why wasn't it working? He sighed sadly, and mumbled something that sounded like, "I wish it was summer."

Is that good?

[Bets]

Nice Frege.

Whoops. Never thought of putting pressure on people. I didn't put an end date on the challenge b/c I think of them as things writers do if they feel it can improve their writing. Not a mandatory thing. So someone might not have the time or inclination to do this exercise now, but it might be germane in a few months.

What the group thinks is a good point. Anyone?