Terminalcoffee discussion
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Feeling Nostalgic? The archives
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Answer Machine (New & Improved?)- I'm Feeling All Knowing/Kevin: The Great and Powerful Oz/NOW TEMPORARILY THE "ASK CLARK" THREAD! >> Wisconsin Wedgies, Tag teamed back to Kevin/Squatting Shatner vs. Sally's birds
Has your ass even been exposed in public? Please describe.
Barb wrote: "I don't know what I'm enjoying more:
RA's questions, or Clarks answers.
BTW ... I'm pretty sure you'd hate my dog Clark. Please don't kick him."
I've nothing against dogs - I think one is in our near-to-immediate future as soon as I figure out the whole wireless fence thing - but getting bum rushed by one when I'm on my own property really frosts my nuts.
RA's questions, or Clarks answers.
BTW ... I'm pretty sure you'd hate my dog Clark. Please don't kick him."
I've nothing against dogs - I think one is in our near-to-immediate future as soon as I figure out the whole wireless fence thing - but getting bum rushed by one when I'm on my own property really frosts my nuts.
RandomAnthony wrote: "Has your ass even been exposed in public? Please describe."
Me and some friends were strip searched at the U.S./Canadian border at Windsor coming back into the states after it was discovered we didn't declare three cases of Brador with customs. Does that count?
Me and some friends were strip searched at the U.S./Canadian border at Windsor coming back into the states after it was discovered we didn't declare three cases of Brador with customs. Does that count?
Tell us more about this event. Were you all strip searched together, in the same room? Was that weird, being naked in front of all your friends?
RandomAnthony wrote: "Tell us more about this event. Were you all strip searched together, in the same room? Was that weird, being naked in front of all your friends?"
We were all in the same room and actually had to bend over, but after years of playing grab ass in the showers all through junior high and high school, it was no big thing.
At least that's what she said.
We were all in the same room and actually had to bend over, but after years of playing grab ass in the showers all through junior high and high school, it was no big thing.
At least that's what she said.
iBritt wrote: "Clark, what do we agree on?"
That you need to lose your virginity before your head explodes
I've got nothing...
I've got nothing...
Haha, Clark! all of my problems are not linked to my hymen.
Have you ever signed a credit card slip and, after handing the slip back to the cashier and seeing their attention was diverted, pocketed the pen?
iBritt wrote: "Haha, Clark! all of my problems are not linked to my hymen."
Well, at least you have a sense of humor. That's something we can agree on.
Well, at least you have a sense of humor. That's something we can agree on.
Have you ever not shaken your pee off enough and you got a little pee circle on your pants?
Have you ever been in a conversation that went something like this:Others - (jokes and snickers)
Clark - "IT'S NOT FUNNY, GUYS! I'm being serious. Be serious."
Others - (more jokes and snickers)
If yes, what was it about?
Also, when did you find out you were going to have twins? Twin girls? And how did your wife respond? How did you respond?
Detroit--what's the best thing it's got going for it these days?
What's the latest with Kwame Kilpatrick?
Mod
Sally wrote: "This is like RA's and Clark's first date.":)
Sally wrote: "This is like RA's and Clark's first date."And their first date is one of those speed date deals.
RandomAnthony wrote: "Have you ever not shaken your pee off enough and you got a little pee circle on your pants?"
Yes but alas, shake it more than three times and you're playing with it.
Yes but alas, shake it more than three times and you're playing with it.
Heidi wrote: "Have you ever been in a conversation that went something like this:
Others - (jokes and snickers)
Clark - "IT'S NOT FUNNY, GUYS! I'm being serious. Be serious."
Others - (more jokes and snick..."
Yes. I was talking about the heartbreak of psoriasis. No one understood. One day they'll all pay.
Others - (jokes and snickers)
Clark - "IT'S NOT FUNNY, GUYS! I'm being serious. Be serious."
Others - (more jokes and snick..."
Yes. I was talking about the heartbreak of psoriasis. No one understood. One day they'll all pay.
Heidi wrote: "Also, when did you find out you were going to have twins? Twin girls? And how did your wife respond? How did you respond?"
Twin girls. We found out during the first ultrasound. The nurse located the first one, had a look, pronounced her as healthy as a horse (Clark crosses himself) and then said, "Let's just make sure there's not another one." The words were no sooner out of her mouth when a second head popped up on the screen. "Oh," she said, "there is." My wife started sobbing hysterically because she knew we wouldn't have much help with them once they were born. Both sets of grandparents were gone by then and everyone in both of our immediate families all work during the day. I just started laughing. What can you do? I was just relieved they were both healthy and my wife was too and you just can't put a price on either of those things.
Twin girls. We found out during the first ultrasound. The nurse located the first one, had a look, pronounced her as healthy as a horse (Clark crosses himself) and then said, "Let's just make sure there's not another one." The words were no sooner out of her mouth when a second head popped up on the screen. "Oh," she said, "there is." My wife started sobbing hysterically because she knew we wouldn't have much help with them once they were born. Both sets of grandparents were gone by then and everyone in both of our immediate families all work during the day. I just started laughing. What can you do? I was just relieved they were both healthy and my wife was too and you just can't put a price on either of those things.
Jonathan wrote: "Detroit--what's the best thing it's got going for it these days?"
The freeways leading out of town.
The freeways leading out of town.
Esme wrote: "What's the latest with Kwame Kilpatrick?"
The hip hop mayor is cooling his heels in prison after being caught using the city's coffers as his personal chew toy while he was in office, not to mention perjuring himself. He pops out of his cell for the occasional look around (like Punxsutawney Phil) and deposition during which he casually admits to a growing list of sexual trysts and general thuggery from years gone past. I hope he enjoys his Christless eternity and spooning with his cellie Jamal.
The hip hop mayor is cooling his heels in prison after being caught using the city's coffers as his personal chew toy while he was in office, not to mention perjuring himself. He pops out of his cell for the occasional look around (like Punxsutawney Phil) and deposition during which he casually admits to a growing list of sexual trysts and general thuggery from years gone past. I hope he enjoys his Christless eternity and spooning with his cellie Jamal.
Sherri wrote: "But the dog doesn't know it is your property. He can't read, and if you have no fence posts to pee on, how's he supposed to know it's your territory?
Are you really taking the time to mark territ..."
You're right. But his owners ought to know better. I still hate that little bastard. If he touches any of my kids, I'm going to tear off his head and shit down his neck. Dog Whisperer my ass...
Are you really taking the time to mark territ..."
You're right. But his owners ought to know better. I still hate that little bastard. If he touches any of my kids, I'm going to tear off his head and shit down his neck. Dog Whisperer my ass...
So he doesn't really have PTSD then?
Esme wrote: "So he doesn't really have PTSD then?"
If bullshit was concrete, he'd be a super highway.
If bullshit was concrete, he'd be a super highway.
Mod
Did he ever hit on you?
No, I was too young to understand. When did he do all shit? The late seventies? I was about ten. I don't want to think about Gacy.
Was he the one who hired himself out as a clown for kids' birthday parties? No wonder so many kids are afraid of clowns.
Mod
Clark: the Wordsworth of Terminal Coffee...
Mod
I don't want to think about Gacy."
Between 72 and 78, so I guess you were a little young for his tastes.
Mod
John Wayne Gacy, Jr. (March 17, 1942 – May 10, 1994) was an American serial killer also known as the Killer Clown who committed the rape and murder of 33 teenage boys and young men between 1972 and 1978. Twenty-six of Gacy's victims were buried in the crawlspace of his home, three others elsewhere on his property and four victims were discarded in a nearby river.
Gacy became known as the "Killer Clown" due to his charitable services at fundraising events, parades and children's parties where he would dress as "Pogo the Clown," a character he devised himself.
Clark wrote: "Heidi wrote: "Have you ever been in a conversation that went something like this:Others - (jokes and snickers)
Clark - "IT'S NOT FUNNY, GUYS! I'm being serious. Be serious."
Others - (more j..."
I knoooow that one. It IS serious!
Clark wrote: "Heidi wrote: "Also, when did you find out you were going to have twins? Twin girls? And how did your wife respond? How did you respond?"Twin girls. We found out during the first ultrasound. ..."
:) Thanks, Clark.
Two questions this morning...1) The mob approaches you with two choices. You can A) Let a large man kick you in the balls as hard as he can, or B) you can wear a beret around for five days, Thursday through Monday, let's say, and if anyone asks you why you're wearing a beret you have to say they're cool and act like you don't see the big deal. Which do you do?
2) You're in a bar, sort of drunk, with your friends when suddenly you feel someone give you a massive wedgie. You turn around and standing there, still holding your underwear up in wedgie position, is a beautiful but angry woman. What do you say?
1) I'll take the kick in the cajones. We all have dreams. Martin Luther King dreamt of racial harmony. Larry Hagman dreamt of Jeannie. I've always dreamt of auditioning for the Vienna Boys Choir.
2) "Thank you sir, may I have another?"
2) "Thank you sir, may I have another?"
Mod
Sally wrote: "RA's queries make me wonder if he started hitting the painkillers early this morning."
Some of his questions make me wonder if he's batting for the other team.
Some of his questions make me wonder if he's batting for the other team.
Twins 2011 = over or under 95 wins?
Mod
Michael wants to know if the Minnesota Twins baseball team will win over or under 95 games in the 2011 season.
Mod
Clark: will I be terribly disappointed if I go to the Cheap Trick show next month in Des Moines?I saw them last in 1979, when they opened for AC/DC.
Cheap Trick opened for Cheap Trick? A cheap trick indeed.
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1. In your previous post you implied that eating Pop Tarts was bad. Why is eating Pop Tarts a bad thing?
2. Have you ever split your pants? If you have, please describ..."
1) My bad. I love Pop Tarts.
2) Never.