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This is the first person rewrite of For No One, entitled Last Kiss, which I think is a more apt name anyway. It came full circle a bit; as I mentioned about that a Taylor Swift song initially brought back these memories and so to there is a Taylor Swift song called Last Kiss that seems fitting enough.This rewrite is more intimate, uncomfortable, and just works better than 3rd person, IMO.
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...
I read both of your pieces R.C and i thought they were absolutely beautiful. they were made up of humor and heartbreak. so real. so...sad. but then that's what made the story so real. i understand that you had a few qualms about which the third or first pov was better...well i honestly think that both of them are awesome. i loved the honesty and conviction in the main character's thoughts and feelings. he had breath taking wit and he was nothing more than a humble friend and lover, not just some random guy. you captured that in such a way that makes many of us women wish that there were more guys like that in the world...but anyway, i just wanted to say that i hope you have more writing like this on the way. then again, if you post something else of another subject i doubt that i will be disappointed. once again, great job with what you've done. i'm quite surprised that more people here haven't read your work! it's absolutely deserving of more views than what it has seen...one more thing i'd like to request is that you read my short story Moments Like This which is posted at my profile page. it is somewhat dichotomized version of your stories, except they are from a woman's point of view. i think you may like what you read. please have at it if you get a chance. thanks =)
Hi T-Rose. Thanks for your kind words. I'm glad it came across as real, though that might be because it is based on the dying moments of a past relationship. Its always awesome to find out someone likes my writing. I'll have to put a few more stories up. I actually have more posted on a website called www.scribophile.comThis is the link, but you have to be logged in to see my work:
http://www.scribophile.com/authors/r-...
I started putting my work there because the ability to give feedback is so much better, easier, and more useful than this site, IMO. Thats not a knock on GR, but this is a site for books, not writing. :) If you don't already have an account there, I really recommend you try it out. I think you'll be impressed with having other people critique your stuff and how much it helps.
I will definitely check out your story and leave a note, but I beseech you to use Scribophile too.
ok i'll give the site a look see. and hey no problem about the comment i left you. i meant it. that's pretty much my purpose here =) anyway, take your time with reading my work. i don't want anyone to feel like its a priority
This is another short story I'm working on. It's stuck somewhere between children's lit and YA, with some adultish humor mixed in. Believe it or not, but this is, in fact, the true story of the tortoise and the hare.
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...
R. C. wrote: "This is another short story I'm working on. It's stuck somewhere between children's lit and YA, with some adultish humor mixed in. Believe it or not, but this is, in fact, the true story of the..."
i...don't even really know where to start. see, this week, i read a whole lot of good work, more than i have at one time. but i guess im just gonna have to come out and say it: you have outdone everyone's writing this week. this tortoise and hare story you wrote was absolutely amazing. i don't even read stuff like that, but man on man..i am so glad that i did! i fell in love with it. your writing style is so fresh and original. creative. thoughtful. and yet, i bet it was written effortlessly. the way the story flowed and the way it was narrated captured my respect and let me tell you, that isn't something so easy for fellow writers of mine to come by. i am dying to read more of your work. and again...i am utterly surprised that other members of this group have not read any of it. then again, that's what our aspirations put us through. rejection. what a shame. i'm going to do something about this...once i figure out what
Wow, thanks for you kind words. I fear that I can't post anything else though: my ego has inflated so much that there is no more room. :)I'm glad you liked it. I know it's not perfect (weak verbs, some passive voice, adverbs) but I have gotten good vibes back from those who have read it. A good portion did flow out effortlessly, inspiration I guess. It was just really fun to write.
Part of me wants to leave it as is, and the other part wants to add more crowd interaction in the beginning, or run out the tale until just before the race ends, but I worry it might lose something in the process.
Thanks again for your support and thoughtful words. :)
honestly i wouldn't change much if i were you. it reads like a short story so it should remain as is. and your verbs and descriptions were absolutely fitting. don't worry. and as far as my review is concerned, it's the only way i can be. honest.
This first one is an almost entirely factual account of the dying embers of a relationship. I took a step back and tried to write in the third person. The narrator ended up being somewhat unreliable and might even be the leading male...
Initially, it was under the working title of People are People, which a line from a Taylor Swift song called Breathe. The somber tone and lyrics struck me, but the more I listened the more I realized it didn't fit; that song is about a semi-mutual ending, and the story wasn't. After some searching, I can came across as some by The Beatles called For No One that was just perfect.
I have done a first person rewrite that I think ended up better and I'll post that too, but here is For No One
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...