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Can I say something? >> We all got problems, man >>what the hell is Justin's deal anyway?
I'm...okay. I mean, nothing's....wrong per se. But you know how like, everything is moving around you, but you're moving in slow motion, like, stuck somewhere else? I've had a lot of "Britt....Britt...Brittany! helloooooooooooo did you hear me?" moments in the past couple of days.
I LOOOOVE taking long internet breaks and returning slooowly to ease myself back into it. :)Hiya Britt. How goes it?
Sorry about Stevie, Dutch.This group really is a good place to go. I think of it like Cheers, when Norm walks in and everybody yells, "Norm!"
Stephanie, it's definitely because of that, but I'm trying to move on and/or forget about it. It was fun. But it's weird because it's not like a "it was fun" in the sense of I had a really fun day with my friends, you know? Like, for 6 hours I didn't feel inadequate or ugly. So I guess I just want that feeling back.
Sorry about your cat Dutch.Glad you found your way back Britt.
Also:I feel like I need someone to beat into my brain that I can't go looking for validation in sex. Like, I think I need to tape that to my mirror or something.
Mod
I feel like I need someone to beat into my brain that I can't go looking for validation in sex. Like, I think I need to tape that to my mirror or something."
CLARK! CLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!
Mod
Britt wrote, I've been walking around in a sort of...haze for the past couple of days.
God, I miss Ecstasy...
Britt, the best I can tell you is to put on your big girl pants and tell the whole world to shut up if they're telling you things you don't want to hear and that aren't true. The world doesn't need another woman with self-esteem issues; please don't add yourself to that unfortunate list.
You're smarter and better than that, Britt. It's not a crime to be happy, is it?
God, I miss Ecstasy...
Britt, the best I can tell you is to put on your big girl pants and tell the whole world to shut up if they're telling you things you don't want to hear and that aren't true. The world doesn't need another woman with self-esteem issues; please don't add yourself to that unfortunate list.
You're smarter and better than that, Britt. It's not a crime to be happy, is it?
I agree completely with what Bun said, and I like the advice about doing nice things for yourself. You are the most important person to YOU, you should take care of yourself.On the other hand, another good way to get out of a funk is to do things that distract you from thinking so much about yourself. Britt, I know I've found myself getting fed up with thinking about ME all the time, hee! Take a break and do something that engrosses you and gives your mind something else to think about - make cookies, talk to a friend about THEIR problems, watch a scary movie, do something nice for someone. That kind of thing.
:::hugs:::
I say I know, because I do know. I know I'm not supposed to hate myself. What I don't know is how to not hate myself. I don't say love myself because love myself because that concept for me is...it feels completely abstract. Like a unicorn. I've tried everything. I've tried not caring about what anyone else thinks, I've tried doing something special just for me; I've tried caring about my appearance; I've tried not actively "looking" for a partner but I want something that "works." I know, it doesn't work like that; there's no on/off switch.There's no one telling me, Brittany, not girls like me, but me that I'm worthless. No one other than myself. But no matter what I do, I just can't feel anything other than than this. I've tried! I have! I'm not searching for pity; I'm not one of those people, I'm not, I'm not. If I say something negative about myself, I'm not trying to solicit attention. It's just like...for me, it's like I'm stating facts. When I say, "I'm worthless," it's like I'm telling you what time it is. And I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. I know this isn't...how life is supposed to go, but it's how it's going for me right now.
So...sorry if it feels I haven't been listening to you all. I have! I am! Sorry. I have to go now.
Everyone, let's get Britt's cell phone #, and we'll text her daily affirmations. Or, at the very least, a "quit yer bitchin' and start kicking ass!" message to start her day right.
Misha, hey... I'm a big girl, too. I don't get in these funks you mention, though. In fact, I DO respond to people who challenge me and don't coddle me. I'm not suggesting that should be the approach necessarily for everyone, either. It works for me, though.I walk out the door ready to conquer the world, sizists be damned. I'm short. I'm overweight. I feel beautiful in my skin. I smile a lot. I'm friendly to other people. I don't even THINK about my size as I go through my day. I'm thinking to myself "I'm kicking ass and taking names! YEAH! ... I just got that done, too! ... I'm proud of me! ... I'm smart! ... I'm resourceful!" I guess I temper my mood/barometer according to the productiveness of my day and not the positive reinforcement that people give me here and there. That's so subjective and I've learned I can't depend on that to get me through the day.
Just... I think it's an individualistic thing, not a size thing.
You know when I was 11, I was a little chubby and top of my class, and I wore braces. And glasses. THEN we had to move so I changed school.Three of the boys in my class actually convinced me that I'd NEVER EVER find a boyfriend, and I was so upset.
Luckily I told my mother, who made sure I stopped believing it (it took her a while!), BUT I probably did overcompensate a little on the boyfriend part in my late teens, just to make it absolutely clear that the boys were wrong.
Britt, I don't know you that well yet, but I'll offer up a few ideas - just ignore them if they are not for you :-)
Se a therapist, spend time with people that are good for you, joining some kind of charity work might be good and maybe read
(I'm NOT into self help books, but this has some great excercises for improving your self esteem).
And make a rule for yourself, you have to date a guy for x months before you sleep with him.
That way you might avoid the types who make you feel bad...
Mod
Eckhart Tolle's book was dreamy, it was. :)
Dutch wrote: "Heidi wrote: "Misha, hey... I'm a big girl, too. I don't get in these funks you mention, though. In fact, I DO respond to people who challenge me and don't coddle me. I'm not suggesting that sho..."I don't have that support system in my family or most of my friends. It's me. I got it in me. I constantly have people saying discouraging things to me and I tune 'em out and listen to my internal voice.
Okay a) there's a difference between being 30lbs. overweight and 100+ pounds overweight.b) My family are very encouraging because we're all fat. I am not the largest girl in my mom's or dad's side of the family. And the women in my family are all gorgeous, and they dress nice, and get their hair and nails done, and they hold their heads up, and they feel flawless. And I think, "I wish I could do that." I know, I can do that, but I don't see the point. It's not going to "work." I know, it doesn't have to work, but I want it to.
I don't know why I feel this way about myself, but I want to find out. I want to find out, so I can fix it and stop feeling this way. I don't blame it on the kids that teased me and called me ugly when I was younger. All I know is that I got to the age when girls and boys start having romantic feelings for each other. Girls liked boys. Boys liked girls. I liked boys. Boys didn't like me. So I looked at myself. I looked at the other girls, and I noticed a difference. Difference is that they were pretty, and I was not.
And everyone faces rejection. So that's not it. I guess it's my reaction to that rejection, and the fact that I think in extremes. If something is not this way, then it has to be that way. And it's not only that way in my little case, but it's that way in all cases. So if one boy doesn't want me, that means all boys don't want me. Boys are really the first people to say no to me. My parents always gave me what I wanted and spoiled me rotten. If I didn't get what I wanted at first, then I whined and cried and whined some more, and eventually they gave me what I wanted. But I didn't want much. Just food mostly.
I can't whine and get a boy. So it's more like...a frustration that led to internalization, I guess? I dunno, whatever.
No, I haven't been back to therapy because I didn't think that session was helpful, and I started feeling a little better, so I said whatever. I am sure that Linda is very good at what she does, but she just wasn't working for me, and I want to see a psychiatrist, not an LCSW. That session with her was just...I didn't go in there expecting to be "fixed," but I wanted something more than just "uh huh...uh huh...bummer...and what about your family?" I wanted some feedback. And I didn't get any. And I didn't like it when she asked me to choose only one problem to talk about over the course of all the 8 sessions I am allowed. 'cause it's like, "why can't we talk about all of them?" Because we don't have time. So I dunno what I'm gonna do about therapy 'cause I can't tell my parents I want to see a psychiatrist.
iBritt wrote: "Okay a) there's a difference between being 30lbs. overweight and 100+ pounds overweight.b) My family are very encouraging because we're all fat. I am not the largest girl in my mom's or dad's sid..."
I'm 100+ lbs overweight.
My family is NOT very encouraging because they're all metabolically blessed, and yet somehow I'm healthier than most of them.
Britt, self esteem SHOULD come from what you do, what you can do, from your potential that YOU see for yourself, and soooo much more that's expansive from this superficial judgment on appearance and how you sound and how you dress and how you present yourself. I find it interesting that you are so very openminded about the world around you and you seem to have blinders on when it comes to assessing yourself.
I can't make assumptions on the part of Bun or Gus or Jackie or anyone else in this group, but I CAN tell you that we CLEARLY think you're special for more than your appearance because we've gotten to know that more expansive view of Britt that others don't typically see and I'm pretty sure I can say that collectively we accept you AS YOU ARE. It's not conditional - it's not contingent upon when you lose 100+ lbs or lose your virginity or finish college or whatever... it's about who you are right now... in this moment... the whole bit.
You don't do your nails like everyone else in your family? So what... that makes you different, but as a matter of perspective it can either tear you down or build you up because you ARE different. And hey, in my book, different is good. It's the best of the best.
It shouldn't really matter how much you weight. Being healthy is more important.
And how are your eating habits, Justin?
Yeah, I'm not gonna turn this into a thing of who "gets" to feel worse about themselves, but I will say that my life would be radically different if I weighed 150 instead of 300.And my point about the women in my family is that they do those things because they feel there is something about them worth...maintaining, I guess? I don't feel that there's...anything about me like that.
I've been thinking about this issue, and how we all struggle, every one of us, with feelings of being worthless. And then I had a Buffy moment, and I mean this sincerely, I really find Buffy applicable and meaningful. (From Earshot)
Jonathan: Stop saying my name like we're friends! We're not friends! You all think I'm an idiot! A short idiot!
Buffy: I don't. I don't think about you much at all. Nobody here really does. Bugs you, doesn't it. You have all this pain, and all these feelings and nobody's really paying attention.
Jonathna: You think I just want attention?
Buffy: No. I think you're up in the clock tower with a high-powered rifle because you wanna blend in. Believe it or not, Jonathan, I understand about the pain.
Jonathan: Oh right. Cuz the burden of being beautiful and athletic, that's a crippler.
Buffy: You know what? I was wrong. You are an idiot. My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle. And it's not just mine. Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they're too busy with their own. The beautiful ones. The popular ones. The guys that pick on you. Everyone. If you could hear what they were feeling. The loneliness. The confusion. It looks quiet down there. It's not. It's deafening.
**********************************
We are lucky, those of us who are in this group. We aren't alone. We have people who are listening to us, to our pain, and who care. Let's focus on that. I care about all of you.
Louise wrote: "And make a rule for yourself, you have to date a guy for x months before you sleep with him. That way you might avoid the types who make you feel bad..."
Umm...yeah...about that. Now that I know how I feel when someone...shows me special attention, I'm afraid that I'm just gonna jump into bed with the next man who winks at me.
Jackie "the Librarian" wrote: "I've been thinking about this issue, and how we all struggle, every one of us, with feelings of being worthless. And then I had a Buffy moment, and I mean this sincerely, I really find Buffy applic..."
You almost tempt me to watch Buffy Jackie. I care about you all too. One good thing about GR is we get to know people without worrying about weight, colour, sexual orientation, race or religion. All those things don't matter. It's all about what we are inside our heads and sharing that. I know some of us (like me) have less inside our heads than others, even that dosen't really matter.
You almost tempt me to watch Buffy Jackie. I care about you all too. One good thing about GR is we get to know people without worrying about weight, colour, sexual orientation, race or religion. All those things don't matter. It's all about what we are inside our heads and sharing that. I know some of us (like me) have less inside our heads than others, even that dosen't really matter.
iBritt wrote: "Umm...yeah...about that. Now that I know how I feel when someone...shows me special attention, I'm afraid that I'm just gonna jump into bed with the next man who winks at me...."
I am not suggesting you do it Britt, but the world would not cave in if you did.
I am not suggesting you do it Britt, but the world would not cave in if you did.
For some reason Justin gets on my nerves. I mean, why does he come around here when all he wants to do is get all over his sister. can't he do that somewhere else?
Thank you Larry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought the same thing Larry. It really is quite annoying.
You can always do something about it.
Britt. Someone taught you to hate yourself. You certainly didn't come into this world like that. When did it happen, and who did it to you, who is that critical voice in your head?For me it was my mother. On and on and on.
That's not YOUR voice. Tell whoever it is to shut up. It once served you well, but you're past that, you don't need it anymore.
Does that make sense?
Is there a Bunwat fan club I can join?
Sally wrote: "iBritt wrote: "Also:
I feel like I need someone to beat into my brain that I can't go looking for validation in sex. Like, I think I need to tape that to my mirror or something."
CLARK! CLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!"
Pass. Coddling ain't my thing.
I feel like I need someone to beat into my brain that I can't go looking for validation in sex. Like, I think I need to tape that to my mirror or something."
CLARK! CLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!"
Pass. Coddling ain't my thing.
Mod
I don't want to coddle with you either Clark!
Better. April is a busy busy month.
Sally wrote: "I don't want you to coddle. I want frankness."
I gave up offering blunt sexual advice to 19-year-olds for Lent. Besides, Britt's better off listening to those women around here with a shred of common sense (Misha, BunWat, Lori, Dutch) rather than me. Besides, I'm not even sure I have it all figured out yet.
I'm better off sticking to drinking, fishing, music, and B-movies, something I like to call "my wheelhouse."
I gave up offering blunt sexual advice to 19-year-olds for Lent. Besides, Britt's better off listening to those women around here with a shred of common sense (Misha, BunWat, Lori, Dutch) rather than me. Besides, I'm not even sure I have it all figured out yet.
I'm better off sticking to drinking, fishing, music, and B-movies, something I like to call "my wheelhouse."
Barb wrote: "WTF Clark? I don't have a shred of common sense?
Dude, that cuts deep."
How could I forget the Yoda of Ontario? All apologies...
Dude, that cuts deep."
How could I forget the Yoda of Ontario? All apologies...
I missed y'all. :(