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If someone is not attracted to a certain race... people smells... Penelope Cruz... Axe
No it doesn't mean you are racist. It's no different than only wanting to date a blonde, brunette, or a red head! Some people prefer really skinny people and some people like them heavier. some like black, white, Asian. it doesn't mean a person is racist it has to do with what appeals to them.My favorite color is red. Does that mean I'm racist against other colors? No it just appeals to me more than the others is all. (Yes I know color of a shirt is NOT the same as a person but you get my point. :O)
I tend to fall for tall Latino men named "Javier Bardem."
So if you refuse to sleep with a big fat smelly sloppy fat guy (or woman) does that mean you're racist against fat people?! NO! It means, they don't trip your trigger is all!
I've dated white girls, black girls, Hispanic girls. For me, it's about attraction. If I think you're an attractive woman, regardless of race, and you think we're compatible, then let's get it on.
*Cue wah-wah pedal.*
The black girl I dated did cause some grief in my family, but not in hers. She's half-black, actually - her mom's German, her dad Black. The point being, we were totally hot for each other, and our racial differences were never an issue. Now that I think about it, her family, on her father's side, were some of the nicest people I've ever met. Plus, her dad's a jazz musician, and he played with Dizzy and Nina Simone, so that made him uber-cool in my book.
We still talk, some 15 years later. I broke up with her. It was the first and last time I broke a woman's heart. But I apologized to her when we reconnected via FB last year, because I felt I owed it to her. She graciously accepted my apology. So we're good friends now.
And for the record, redheads make me swoon.
*Cue wah-wah pedal.*
The black girl I dated did cause some grief in my family, but not in hers. She's half-black, actually - her mom's German, her dad Black. The point being, we were totally hot for each other, and our racial differences were never an issue. Now that I think about it, her family, on her father's side, were some of the nicest people I've ever met. Plus, her dad's a jazz musician, and he played with Dizzy and Nina Simone, so that made him uber-cool in my book.
We still talk, some 15 years later. I broke up with her. It was the first and last time I broke a woman's heart. But I apologized to her when we reconnected via FB last year, because I felt I owed it to her. She graciously accepted my apology. So we're good friends now.
And for the record, redheads make me swoon.
Dutch wrote: "Heidi! Nice choice. :)"Back off. He's MINE!
Well...I tend to come down on the side that ruling somebody out because of race is racist.I have certain physical types that I'm automatically attracted to, but the men I've come to love have never necessarily fit those physical preferences at all. I'm not physically attracted by redheads or pale skin, for example, but if I met somebody like that and he was interesting, I'd be open to him, and if I came to love him, I'd love those features because they were his.
Yeah, I just think if you rule out a race or whole group of people, there just HAVE to be associations in your mind, like the one you gave, Britt, about older black men bringing to mind your father. Some of them are rational, like that one, but others of them are not going to be coming from a harmless place.
Heidi, I can help you win Javier, but you have to help me win his hottie wife.
Gus wrote: "Heidi, I can help you win Javier, but you have to help me win his hottie wife."DONE. You can have his preggo dachsund.
My main "type" is short, dark, mediterranean looking men, and I know that this is because when I was first "discovering" boys we'd just moved to New York and I was surrounded with all these Jewish and Italian boys, which you don't get a lot of in Kentucky. That became my ideal. But I also, to a lesser extent, have some other kinds of attractions, but I know those associations as well. There are always associations! So when this guy says to you, Britt, that he "doesn't date black girls," I have to wonder what associations he makes with black women, to have a rule, and not even be open about it.Anyway, another personal story: the current love of my life does fill my "type" to an extent (short, dark, big nose), but he's also 17 years older than I am and at first I wasn't attracted because of that. But upon opening myself up to him (physically and mentally)...ZOWEEE! I'm glad I did! Lesson learned!
Heidi wrote, You can have his preggo dachsund
Madam, HOW DARE YOU BESMIRCH THE GOOD NAME OF MS. PENELOPE CRUZ???
Madam, HOW DARE YOU BESMIRCH THE GOOD NAME OF MS. PENELOPE CRUZ???
Gus has a point. She's knee-weakening hot.I'll date any race. I'm not picky.
I read every "rejection speech" I've got from a guy as them just trying not to say, "You're ugly," so maybe he thought that sounded better? I dunno, but that thing that happens when you get to know someone, and initially you might not have been as attracted to them, but now that doesn't really matter anymore 'cause y'all really like each other and you've really hit it off...I like that thing. I have to count on that thing. Because the first man that was interested in me, I know if we saw each other on the street or something, he wouldn't have thought, "wow, I gotta have me a piece of that," and I wouldn't have thought, "Oh my god, you have the prettiest blue eyes I've ever seen!" But by the time we saw what each other looked like, it didn't matter to us.So I'm not saying that if someone doesn't have a preference for a race, they're racist. But I'm saying that if you can't even get to the point where preferences don't matter anymore with a member of a certain race, then you have an issue.
Sorry, Dutch. I suck at reciprocating compliments. It's a weird hang-up I have; if you tell me I'm handsome or good-looking, I get all hem-haw-ish and want to act like you didn't say anything. But that doesn't mean I really don't appreciate the compliment.
Really, thank you for the compliment. There. I said it. Now I'm going to walk around with a swollen head all day.
"Some woman online said I'm a hottie. Can you deal with that?!?"
Really, thank you for the compliment. There. I said it. Now I'm going to walk around with a swollen head all day.
"Some woman online said I'm a hottie. Can you deal with that?!?"
Yes, that's it. If you're not even open to it...that's a problem. That IS judging somebody by their race.And "that thing" is what's always worked for me. And maybe it's because I've never been what anybody would call a knock out, that I just don't even look for that. For whatever reason, I get turned on by people's minds, and then I want the body, and because that's what I put out, that's what I get back.
Although it concerns me that you think they think you're ugly. In my experience, women are FAR harder on their looks than men are. Everybody's got beauty.
But as I've been saying, it's the unwillingness to look beyond the type, the saying "no" because of one small aspect of a person, that's the problem. I am very short and because of that I prefer short men, but I'd have lost a lot in life if I descriminated.
I'm 6'4", so if a man's at least not 6 feet tall, keep walking. So I guess I'm a lil heightist. lol I frequently get asked out by very short men and I have a feeling that's only cause they are eye level to my boobs and want to dance. Keep walking.
I think saying "you're not my type" is an easy way to say there's no spark.
Gus wrote: "Heidi wrote, You can have his preggo dachsundMadam, HOW DARE YOU BESMIRCH THE GOOD NAME OF MS. PENELOPE CRUZ???"
Ohhh, lighten up. I'd make her feel like the most beautiful woman in the room if I thought it'd make turning Javier's head a bit easier. I wouldn't let my bias against the competition get in the way.
Bad teeth is a MAJOR turn-off for me.
Height has never been an issue - I'm 6'3", after all - but dating a shorter woman does wreak havoc on my rickety back after a while... ;-p
I felt the way Dutch feels about her ex with one ex of mine. She was way too obsessed with tanning, and did have a nice rack, but, Christ, what an evil bitch. After our not-so-pleasant breakup (which involved her calling my mother and informing her I'd knocked her up, which wasn't true - and that lead my mother to call her mother to tell her she was going to kill her daughter), I realized she was a lot more physically unattractive than I initially realized.
Height has never been an issue - I'm 6'3", after all - but dating a shorter woman does wreak havoc on my rickety back after a while... ;-p
I felt the way Dutch feels about her ex with one ex of mine. She was way too obsessed with tanning, and did have a nice rack, but, Christ, what an evil bitch. After our not-so-pleasant breakup (which involved her calling my mother and informing her I'd knocked her up, which wasn't true - and that lead my mother to call her mother to tell her she was going to kill her daughter), I realized she was a lot more physically unattractive than I initially realized.
You guys are proving my point about associations!But another thing...the original question was whether not being attracted to a certain race is racist. To say a certain race is not one's usual cuppa tea, I think we agree, is not necessarily racist (depending on the associations one has, I say), but now we've brought ugliness into the question. I agree, somebody who's ugly, to me, I'm not going to be attracted to...but this bends back around to the race issue...if we're making that comparison, if a particular race is ugly to somebody, what does that say?
As for being attracted to a certain sex, that's an essential difference - different body parts, different smells, different hairy places (hopefully!), different tastes. While race only has the meaning we put into it. There are no essential differences, it's only associations. And again, what I'm really talking about is preferences, which we all have, as opposed to making rules for ourselves about who we allow ourselves to be open to, which we don't have to do.
I think a white man saying that he doesn't date black girls is racist.Attraction is superficial. Once you get to know the person to whom you are attracted, you might find that he or she is lacking in the quality that keeps you interested. Conversely, you may not be attracted to an individual yet end up falling madly in love with him/her over time.
"I don't date black girls" is a rule not based on attraction or lack thereof. It's based on something else.
If someone was to say to me, "I don't date fat women", I would recognize that as descrimination. How many thin women become heavy (even to the point of obesity) as they get older. Yet their spouses don't generally dump them because of it. I say "generally" because there are some men who would dump a wife who has become fat, but that's not love. Love isn't based on colour, weight, height, or religion.
Race is not an issue for me. What I care about is: Is he smart?
Is he kind?
Is he tall? ;)
The ability to converse intelligently and having shared interests matters way more than skin tone. There are good looking guys all over the world.
What Oprah talked about sounds like social conditioning to me rather than biology - what we're told from babyhood (or just see around us, giving us that implication) is more normal, more comfortable, more attractive. Your scientist sounds like he's talking more from a biological view. Well, it can be extended to the question of basic self-preservation. From the Oprah side, sticking to those we know and understand and have good reason will not kill us is an instinct, but we also know that logically, we don't have to fear everybody else, chances are we're safe with them too. And we know the extension of this fear ends up being very destructive, and maybe the best thing we can do is expand our circle of acceptance, which seems to be the evolutionists suggestion.
Yeah, I never was particularly attracted to Tom Cruise, when I was 20 and all the girls were going nuts over him, because he looks like my brother. I should mention that he got the best version of the physical qualities we kids had in common. The boy was the pretty one in my family.
Dutch wrote: "So who is right? Oprah and her panel of experts? Or an evolutionist who has been studying this crap for years?"Does Oprah have a panel of experts? (rhetorical question)
Jackie "the Librarian" wrote: "The ability to converse intelligently and having shared interests matters way more than skin tone."Bravo, Jackie--couldn't agree more.
Janice wrote
Does Oprah have a panel of experts? (rhetorical question)
Yes. They're called "suck-ups."
Does Oprah have a panel of experts? (rhetorical question)
Yes. They're called "suck-ups."
I have an opinion on this subject but am too lazy to put my thoughts into words atm. Maybe later.The mention of Gus' hotness had me clicking on his pic and I was surprised to find out that he isn't drinking out of a to-go cup. That was his arm the whole time...hah. He is hot though, with or without the cup.
Simple answer, no it's not racist, you like what you like. And yes, Gus is a major hottie...so is Kevin, especially in a kilt.
I like that answer Alecia.It is true that everyone has things they are/aren't attracted to. I can't stand overly hairy chests and deep cleft chins on males, and know someone who LOVES both of those things. *shudder*
I think I've dated guys from just about every skin tone and body type.
No you don't talk like a valley girl, Dutch...but the title did make me smile. I'm not the one who changed it though.
Mod
The ability to converse intelligently and having shared interests matters way more than skin tone. There are good looking guys all over the world. Fuck that. I only talk to hot chicks.
Is there anyone besides me who looks at a guy's nose to determine his level of hotness? And eyebrows?
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I'll bet you guys are squirming right now with all these compliments from the ladies (if you're reading this thread).
That makes me seriously giggle.
My fave memory of Gus - watching him on Dad duty, daughter in a high chair set up near the jukebox, in a diner full of people and trying intensely to maintain his calm while she's grabbing anything within arm's reach off the table and throwing it on the floor. Sweet little pumpkin was FAST. His family dynamic just warms my heart - sweetest wifey ever (who def. wears the pants in that family), queen Sophia, & Gus, the doting father and husband. Also worth noting: Gus and our friend Susie have THE coolest t-shirt collections ever.
Jackie "the Librarian" wrote: "Race is not an issue for me. What I care about is: Is he smart?
Is he kind?
Is he tall? ;)
The ability to converse intelligently and having shared interests matters way more than skin tone. ..."
I agree those are among the most important things, but I can also understand why someone might have race on their list, and if they did I wouldn't think they were racist. If someone doesn't want to date me because I'm Jewish I don't hold it to anti-Semitism, but that there are issues that not everyone is ready/willing to deal with.
BunWat wrote: "Slightly off topic but; I actually don't much like the word racist I don't mean I don't like racism because obviously who does? I mean that race seems to me to be a fuzzy concept that doesn't make..."I feel the same way about that word, Bun. Calling someone a "liar" or a "whore" sets me off, too. Probably because they seem to be extremely provocative accusations/insults.
Mod
It seems like it!
Mod
Having said that, though, I roll my eyes at people whose physical "type" is so narrowly expressed - white men who can only date Asian women, men who will only date large-breasted women, people who will only date blonds, men in bathrobes who only feel comfortable dating peroxide blonds 60 years younger than they are.
If you limit yourself to such a narrow group, you're going to be missing out on a lot of wonderful options.
I think both Oprah and the other guy are spouting mumbo jumbo. Some people are attracted to the physical type they grew up with, if they grew up in a homogeneous community. Other people are attracted to their opposite, which seems exotic to them. You can't make generalizations based on whole populations. People mate based on opportunity. What potential mates are around them?
Jackie "the Librarian" wrote: "Race is not an issue for me. What I care about is: Is he smart?
Is he kind?
Is he tall? ;)
The ability to converse intelligently and having shared interests matters way more than skin tone. ..."
100% what Jackie said. When my daughter turned 16, someone at work asked me if I would "let" her date a black guy. I said I don't care who she dates as long as he treats her respectfully and is not a total loser, plus all that stuff Jackie said. I would rather see my daughter date a nice guy of another race, than some loser white trash. (and the same for me!)
I had a boyfriend in college that smelled like something... I could never put my finger on it. He'd said that people either loved it or hated it. It wasn't awesome for me, but other women were absolutely drawn to him.This is also the boyfriend who drugged me the last night I ever saw him, so maybe he was just shitbag whose shit-smell I should have paid attention to?
Yeah, it is kind of overbearing...
Axe smells really good (in moderation) on some men, not so good on others. My husband smells really good when he wears the chocolate one.
They only good thing about them is that they do last long. I think.
My ex-roommate wears Axe. I could always tell when the girlfriends was coming over because all of a sudden, that stank would make breathing unbearable. I considered it to be my cue to retire to my room and shut the door. I'm sooo glad I don't have to put up with that now.On a somewhat related to the thread topic and Jackie's post, I had a huuuuge crush on Derek Fisher (pointguard, LA Lakers) in college. Sure, he was good looking (SERIOUSLY good looking), and still... he sat next to me in several classes and every time he'd ask if we could compare notes or talk with me, I'd go mute or stuttery. He had THE most beautiful handwriting and he was a super smart guy, and a good student. He'd come to class having read the assignments and prepared for discussions. We had several classes together because we both chose the same major and were on track to graduate around the same time. He was drafted during our senior year, and I was sooo crushed when he stopped coming to classes. I could still have a crush on him if he didn't live so far away and wasn't married with kids and a great father.
Heidi wrote, I'll bet you guys are squirming right now with all these compliments from the ladies (if you're reading this thread).
Squirming, not quite. I did see the re-title of this thread, and I had to do a triple-take.
Mind you, I am totally digging the "Gus is hot" theme, but it'll probably go to my head. So, yeah, keep it up.
Squirming, not quite. I did see the re-title of this thread, and I had to do a triple-take.
Mind you, I am totally digging the "Gus is hot" theme, but it'll probably go to my head. So, yeah, keep it up.
I've had a lot of guys that when I told them I was into them, they said, "Oh, sorry, I don't date black girls." And immediately it's like, "Um excuse me?" I see a LOT of interracial couples, so I don't see this problem as much anymore. But there are some things with RUDE ass black guys that will be like, "Oh, I only like light-skinned girls" or something. And I mean, I do find myself liking white guys more than any other race because I'm surrounded by them! They're who I hang out with!
But with my old men thing, I don't like black older men 'cause that's just too much like my own father, and we are NOT going down that path. Okay, I'm gonna miss the bus, so I gotta go. Discuss!