Terminalcoffee discussion
General Fuckery
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I Wish I Would Have Said That (Best one liners after the fact)Clark and Cheri Flamingo dance!
You know who the sassiest forums posters are? Middle aged ex-gamer males. Good lord, I knew one who had a comeback for everything. He was like a meaner version of Clark. I was always happy to have stayed on his good side or I might have been scared into crying and peeing my pants.
I think we had this kind of thread before, one started by Britt, if I'm not mistaken. I too was floored by the lack of comeback-edness taking place around here.
One comeback I heard a woman use on a boorish man was, "Sir, my vagina right now is like a fax machine without paper." Took me a while to figure it out, but, damn, that comeback was funny.
Gus wrote: "I think we had this kind of thread before, one started by Britt, if I'm not mistaken. I too was floored by the lack of comeback-edness taking place around here."Yes, staircase wit! I'm not sure I understand the fax machine reference, either.
A coworker mooned my mom and everyone anxiously waited for her reaction. She said and did nothing so someone finally asked her what she thought of it. She said "I hardly noticed, some people look the same coming or going."
My favorite one: "I'll forgive you for being an asshole if you'll forgive me for calling you one."The one that made the strongest impression on me @ 13 years of age - the following took place after some lady walked on the middle of our lawn blanket at an outdoor family concert in Houston, TX:
Mom: Excuse you.
Lady: Kiss my ass.
Mom: Well mark the spot, honey, cuz you're an ass all over.
HOOOOMG. My mother doesn't even ever say the word "shit." She says "shoot!" I couldn't believe she said that. My jaw must've fallen on the ground. I'm pretty sure that's when I decided my mom's an official bad ass.
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Lobstergirl wrote: "Ha! Your mom must've had that one waiting in the wings, somehow. Holding it back for the right moment. Nobody can come up with a zinger that fast!"I've witnessed her doing it several times since then. She's crazy witty... I seriously think it's Cajun thing. Another one she said once to her boss who gave her a long list of priority items to do and had just handed her another assignment when Mom said, "If you shove a broomstick handle up my ass, I could sweep the floor for you, too." - boss was pretty cool... she laughed when Mom said that one to her and then turned around and sat down with her to go over the list to help her prioritize.
Heidi wrote: "Lobstergirl wrote: "Ha! Your mom must've had that one waiting in the wings, somehow. Holding it back for the right moment. Nobody can come up with a zinger that fast!"I've witnessed her doin..."
And to further my theory on her wit being a Cajun thing... Edwin edwards, former governor of Louisiana - he was full of 'em.
I have to confess, I am still trying to figure out the fax machine one. lolIt's hard for me NOT to throw out a comeback, but I just cannot remember any at the moment. I guess they're not good after all. I do have a fallback one though.
Me: Well, good luck with your surgery.
Them: confused luck/ What?/Wtf are you talking about?! etc
Me: The one to remove your head from your ass. Have a good day.
Regarding the fax machine comment, I think what the woman was trying to say was the guy's sexist comment left her dry, as in "my vagina right now is very dry."
Okay, fuck it, I thought the comeback was hilarious. You had to be there.
Okay, fuck it, I thought the comeback was hilarious. You had to be there.
I was walking home with my auntie one night after babysitting, and a guy jumped out of a field and flashed us... I was, at 12 or 13 dumbstruck, but my auntie nudged me, pointed at his business and started laughing hysterically. He ran away. Awesome.I was so proud of my Auntie that day :)
I’m terrible with come backs. They’re usually just full of surprising curse words- things you wouldn’t expect a lady to say. It’s a sport for me.
Stacia learned how to read last week wrote: "You know who the sassiest forums posters are? Middle aged ex-gamer males. Good lord, I knew one who had a comeback for everything. He was like a meaner version of Clark. I was always happy to h..."
I have a comeback for just about everything. Some of them actually make sense.
When you hang around with the same group of friends since junior high school, you get a lot of practice in unbridled, unfiltered, unfettered ball-busting. In my eyes, there's no other kind.
I have a comeback for just about everything. Some of them actually make sense.
When you hang around with the same group of friends since junior high school, you get a lot of practice in unbridled, unfiltered, unfettered ball-busting. In my eyes, there's no other kind.
Clark wrote, When you hang around with the same group of friends since junior high school, you get a lot of practice in unbridled, unfiltered, unfettered ball-busting. In my eyes, there's no other kind.
Amen to that.
Amen to that.
What I didn't say when a former friend used his webcam to flash me: "That looks like a penis, only smaller."
i have comebacks. sometimes. but i don't memorize them.
Dutch wrote: "Jammies wrote: "What I didn't say when a former friend used his webcam to flash me: "That looks like a penis, only smaller.""LOL!! "Former" friend!"
Yes, well, that incident is why he's a former friend. *eye roll*
Just remembered another snappy comeback, this one from me.
Back when I used to smoke, I was enjoying an afternoon cig outside my office. Some cranky old bat was talking under her breath about something, directed at me. I asked her if she was talking to me (not in a Travis Bickle voice, BTW), and she said "you need to quit smokin' them cigarettes!"
I replied, "and you need to stop drinking crazy juice!" in the LOUDEST VOICE IMAGINABLE.
That woman suddenly ran. And I finished my smoke.
Back when I used to smoke, I was enjoying an afternoon cig outside my office. Some cranky old bat was talking under her breath about something, directed at me. I asked her if she was talking to me (not in a Travis Bickle voice, BTW), and she said "you need to quit smokin' them cigarettes!"
I replied, "and you need to stop drinking crazy juice!" in the LOUDEST VOICE IMAGINABLE.
That woman suddenly ran. And I finished my smoke.
I need to share one I was very proud of this weekend.I was walking out of a bar near the art school on Saturday night, and passed a group of young men, one of whom had a giant set of silver antlers on his head. Twenty point buck, though probably not actually buck.
In any case, I was very pleased to be able to shout "Nice rack!" at him as I passed. His friends all cracked up.
Gus wrote: "Regarding the fax machine comment, I think what the woman was trying to say was the guy's sexist comment left her dry, as in "my vagina right now is very dry."Okay, fuck it, I thought the comebac..."
Let me try this one. "Sir, my vagina right now is like a fax machine without paper. Nothing is coming in or out."
I was just offering the proper ending to the one that was confusing several people.
Hi - I'm Lori. I'm new here - and liking it! Found this thread and wanted to share something my husband said years ago that makes me chuckle.
I had sent the poor man to the drugstore for. . . ummmm. . . feminine supplies, shall we say. He was understandably not happy about it, but I had the flu and so did both kids so he squared his shoulders and did what needed to be done.
On the way out of the store, he ran into the husband of a friend of mine.
Seeing the tampons in Ken's hand, Bill said, "You use those every month?"
"Yep," Ken replied without missing a beat. "I put one in each ear so I don't have to listen to her complain!"
I didn't think it was funny when he first recounted the story to me, but after 30 years of marriage, I think it's hilarious. It's the sort of comment most husbands can relate to, even if they can't admit it!
Dutch wrote: "Oh come on. This group is full of some of the sassiest people I've ever seen on discussion boards. All you guys can come up with is "fuck you"? This is miserable!"Right.
Lori wrote: "Hi - I'm Lori. I'm new here - and liking it! Found this thread and wanted to share something my husband said years ago that makes me chuckle.
I had sent the poor man to the drugstore for. . . ..."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Too fucking funny. I think I would have cracked up even at the time he said it.
My girlfriend was a bartender at the only bar in a tiny fishing village. Those guys would go out fishing for weeks, come in (w/o a shower) and try to pick her up. One night this fisherman says to her, "You know, I'd like a little pussy." Colleen says, "Me too. Mine is big as a box car." They all left her alone after that.
I was having a fight with a former boyfriend - just reminding him what a horrible human being he was. He said, "Why do you say things that make me unhappy?" I said,"I don't want to be the only one unhappy in this relationship."
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Lobstergirl wrote: "Have Cheri and Clark gotten to know each other yet?"
Would you like to introduce us? I'm sort of shy, quiet and unassuming.
Would you like to introduce us? I'm sort of shy, quiet and unassuming.
Mod
Hmmm. This would be more adding insult to injury than having a snappy comeback. I had been flirting back and forth with a guy from work for some time. We finally got together in a cabin by the lake, enjoying cool breezes and cold drinks. To put it the nicest way possible, he was a bit (read lot) on the puny side. But, I thought, "What the hell. He may be all kinds of talented." He turned to take care of that pesky prep business but when he turned back around the condom slid excruciatingly sloooooowly down and off. Without looking up, he said, "I'm so embarrassed." To which, in my uninhibited, tipsy state, I very seriously replied, "Dude!! I gotta admit. I'm embarrassed for you." I immediately and silently got myself put back together and got the hell outta there.
That reminds me of the night I finally got tired of my ex's bullshit and after yet another couple of weeks without hearing from him, was packing up the house and leaving. I don't remember how many friends and family members were there helping, but there were plenty. Somehow, he heard I was leaving and showed up in the middle of the move. Of course, we immediately started arguing and and one point he shouted the ever popular, "Fuck you, bitch!" To which I just as wittily retorted, "You wouldn't like it, I'd just lay there." You all know the next line....."That's not what you said last night." "Ooooooooh, last night? Or are you talking about every other night. Let me fake another one for ya, babe" At which point, I sat down on the couch, crossed my legs, threw an arm over the back of the couch and commenced to fake the most awesome, loud, breathless orgasm he'd ever heard........with a houseful of people standing around whooping and clapping, screaming, "Encore!!" I fanned myself dramatically and said, "Damn, it's even better without you." He stormed out, red faced, yelling, "Fuck all y'all motherfuckers!!" to the chorus of unroarious laughter. I can be a hateful bitch when I want to be.
Stanley: Do you mind if i smoke?Ollie's blackmailer: i don't care if you burn up!
i used to smoke, but i never was a militant either way. i quit because i kept getting pneumonia. i liked this quote because: 1. i'd have loved to say it, 2. it's got a snap to it that i've always enjoyed in jokes.
Sarah Pi wrote: "I need to share one I was very proud of this weekend.I was walking out of a bar near the art school on Saturday night, and passed a group of young men, one of whom had a giant set of silver antle..."
omg. i hope i remember this line and can use it too.
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I love my iPod Touch, but I get lazy typing. My Touch is my main access cuz I'm too lazy to get off the couch. (don't worry, I walk 4 hrs a week). ; )
Angela, I don't see anything wrong with showing them just who you are. It saves time later.. My mom was a tiny woman (don't call her a lady). When some man would say. "Damn, Sandy, you're a little short thing" She'd look them straight in the eye and say real slow, "Honey, I ain't short of nothin'" She scared the shit out of me! She had some takers but never for long. I think abuse become less romantic with time.
Clark now that we have met, Is LG trying to say that we both might have a bad attitude? Or that we can flamingo dance when others can't? Or little children and kittens like us 2nd best?
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Cheri wrote: "Clark now that we have met, Is LG trying to say that we both might have a bad attitude? Or that we can flamingo dance when others can't? Or little children and kittens like us 2nd best?"
She thinks we're both mad-cow crazy.
To hell with cats. In a world where most of the population is starving, spending a few grand per year for the right to vacuum pet hair three times a week seems sort of self-indulgent.
She thinks we're both mad-cow crazy.
To hell with cats. In a world where most of the population is starving, spending a few grand per year for the right to vacuum pet hair three times a week seems sort of self-indulgent.
A few grand a year? That's an expensive cat.
I love cats. Just saying.
I tend to be pretty good at comebacks. One time I was working with a group of server engineers who were fucking things up left and right. After I read them the riot act for about 15 minutes - this was all for a project I was managing, and their screw-ups were delaying the project's progress significantly - one of the engineers, a snot-nosed punk, piped up and informed me that I was not their boss, and I could not talk to them that way.
"If I were your boss," I replied, "I would be embarrassed to sign your checks." And then I hung up.