Young Writers discussion
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Make fun of my old writing.
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Aug 30, 2011 02:07PM
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The squirrel story you accidentally posted in Rate The Hook? xD
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message 154:
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HAHA. I found it. So ... some context. This was a story about two squirrels who are boyfriend/girlfriend, and then the girl squirrel gets her tail bitten off by a dog and it's the boy squirrel's fault, so their parents forbid them to see each other. How tragic. Oh, and the girl squirrel's name is Katara, which has nothing to do with Avatar: The Last Airbender since I wrote it like two years before the show came out ... In fact, I was quite proud of myself for inventing the name. And then, THEY STOLE IT! HOW DARE THEY! ... Well, anyway, here's a part of it:
“Look!” I said, peering into the MacSheeland’s yard. Katara and Toben looked.
“What?” asked Toben.
“The dog isn’t there!” I said. “Here’s our chance to get some of those acorns!”
“I don’t know…..” said Katara uneasily.
“C’mon! There’s nothing to worry about!” I said, and taking her paw I dragged her out into the open. Toben followed eagerly.
Katara got over her fears, and soon we were all running about, collecting the finest acorns we could find. Suddenly Katara cried out. “Ooh! Look!”
I looked, and horror gripped my heart like an icy hand. The black dog was sitting on the MacSheeland’s porch. His eyes were pointed straight at us. He was drooling, and his hind legs looked ready to kick off and run. As we watched, he jumped down the stairs and came bounding toward us.
I turned around wildly. “Toben! Run home!” I shouted.
Toben obeyed without thinking twice. He turned around and ran faster than I had ever seen him run.
Suddenly the dog was there—nearly on top of Katara and me. We ran. I got ahead.
Then behind me I heard a horrible ripping sound, and then Katara screamed. “Haiku! Help!”
I turned around, and what I saw made me hold my breath. The dog had Katara’s beautiful, furry tail in his jaws. He had torn it off with his teeth. Katara screamed and stumbled toward me. Her back was covered with blood, and she was half-fainting with pain and fear.
I grabbed her paw, and half lead, half dragged her back into the bushes, and our acorns lay in a jumbled pile, forgotten and unwanted on the ground.
We rushed back into the forest. We ran to Katara’s tree, and scampered with difficulty up its trunk. When we tumbled into the hole, Katara’s mother fell back against the wall, gasping. “K—K—Katara!” she screamed.
Katara sobbed loudly with shame. I panted out the story to her mother, and her expression changed—from fear, to anger.
“Mother? Will—will I die?” Katara whimpered.
“I hope not.” Her mother grumbled, addressing it more to me than to Katara, and giving me a frown. Suddenly I had a horrible feeling.
“Haiku,” Katara’s mother said, raising her voice the slightest bit, “Go home.”
I suddenly felt as young, or even younger, than Toben. Katara’s eyes met mine. They were saying goodbye, for we both had a feeling that we would never see each other again.
... I think my favorite part is, "Will I die?" And her mom's just like, "I hope not." Hahahahaha. O_O
XDDid you name Katara after the chick off of Avatar?
Emily, did you even read the first paragraph? =P
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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Did you name Katara after the chick off of Avatar?"
You obviously did not read the first paragraph, as Mandy said.
I INVENTED THAT NAME, OKAY? AND THEY STOLE ITTTTT!
Oh I totally skipped that paragraph. XP
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I just read my death scene I just posted....I just like L-O-Led.
Emily [Hi, I'm Ted.] wrote: "Oh I totally skipped that paragraph. XP"*facepalm*
So, this is my first proper attempt at a novel, which I wrote when I was about eight. Because at this point in time and space I was totally obsessed with the My Story and Dear America series, this is the fictional diary of a girl called Eleanor and her comings and goings as a wealthy girl growing up in Cornwall in the 1880s.In these scene, Elenor and one of her friends have gone to London (O.o it's on the other side of the country) to find one of the maids, who's their age, ran away from the manor after two of the staff and someone's daughter had been murdered.
We asked to speak to Rissa privately, so we climbed onto a wall to talk. "Rissa," I said seriously, "Why did you run away?"
Rissa reached out to a passing cart, and tossed us each an apple. "No-one was letting me do me detective work alone" she said, and pulled lots of papers out of a bag. "Been workin' on it for ages."
For some minutes, she gazed at the papers, then looked up and said suddenly, "I think Julia killed 'erself!" Russia said, and bit satisfiedly into her apple.
"No," Doreen said, and pondered a bit. "Mr Gibbs." She murmured under her breath.
"What?" I said, and collapsed back onto Rissa.
"He hated Julia."
"How do you know?"
"He didn't give her a birthday present. He stole my pa's money. He knocked out Dollie's fifth tooth. So, this must have meant he decided to get rid of Julia and Dollie and my pa, but made it look like Margery had killed Julia by stabbing her with a cheeseknife! He decided to make the saddest girl in the world, which is me of course, even sadder!" Oh, I just want to kill him now!"
XD The end was awesome. "He didn't give her a birthday present. He stole my pa's money. He knocked out Dollie's fifth tooth. So, this must have meant he decided to get rid of Julia and Dollie and my pa, but made it look like Margery had killed Julia by stabbing her with a cheesknife! He decided to make the saddest girl in the world, which is me of course, even sadder!" Oh, I just want to kill him now!" "
Emily [Hi, I'm Ted.] wrote: "XD The end was awesome. "He didn't give her a birthday present. He stole my pa's money. He knocked out Dollie's fifth tooth. So, this must have meant he decided to get rid of Julia and Dollie and..."I know xD
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HAHAHAA. That part that Emily quoted ... It's the best thing ever. It made me chuckle.
Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "T e s n i wrote: "So, this is my first proper attempt at a novel, which I wrote when I was about eight. Because at this point in time and space I was totally obsessed with the My Story and Dear Am..."*bows*
Talia wrote: "My old writing? That's a riot. Truly, I laugh and cringe when I read it.This is from third grade, I shall not edit the grammar. It's also entirely fictional...my name is not Julia :P Please keep ..."
hahaha I loved it!
Uhm, I'd write mine but apparently I'm italian so you wouldn't get a thing of what I wrote in third grade.hahaha
my old writing was about this magical school where this new girl comes and she's freaked out. it might sound good but it's really stupid (what i wrote).
Heheh. When I was like, eight, I wrote comics about cats. I remember one was Tabby and one was Tabbie(there was a difference), and Tabby was in love with a purple cat. I forget the cat's name, but she had fallen into a can of paint and the color never came off. Then there was a squirrel.. And two bad dogs named Rancid and Keebotcho. I never even new rancid was a word back then..
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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I've never really done comic strips because I'm awful at writing funny things. To me, comics have to be funny and I tried to hard and it was just stupid.
Emily [Wishing for my Corellian smuggler to come] wrote: "I've never really done comic strips because I'm awful at writing funny things. To me, comics have to be funny and I tried to hard and it was just stupid."Sounds like me.
Hmm I can't find any of my stuff older than like three months old :S
HAHAHA I WROTE THIS STORY WHEN I WAS, LIKE, TEN OR SOMETHING! CHECK OUT CHAPTER 2:http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/4...
The part I find the most amusing is Brigid's comment at the bottom. Thanks for the honest opinion :P
This isn't really an old piece of writing. It was actually an e-mail I sent two years ago. I like NEVER clean out my inbox, and I still have stuff from over two years ago. I found this e-mail really funny. It is entitled "Worry PLEASE READ THIS":I cut up these pieces of paper, and I had them sitting around under my desk on my bed that was meant for a computer keyboard. Today, I opened it up, and there on the top one read NO and underneath it was an X, and I don't recongize the handwriting. I'm e-mailing this to my cousin [name removed] and my friends [names removed]. [Cousin], if you hear anything bad happen to me (like REALLY bad) e-mail to [removed] and [removed] and label the e-mail Emily. Don't call me stupid or anything, but things happen... and [one of the friends], I want you to spread word (if you want to) about me. I wrote back, "What's that mean?" to see what happens. It's scaring me because yesterday I thought I seriously heard footsteps. Not my house shifting, but footsteps. And everyone was asleep. Luckily, I was saved by my parents' alarm.
Thank you for reading.
I still have my fourth, fifth and sixth grade compositions on a girl name Geraldine.
OH MY GOODNESS IN ONE OF MY EMAILS I SAID LOL.WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/4...
The part I find the most amusing is Brigid's com..."
I assume you're being sarcastic? O_o
message 183:
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?"
I still say LOL. Sometimes I even say it out loud. In fact, I frequently say it out loud.
message 184:
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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The Gorilla
“The gorilla didn’t look happy today.” my dad said, sitting down at the table. “Something is bothering him.”
My dad worked at a zoo. He was very fond of the gorilla, and seemed very upset about this news he was sharing.
It was a summer evening. My sister Ami and I had had a great day. We had gone outside and had a watergun fight, and when a thunder storm began, we hid in our clubhouse. Our clubhouse is the unused shed in our backyard. In it we put a table, on which we piled books and toys, and other amusements.
On that day we gone in and sat on the floor, staring with wide eyes at the raindrops trailing enlessly down the window.
I shivered. It was cold in the shed, and I still had my bathing suit on. Then Ami said, “Ivy, tell me a story.”
I did. And then I told another and another. It made the time pass, and we forgot that we were cold and hungry, and before we knew it, it had stopped raining, and we went inside for lunch.
We didn’t talk much for the rest of dinner. My father was very upset; we could tell. He had really liked the gorilla ever since he began working at the zoo. Every day he had come home smiling, ready with a funny story about what the gorilla had done that day. But today there was no story. No laughter. No smile.
After dinner Ami and I went outside. The huge orange sun was setting, its last rays shining through the trees. Dampness from the storm still lingered in the warm air. Drops of water on the leaves shone like rubies, holding within them the reflection of the sun.
Ami caught a firefly in her hand, which glowed in her palm in a relaxed way, then lifted its small wings and lifted into the red sky.
“Our backyard is magic.” I whispered to Ami. “But we shouldn’t tell Mom and Dad until the right time comes.” Ami smiled. But that right time came sooner than we expected.
The next day my dad came back home with news that the gorilla was very sick. This seemed to put us all in a bad mood. That week Ami and I found ourselves fighting more than usual. My mother seemed to yell more than usuall. We were all worried about the gorilla, but none of us said so.
Then one day my father came home with news we were hoping wouldn’t come. The gorilla had died. We were all very upset.
After dinner we went outside to watch the sun set. We all knew that the gorilla was leaving the earth with the sun. I looked at Ami. She nodded.
“Daddy? Our backyard is magic.” I said quickly. My parents looked at each other and smiled, as if they already knew.
“You know,” my mother said quietly, “The gorilla isn’t gone. We’ll still remember him, and so will the earth.”
I smiled and looked up and the first stars coming out. It was nice to think that like dampness lingered in the air after a storm, love and memories lingered in the air where a gorilla had been.
Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Emily [Just singin' in the rain] wrote: "OH MY GOODNESS IN ONE OF MY EMAILS I SAID LOL.WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?"
I still say LOL. Sometimes I even say it out loud. In fact, I frequently say it ou..."
Same. My sister wins, though, as shown by something that happened a couple of months ago:
Sister, her friend and I: *painting fingernails*
friend: BRB. I’m just going to go and get some nail-polish remover.
My sister: OMG, you said BRB IRL! LOL.
Us: O___o
Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Oh wow, I totally forgot about this story. It's a story I wrote for school in fifth grade called "The Gorilla." I think we had to start with the sentence "The gorilla didn't look happy." Anyway. I ..."the last line...deep stuff. *nods*
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?"
I still say LOL. Sometimes I even say it o..."
HAHA. The irony.
I say BRB all the time, too. XD
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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Yes. Yes, I know.
Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Oh wow, I totally forgot about this story. It's a story I wrote for school in fifth grade called "The Gorilla." I think we had to start with the sentence "The gorilla didn't look happy." Anyway. I ..."You know some of the descriptions in there are pretty awesome for a fifth grader :)
Deep stuff, Brigid.
Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Emily [Just singin' in the rain] wrote: "OH MY GOODNESS IN ONE OF MY EMAILS I SAID LOL.WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?"
I still say LOL. Sometimes I even say it out loud. In fact, I frequently say it ou..."
Same. I say LOL all the time.
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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Haha yeah, I'll admit that. It's good for an 11-year-old.
I actually really like the last sentence. But, you know, there are a lot of telling-instead-of-showing moments and misspelled words and whatnot. Plus it's horribly corny. But, I see why my teacher liked it so much at the time. XD
message 192:
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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Literally. Here's an excerpt from the talking-cat novel I wrote when I was 12-13. Woohoo. I'm not sure whether the typos are my fault or whether the document is screwed up since I originally wrote it on AppleWorks which is the dumbest program ever. Probably a combination of both.
“Silverpaw?” I cried, “Isabelle?”
I waited for a few seconds. Just when I thought that I wouldn’t receive a reply, I heard Silverpaw’s answering call: “Destiny? Is that you?”
The two of them came running out from between the tees towards us, both of them shouting at once.
“There you are!”
“Where were you?”
“We were so worried!”
Silverpaw stood before me angrily. “Destiny, how could you do this? How could you just run off in the middle of the night like that? What were you thinking?”
“Silverpaw, I’m so sorry. We had to--”
“No!” he cried, “I don’t want to hear it. You’re just going to say that you were ‘exploring’. And I don’t think that it’s the truth! You two are doing something, looking for something.”
“You’re going to have to listen to us . . .” I raised my voice above his, trying to silence him, but he kept going.
“Ever since he came along, yo yu’ve been acting strangely. Going off with him, talking to him secretly, keeping secrets from Isabelle and me. That’s not like you!”
“Silverpaw--” Moonshadow cut in, “This is important . . .”
“You,” Silverpaw cried, “Should be quiet! This is all your doing. Destiny would never have done this sort of thing before. She never would have abandoned us or betrayed us. You made her do this. This is your fault! You’ve done things to her. It’s like she’s possessed!”
“Silverpaw!” I shouted, now furious with his behavior.
“It’s like you’re not you anymore!” Silverpaw went on, ignoring me, “And it’s all because of him!”
A hiss rose in my cousin’s throat, and he bared his small but sharp teeth at Moonshadow.
Then, before any of us knew what was happening, Silverpaw’s paw had shot out and slashed Moonshadow across the face.
The clearing became so deadly silent, it felt as if time ha =d stopped.
Then Silverpaw slowly and silently began to back away, as if he feared that Moonshadow would strike him back. But Moonshadow just stood there, eyes wide with shock, three lines of blood soaking through his white fur.
Silverpaw turned and ran off into the trees.
Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "OH BOY A CAT FIGHT.Literally. Here's an excerpt from the talking-cat novel I wrote when I was 12-13. Woohoo. I'm not sure whether the typos are my fault or whether the document is screwed up since..."
That is actually pretty good! Well, except the whole talking cat concept is kinda funny :P I like how creative you were with the names ;)
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Oh wow, I totally forgot about this story. It's a story I wrote for school in fifth grade called "The Gorilla." I think we had to start with the sentence "The gorilla didn't look happy." Anyway. I ..."I skipped the second paragraph by accident so I was totally lost. I was just like, "WHY THE HECK DID YOU TALK ABOUT THEIR BACK YARD AND WHAT DID IT HAVE TO DO WITH A GORILLA" but in a nicer way and yeah.
Emily [Just singin' in the rain] wrote: "Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Oh wow, I totally forgot about this story. It's a story I wrote for school in fifth grade called "The Gorilla." I think we had to start with the sentence "The go..."Yea, I don't really get how the magical backyard fits in :P
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I watched Disney Channel WAAAY too much.
“Cut!” yelled Lily. “Amy, your character Katrina is supposed to flip her hair and barely brush Cora’s face. Don’t shove it all at her.”
“Okay, okay,” said Amy the actress who played Katrina. “ I can’t believe I’m getting bossed around by an 11 year old director. This is so not fair,” she mumbled.
“Places!” yelled Lily. Everyone rushed to the places they were supposed to stand. “And action!” yelled Lily. This time scene went smoothly.
“Great job Amy! Jennifer, you were great as Cora. Just remember, you are a new girl who desperately wants to fit in. Get into Character,” said Lily.
“I’ll try, Lily, but I’m so used to playing snobs,” said Jennifer. “Oh, before I forget some girl is here.”
“Why?” asked Lily.
“To play the part of Gwen’s cousin, you know, the contest?” said Jennifer.
“Oh yeah,” remembered Lily. “That contest. I’ll go greet her.” As Lily wheeled to the door she saw a figure standing in the doorway. “Hi,” said Lily. “Are you excited to be on That’s Life?”
“Of course,” the girl said as she turned around. The face Lily saw made her gasp. It was Ashley.
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