jonathan, i need your help! (Everyone's Captions), Not Visiting Belgium Showing 1,201-1,250 of 1,615

[~Geektastic~]

1338: Austerity measures had increased the need for efficiency in all realms of government. The Dual Axe (patent pending) was an early attempt to speed up the judicial process. So far so good, but the janitorial crew was not terribly pleased.

[Phil]

Had they known before their affair the power that Demi wielded in Hollywood, Ashton and Sarah might never have consummated their relationship. Today, we witness Demi's wrath.

[Jonathan]

So that's why AK abandoned his Twitter feed...

[Lobstergirl, el principe]

And Demi wasn't done yet.



Kelly Reemtsen

[Phil]

Marilyn swore that the next time someone said, "can I axe you something" she would axe them something, first!

[Lobstergirl, el principe]

Ha, yes.

[Jonathan]

Axe and you shall receive.



"A.F." monogram, mid 20th-century

[Sarah]

#1345 After beating that Bob's Big Boy kid and stealing his shirt, Paul attempted to go into hiding. It didn't go well.

[Phil]

I was trying to work in "Bob's Big Boy" too!

[Sarah]

Phil wrote: "I was trying to work in "Bob's Big Boy" too!"

TWSS.

[Jim]

Ouch Phil, ouch :-)

[Sarah]

Luckily Paul was taken in by a master of camouflage.

Bev Doolittle

[Phil]

Jim wrote: "Ouch Phil, ouch :-)"

Yeah, that's what he said.

[Jonathan]

#1353 Chief Mighty Birch Tree knew it might be a lost cause, but he was determined to find his white cable-knit scarf no matter how long it took. Why had he dropped it in the snow??? Maybe the little red fox would be willing to help search...

[Lobstergirl, el principe]

The little red fox helped Chief Tree find his scarf, though why they bothered who could say, as it was a $9.99 scarf from Costco. "My mother will be expecting me," said the fox. "Come home with me. She is lonely, and maybe you can be my new father."



Jana Ilkova

[Phil]

Exhausted, and entirely satisfied, Eleanor still wondered if it had been a mistake. The fox, however, knew only that it had been sublime.

[Sarah]

Eleanor sat down to write a song about it.


Simon Vouet

[janine]

After watching The Sound Of Music the twins begged for clothes made from curtains but Bridget thought she looked pretty good in the curtains herself.

[Jonathan]

Great image, great caption--but there's no such artist as Simon Couet. It's Simon Vouet (1590-1649). His "St. Cecilia" (c. 1626) is in the collection of the Blanton Museum, Univ. of Texas at Austin: http://blantonmuseum.org/gallery/deta...

[Sarah]

The C and V keys are very close to each other, you know.

[Jonathan]

Ha. Yes, they are. It's an understandable typo.

[Jonathan]

janine wrote: "...but Bridget thought she looked pretty good in the curtains herself."

Madge wondered if the same idea might work for her.



George H. Marks

[Sarah]

#1361 Mother knew that her son Norman was just going to love her to death for buying him such a darling little motel.

[Phil]

Sarah Pi wrote: "#1361 Mother knew that her son Norman was just going to love her to death for buying him such a darling little motel."

My mind went that way, too.

[Phil]

Madge had planned to wrap Howard's body in the shower curtain but, upon reflection, decided to use the plastic cover from the sofa instead.

[Lobstergirl, el principe]

When she went in the living room, Howard had already pulled it off. Maybe he had plans.



Kathryn Ensall

[Phil]

Howard was certain the ring Michael gave him must have slipped between the sofa cushions during "General Hospital." While he searched, Michael tried to stay angry, but kept getting distracted by his fiance's jeans-covered butt.

[Sarah]

"Just pop my right knee into place," said Maggie. "This happens all the time."
"You're kidding, right?" Nelson asked in disbelief, staring at her inverted leg.
"Nelson, don't be such a wuss. If I had to go to the hospital every time my knee dislocated, I'd be in the poorhouse."
He sighed. "This really seems more like something you'd ask a guy on the second or third date, not the first one."
Maggie propped herself up to look at him. "Maybe you should think twice about taking a girl to play lingerie football on her first date, then. Start pulling, buster."

[Jonathan]

Upon further consideration, she decided to call in a real doctor:



Jan Steen

[Lobstergirl, el principe]

While Grandpa parsed the phone bill in the back room and Donny fantasized about what he was going to do to the servants' hind quarters with his collection of knitting needles, Bertha brought Dr. Gilgesheim the migraine cure of rooster broth and Xanax. Whiskers stared perturbedly at the chair, whose perspective seemed a little off even from where he lay.

[Phil]

Prior to perfecting his art, young Cupid was the cause of many housecalls by Dr. Gilgesheim.

[Jonathan]

Another case for the doctor?



Andrew Sterrett Conklin

[Sarah]

#1371 Rodney tried to show some compassion for his languishing friend Felicia, but really he couldn't wait to get back out to Fire Island.

[Lobstergirl, el principe]

Ha....no kidding.

[Jonathan]

Fire Island had beautiful scenery, but the summer people were a mixed bag.



Kristoffer Zetterstrand

[Sarah]

#1374 Nathan despaired that they had installed the infinity pool facing the wrong direction.

[Jonathan]

...so they abandoned the pool and headed down to the beach.



Thomas Hart Benton

[Jonathan]

Yes, I was wondering what that tape was for.

[Sarah]

The Grand Inquisitor waited patiently in line for his turn with the bikini makers.


El Greco

[Jonathan]

Looks like a tough customer.

[janine]

Writing John a note on rectangular paper was like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

[Sarah]

Jonathan wrote: "Looks like a tough customer."

Except for the Harry Potter glasses. I can spot a fanboy anywhere.

[~Geektastic~]

1379

Lorenzo was still learning the ins and outs of matching foundation to skin tone.

[Phil]

As the note slipped forgotten to the floor, the cardinal sat quietly, pondering the "dear John" letter he had just received from god.

[Jonathan]

Ouch.

[Jonathan]

Sarah Pi wrote: "Except for the Harry Potter glasses. I can spot a fanboy anywhere."

He decided to freshen up his look with a new pair.



Jeptha Homer Wade

[Lobstergirl, el principe]

Pelham finished pumicing his skin, borrowed a clean shirt from Rick Perry, moussed his hair for the fifth time, plucked a stray eyebrow hair, and waited nervously for his Sunglass Hut interview.

[Phil]

The starched collar of his dickey chafed Pelham's neck as he scanned the room through his RayBans for the next victim of his charm.

[Jonathan]

...and then he saw her amid the crowd.



Leonardo da Vinci

[Lobstergirl, el principe]

Beulah was covered in tattoos, but there were only two she truly regretted: the onyx necklace, and the chin-strap made to look like hair.