A Strange Man Handled RA's Testicles...

[Reads with Scotch]

The shot in the nut thing... yeah, that is why I would have to be put under. I don't like needles... and I hate them, and whoever is holding them when they are aimed at my man bags.

[RandomAnthony]

Thanks, people. I had a couple beers tonight and even a couple of pieces of pizza, breaking my mad healthy streak (first beer since memorial day!) just in case I, uh, die. I guess I won't be able to work out until at least Sunday, too, which will mean Saturday will be my first day off working out in six weeks, assuming I work out tomorrow morning. I have books (finishing Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao and I have the Dalai Lama book on anger and River of Gods on deck) and movies (Goodfellas, LA Confidential, Apocalypse Now, Streets of Fire, all classics) good to go as well. Sunday's my oldest's tenth birthday so I'm hoping I'm ok by then. The St. Louis Rams' training camp is down the road from us and I want to take him.

Does Cyril really have 13 kids? Holy shit!

[Charissa, That's Ms. Obnoxious Twat to You.]

I think we can safely assume at this point that 90% of what Cyril says is complete fiction.

[Reads with Scotch]

Do you smell a sock puppet?



I don't know why, but over the last week or so I have had a sock puppet fetish... I am beginning to think it is rather unhealthy...

[Reads with Scotch]

So you’re saying I really didn't kill all those kids... Man that is such a relief I was so expecting the police to bust through my door any time now. You’re the best imaginary Donna.

[Jackie "the Librarian", Cool Star Trek Nerd]

If you guys were my delusions, you'd be giving me a big French test I hadn't studied for all year. How did I forget to go to that class? How? And why am I back in school?

[Reads with Scotch]

{:-( I hear if you drink enough anyone can speak French. Go have a few shots and all will be well. At least that’s what imaginary Donna told me.

[Jackie "the Librarian", Cool Star Trek Nerd]

Mais, non, Donna, tu n'avais pas oublié tout les mots, c'est evident!

Oh, I can speak French, with or without a drink quite badly thank you. I was a French major, just barely - hence the delusions.

Où est la piscine? Where is the pool?

Je vais à la biblioteque avec Philip. I go to the library with Philip.

Ça va? How's it going?

Voilà! Ta da!

[Jackie "the Librarian", Cool Star Trek Nerd]

C'est rien, vraiment. It can be our secret code for teasing Nick. Nick, you don't know any French, do you?

[Jackie "the Librarian", Cool Star Trek Nerd]

He he he! Premièrement le Mundi, et après ça, le monde!!!

Oh, wait, there's still Charissa... And she is formidable.

[Jackie "the Librarian", Cool Star Trek Nerd]

Et maintenant, je dois aller au lit. Bonne nuit, Bunny! Hee!

[Charissa, That's Ms. Obnoxious Twat to You.]

Charissa n'est pas vraiment formidable, elle est une grande guimauve. Donnez-lui le chocolat et elle est toute vôtre.

[Hayley]

I hope everything goes alright today RA :)

[Not Bill]

I've followed this thread for some time. I think at this point, it's best that I say as little as possible. To both RA and Nick - the best of luck. Yer hearts are in the right place.

[Rusty]

PPsssstt, Nick



Don't worry, I got you covered.

[Misty]

Have a ball today, RA! errr, I mean, good luck!

[Martine]

Yeah, good luck, RA. I'm sure you'll live to tell the tale. :-)

[Reads with Scotch]

So I am a circus attraction on a space ship... I wonder if the medical hologram will shut down the DNA factory.

I know they say they didn't have to drink to type all that, but seriously look at it and tell me they are not sauced up...

[Reads with Scotch]

Good luck RA, have an un-eventful procedure.

[Varmint]

it should be happening about now.



moment of silence time.

[[deleted user]]

I can hear the scissors snipping right now...

[Charissa, That's Ms. Obnoxious Twat to You.]

::::plays taps for anthony's little soldiers:::::

[Sarah]

So, Anthony, how they hangin'?

[Lori]

It's over. Hurrah! RA must be reclining on the couch or chair, the King of his castle, sans jewels.

Here's to lots of worry-free spontaneous sex.

[Reads with Scotch]

The lack of a response from RA leads me to think the worse. Something has gone horribly wrong. RA! Stay away from the light! It's not that bad, they will grow back promise, just stay away from the light.

[RandomAnthony]

Thanks, people...I appreciate all the kind words. I just posted on my blog...let me cut and paste it here. I just read Sherri's post of her husband's procedure, by the way, and it sounds very similar!

We had to wait a few minutes after we arrived at the office. Apparently the doctor was running late due to some problems at the hospital. About twenty minutes after my scheduled appointed a nurse ushered me into a small room, checked my blood pressure, and asked me the usual nurse questions (are you allergic to anything?, etc.). After she left I weighed myself on the examination room scale (pleasantly surprised) and closed my eyes. The nurse returned with two pills, vicadon (sp?) and oxycotin (sp again?). She said they were to reduce any anxiety. Hell, I’ve never taken either medication before, and what the hell, they sound fun, so I downed both pills and moved to the procedure room. The nurse told me to strip from the waist down and left. I followed the directions and sat on the bed in one of those paper examination robes and tried to figure out if the medication was working. I found the manner in which the central air breeze rustled the curtain mildly interesting so I assumed we were ready to go. The doctor entered, apologized for the delay, and got to work. He shaved, uh, the important area and asked me questions about sports, e.g. the Brewers and the Brett Farve retirement controversy. I think he was trying to relax and distract me and while I don’t mind talking baseball I’m sick of Brett Farve talk. He put all sorts of disinfectants on the area as well, ordered me not to touch anything, and left to find the nurses. Yes, apparently I need a trio for my procedure. This surprised me.

Once the trio were in position they wasted no time getting to work. The doctor said the first stage, injecting me with a local anesthetic, might be “a little rough”. I guess the shot hurt a little but not too badly. The nurses and doctors talked about their difficulties associated with procuring Brewers tickets, whether or not Bears’ fans tailgate in Chicago, and something about another patient’s “sensitivities”. I stared at the ceiling and closed my eyes. I could feel little tugs every now and then but nothing too bad. However, after a couple minutes I smelled something burning and asked what was on fire. Apparently I was. The doctor said he had just cauterized the ends of the tubes he cut. So I smelled myself burning. That woke me up. The doctor then said he was in the “second quarter” and added “the first and third quarters are the worst”. After a couple minutes I figured out he meant that each testicle comprised “half” of the procedure and he divided each half into two quarters. The first quarter of each half was the shot of anesthesia and the second quarter was the procedure. The second half was a little worst then the first. I’m not sure why. Time got all weird. I wonder if the drugs messed with my sense of chronology.

I forgot to mention the nurses hanged a screen up so I couldn’t see what they were doing. This was probably for the best. When they were done the nurses took down the screen and I saw all sorts of clippers and scissors on the table in a little silver bowl. Yikes. The doctor slid what can be best described as a cross between a jock strap and a sumo wrestler’s uniform onto my legs and stuffed my crotch with gauze. I felt like I either wearing a codpiece of stuffing my shorts to make my package look bigger. He called my wife into the room and ran down the post-procedure information. I asked when I could work out again and he said to wait until next weekend unless I wanted “swelling and bleeding.” I think I’ll wait, thank you very much. He prescribed Tylenol with codeine, told me not to drink alcohol, and sent us on our way. I felt pretty good, I said, and he said, “yeah, that’s what they all say, but wait until the drugs wear off.” Oh, I’m also not allowed to shower until Monday. Ew.

I hit the couch as soon as we got home and turned on “The Bank Job.” My wife went out to get the kids and run errands. I watched the movie and put some ice on my crotch (another doctor’s order). I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to put the ice in the gauze or inside of it so I did a little of both. The ice didn’t help much, honestly, so I think I did something wrong. I guess I wasn’t in gut wrenching pain but I wasn’t exactly comfortable. The movie was ok, typical bank robbery thing, and before long my family returned with a vegetarian sub and prescription drugs. I took some of both and settled back on the couch to watch “Goodfellas”. The boys were mildly curious as to why I had an ice pack between my legs. I told them the doctor told me to do so because he had to check me out with his scalpel today. I wasn’t ready to explain the whole sperm thing yet. Not today. Maybe later. I drank a couple diet cokes (yes, I know, bad for me) and watched the movie until the Brewers game started. After a while I grew sick of television and chatted with the kids about their days and next week’s plans. I pulled the gauze out, as I felt like the gauze was causing me more pain that anything, and I feel a bit better now. Really, I feel ok. I’m tempted to work out soon but all that swelling and bleeding talk is still in the back of my mind. Oh, I also took a couple Tylenol and codeine pills over the course of the evening, so please excuse any typos.

Any vasectomy questions, let me know. I am now experienced in the area.

Thanks again! I'm ok. Don't tell my wife. I want to watch more movies tomorrow.:)

[Jackie "the Librarian", Cool Star Trek Nerd]

I'm glad you're okay, RA. Yeah, I wouldn't want to see surgery on any part of my body either. That codpiece look sounds sexxxy! (not) :D

Have fun convalescing! I won't say a word to your wife... shhhh!

[Reads with Scotch]

You have talked me into it RA. I will absolutely be put under for the procedure. I don't want to feel any "tugging".

[Sarah]

Milk it for all it's worth, Anthony! Maybe you can get your wife to go out and get you some frozen yogurt. And let her know how fun it'll be, when you're once again ready for "activities", to have the area nice and smoothly shaved.

(Honestly? That's probably the part that would freak me out the most. The procedure is all surgical and professional but having a doctor shave my cootch would just be real weird.)

[Reads with Scotch]

You said "cootch"


As soon as I saw that I broke into jubilant laughter. Super animated laughter, thanks Sarah.

[Sarah]

I aim to please, Nick.

[Reads with Scotch]

Spot on cougar~!

[Sarah]

Cougar?!? I'm much too young to be a cougar, aren't I??

*frantically checks mirror for crow's feet and gray hair*

[Reads with Scotch]

A mountain lion, Hello. AKA a real hottie actress type, pleasing the masses. I thought that’s what cougar meant anyway. Damn it now you have me un-sure of myself.


This thread is about RA and his nuts so let’s get back to it.

[RandomAnthony]

Sarah, think of it this way...some people pay money to have someone wax their, uh, cooch...the doctor shaved my nuts as part of a package deal. Although I'm surprised he did it instead of the nurse...dude went to medical school and he ends up shaving testicles...

[RandomAnthony]

No, Sarah's cougar status is quite interesting. At what age can one become a cougar? What's the standard?

[Sarah]

A cougar is an older woman who goes after young men.

Anthony, did he give you any instructions as to how long you should wait to... you know...? And, are you supposed to try to avoid getting an erection?

Sorry. Inquiring minds want to know.

[Sarah]

But what if the younger man is 25? Is the general rule just that the woman is a cougar if her man is 20 years or more younger?

[Jackie "the Librarian", Cool Star Trek Nerd]

Older than Sarah, for sure.

Uh, RA, you are in for being bristly and scratchy, in a day or two. Not fun.

[Reads with Scotch]

I have never herd of this cougar thing. When did this start?

Also I second what Sarah wanted to know.

[RandomAnthony]

Sarah...no, he didn't say anything about that. Would I be in too much pain for that in the near future? I know I'm supposed to go back soon so they can check if it worked. Maybe I'll ask then.

Nick! I forgot to tell you something. They tape down your penis with what kind of feels like a band aid so it doesn't get in the way. When they're done they tear off the band aid. Ouch.

[Sarah]

Oh, so you were just making that up, Donna?

[Sarah]

so it doesn't get in the way

*snicker*

Well, when you get an erection don't the testicles tense up? So I would think that would be painful, yes. But, not possessing the actual body parts myself, I couldn't say for sure.

[RandomAnthony]

The second entry in urban dictionary says 35 and over, Sarah...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define...

[Reads with Scotch]

Yeah, I thought I was being complementary.

[Sarah]

Yikes. I'm almost there.

I love that there are over 100 posts about your testicles, Anthony.

[Reads with Scotch]

Well I can deal with the wanker-aid if they knock me out.

[RandomAnthony]

I think whenever a guy gets his, um, things handled by a doctor, by the way, there is always the fear you will get accidentally erect. That didn't happen today. Whew.

[Reads with Scotch]

hehe Popular guy RA is. Everyone knows about his junk.

[Sarah]

Would it have been preferable to have a nurse hold down the penis so it didn't get in the way? Instead of having it taped down? Or would that have caused said unwanted erection?

Seriously, I don't know how you guys can walk around with those things.