Terminalcoffee discussion
Rants / Debates (Serious)
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Question about sexual assault definitions and punishments
So it just went from handjobs to sex?
Esme wrote: "So it just went from handjobs to sex?"I find it amusing that today's kids think a blowjob is foreplay to sex. Lord, I sound like an old man.
I'm only in my 30's but back in high school, we didn't give blowjobs until after we had slept with the guy a few times.
There's such a thing as "oral parties" now. It's quite scary, since I watched an interview a couple of years back on a talk show and many kids don't realize that you can get an STD from giving oral, and no one uses a condom for that.
Why are you talking about baseball, Larry? And why would you ask me of all people about baseball?
And what the heck is an oral party??
And what the heck is an oral party??
Oral party? What happens at an oral party?
smetchie wrote: "Oral party? What happens at an oral party?"People stand around and talk?
Oral party sounds like a gathering for STDs.
Stacia what happens at the oral parties you heard about?
Is an oral party like those rainbow parties that I'd read about a few years ago where a guy made it a goal to get as many colors of lipstick on his manpart as he was able?Dumb.
I will repeat: in most states, if the woman is drunk she cannot legally give consent. lesson: don't have sex with drunk women. Further, if you want to know how far to go JUST ASK. and NO means NO, not maybe.
Oral sex is like an appetizer, sex is the main dish.
Does it really matter? Virginity is just a state of mind, after all.
Alecia wrote: "Oral sex is like an appetizer, sex is the main dish."I like that analogy. What's for dessert?
A hot shower and someone to help wash your back.
Good one, Alecia.No, Dutch. There is no wrong. Try not to be so concerned with categorizing what you are doing. You miss a lot when that's your focus. Just relax and enjoy the opportunity.
Larry wrote: "Good one, Alecia.No, Dutch. There is no wrong. Try not to be so concerned with categorizing what you are doing. You miss a lot when that's your focus. Just relax and enjoy the opportunity."
Yeah, what Larry said!
I'm not Larry, but if I had a daughter, I would tell her that yes, blowjobs are sex, handjobs are sex, and never believe anything a man says when his dick is in your mouth.To me, it's sex if you are doing something with/to a partner with the intent of bringing your partner to orgasm as much as it's sex if you are doing something intended to result in procreation.
Dutch wrote: Well, ok... bear with me here, as you know I NEVER did receive The Talk properly, but I have always associated intercourse to be sex. If my tongue wanders around a man's body and oh-lookie-here, a penis! I still don't think that's the act of sex itself. Just part of foreplay. Have I been doing this wrong all along?!?!I'm with you Dutch... but then that might have just been an attitude I adopted in college to justify some actions? Kind of like those girls who save their hymen, but have anal sex with abandon*.
*I am not one of these girls.
Kristina wrote: "Kind of like those girls who save their hymen, but have anal sex with abandon*"and then see message 106.
Doesn't anyone find oral sex much more intimate than intercourse?
Not really. Intercourse is more intimate and more special because I know girls who are on their knees giving blowjobs all day to a bunch of guys, but they keep their legs sealed so they can 'save themselves for someone they love' Which doesn't really make much sense to me because why would you give a blowjob to a guy who you don't supposedly love?
That blows me away(no pun intended). I find it much more intimate. And what are these young girls getting out of it? A reputation for giving good head? If there is anything I want to teach my daughter in this lifetime it is to have enough self respect to expect to be respected. Wow!
I don't call a blow job sex. I call a blow job a blow job. "Did you have sex with him?"
"No but I gave him a blow job."
I've never heard that followed up with, "so you DID have sex with him, then."
Maybe it varies by region? Like the very confusing bases.
Jammies wrote: "To me, it's sex if you are doing something with/to a partner with the intent of bringing your partner to orgasm..."This. Many women can only get orgasms through oral, so if they go 10 years with one partner and their time together consists of him going down on her until she has an orgasm, did she not have sex for all of those years? So what if he climbs on top of her afterward and gets his release? Was the sex for her the penetration or when she got her pleasure/release?
Plus, most men don't recover from a BJ right away. Sometimes you're in bed with someone and decide to do that instead of traditional sex, and then you're done for the night. Not everyone goes for more than one round every single time they're with their partner, but it doesn't mean that they didn't just "hook up."
I don't call "hooking up" sex either. I call it hooking up. Isn't language fun?
You know what I mean though!
It's called oral sex for a reason. Same as anal sex, right?A body part is entering another body part for the sake of orgasm, and there is a risk for contracting a disease because of the bodily fluids being shared.
I might not classify hand jobs or finger play as sex because you are not swallowing fluid and opening up that very real possibility of contracting a disease, which takes the personal level down quite a bit and can make it feel more casual and like less of a risk/commitment.
Foreplay is the act leading up to sex. Kissing, touching, stroking, rubbing, etc. Once personal parts start entering bodies, whether traditionally or by mouth, you are entering into the sexual realm.
This is what I wish teenage girls would understand :
If you give 10 guys a blowjob, you are no less innocent (not that being experienced is a necessarily a bad thing) than if you spread your legs for 10 guys, no matter how much your group of friends thinks otherwise.
Now if we're talking virginity, the lines blur a bit. I agree that if a girl only gives oral but has never been penetrated, she's still "technically" a virgin because she hasn't had traditional sex. But it does not mean that she has not participated in a sex act.
For females, virginity is often associated with keeping the hymen intact. I didn't have one intact the first time I slept with a guy because of an earlier injury, but I still considered myself a virgin.
It's just a transaction if there's no real intimacy.
One more example then I'm done. Please forgive the graphic lingo, but I have no other way to explain all of this.If a woman participates in a menage (3 way) and is on all fours and a man enters her from behind, while she is giving a blow job to another man, did she only have sex with one of them or both of them? I would say both.
Larry wrote: "It's just a transaction if there's no real intimacy."True, but we're trying to define if this act is sex or not. Sex is not always equal to intimacy.
Stacia...dot, dot, dot wrote: "One more example then I'm done. Please forgive the graphic lingo, but I have no other way to explain all of this.If a woman participates in a menage (3 way) and is on all fours and a man enters h..."
If it were me saying it, she had sex with one and oral sex with another. Actually I'd probaby just say she had a threesome. For me "sex" means "pole in the hole." (Thanks for that term Kristina.) I don't consider stds or things I don't want my daughters doing or intimacy or orgasms when defining it. Its just a word that means intercourse to me.
Maybe I'm thinking of this as a parent because the conversation started out by talking about the bases, and I realized that oral was listed as being a "step down" from having sex, when the long term emotional and physical consequences are no less dangerous than having traditional sex.A step down is having someone get your bra off or slip a hand up your skirt. It's walking the line of sexuality without having to fully commit to the act.
The lines need to be defined when you have kids. It scares the hell out of me that kids are going around thinking that giving out blow jobs is a casual way to have fun and that it's not sex. It's a very real, very personal act that can come with serious consequences, and it bothers me that someone would label it as foreplay and not all that different as other forms of foreplay, when playing with someone's breasts doesn't come with the same potential long term results.
There are very real consequences for having oral sex, both emotionally (at a young age...adults are often able to separate out emotion) and physically (disease), and kids are often told by their peers that having oral is no big deal because it's not the same as sex, and this disturbs me to no end.
Damn. I guess I've been using it wrong.
I do see what you're saying Stacia. I will have to think about that.
I think it's that they're both sex, but different "types" of sex. If I say, "I just got laid," I'm referring to traditional sex.
Bonobos don't worry about what you call anything.
I asked my husband his opinion and liked his answer: If a woman starts the act as a way to play around and it moves on from there (no completion yet) into traditional sex, then the oral is being used as foreplay and not sex. If the act is started and completed as oral, then it is equivilent to having sex.
That seemed like a good way to describe it.
And then there's hitting a high pop fly to left field that's easily picked off for an out that retires the side at the end of 5 innings, leaving a man on both first and second.