Writers Unite discussion
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Jen's writing
Thanks I wanted to try something different so I ws just playing around with the way I was rhyming. I'm glad u like it!
wen dont i?! ur an excellent poet... me nvr been interested in poems much butt urs are easy to understnad, at times deep, and really cool rhymes :)
lol thanks! i have always wanted to be an author and i used to try and write novels, but last year in school we did a few poetry pieces and my teacher said i should do more just for fun so that is how i decided to write poetry instead:)
m glad u did! or else, me and rose wld be deprived of ur epic poetry :)
lol yeah and starngely i hated that teacher so y i listened to her... i have no clue
hey jen i read your last two POTD hon' and as usually they're great. i would have read them sooner but i've been ill. but im much better now. i especially love that last one with the rhymes. i like the style and the lay out. i can say that yeah, im used to your free verses but your rhymes are very nice too. and in response to what amina said about your poetry being deep yet easy to read, well yes, that is true, but they aren't so easy that they tend to be forgettable. on the contrary they are absolutely unforgettable...and that's one of the reasons why i love them so much.
Thanks and I'm glad u r feeling better! I am really really really proud of todays POTD :D i wanted to try something different and i love the way it came out! Thanks again for all your support
good good. your confidence in yourself reeks.
*Crowd of Mistakes*I am singled out,
Made visible
In a place I wish to go unseen
In a place I don’t want my presence known.
She pulls me out
In a crowd of mistakes,
When no one knew anything.
I am made a fool
As she tries in simpler terms
To explain what I already know.
Frustrated I obey and repeat,
What she has instructed of me
But I end in failure,
Again.
She doesn’t realize
I understand
But am unable to do
What she commands.
coolio... but lol, the poor kid can't understand what ur tryina say (poor kidd=me) LOL :P
yeah when i re-read this it kinda wasnt makin sense but i wrote it at ten at night hyped on sugar:) so... its just this thing that happened at my dance school with my teacher who lets just say...I HATE!!!!!!!
**POTD**Each and every day I see him
And everyday loneliness fills my heart to the brim
Because he sees,
Right through me.
But for some reason today
He finally looked my way
And whispered a single word
But I acted as if I hadn’t heard.
Then he asks why I didn’t respond
(And this is the first time that he’s talked on and on).
But I quietly do
And he would have heard if he really wanted to.
I whispered to see if by chance
He would look at me again and not just glance.
He may not remember what happened
But two years ago is when my heart blackened.
It seemed that we would always be together
But he was as unpredictable as the weather.
And for that short period of time
I really believed he was mine.
But I guess good things aren’t meant to last.
And though he might have, I will never forget the past,
For my heart was shattered like glass.
2nd POTD! (wow two straight in a row!)*Forgot*
Why am I so easily forgot?
I am here, am I not?
Why am I so easily forgot?
Is it that I’m in a blind spot?
Why am I so easily forgot?
Is it that their attention cannot be caught?
Why am I so easily forgot?
Am I to little to be given any thought?
Why am I so easily forgot?
Are their eyes closed and their hands tied in a knot?
Why am I so easily forgot?
Can you think of a reason? For I cannot.
mmmmhmmm delightful :Dokay i've got an idea. why don't you write one of your famous heart-break poems from a guy's pov? or a few poems for that matter
(the second one is actually about my teacher) well i guess i'll give it a try- I'm not saying it will be good or if i'll do it on my next one but soon i promise. its just that its going to be a challenge since, well, i'm not a guy.
but that's the precise beauty of writing my dear. facing the challenges until you conquer them. then before you know it...your published. whooo haaa
o so what did your teacher do to make you write that poem? it certainly does sound like something written for an unlikable person
well i
this isn't your english teacher is it?
nope geography... i love my LAL teacher!
whoops. well that's a good thing at least. forget ur geography teacher. there's more to middle school than an ignorant one
yeah i try to just not pay attention to her which is pretty easy considereing we r always off topic so we dont learn anything
LOL jen, my sympathy's with ya! Those two poems were insanely cool, especiallt the second POTD! loved that one!
Thanks Amina!**Chains**
The real me they do not know
For the real me I do not show.
Through my laughter they do not see,
The broken girl that is me.
All of them sit and listen
But not to the real me, who is hidden.
I can’t explain to them
How heavy the sadness on my heart has become.
They cannot see how shattered I am inside.
They can’t see the truth lurking behind my lies.
And when I want to be quiet
They will not allow for me to have time that is private.
Instead they sit there begging
But I stay quiet while my heart starts slowly tearing.
And the continuous pain is unbearable
And the damage done is not repairable.
For my heart and its jagged pieced are scattered
And explaining that to them, they wouldn’t think it mattered.
So now I am a girl in tattered remains
And to my heart, sadness is chained.
whoa, it was like I was reading abt myself. really intense!
yeah this time the poem was bout something that happened in school:(
**FORGET ME NOT**I open my door and see forget-me-nots
Their periwinkle petals perfuming the porch as they sit in a pot.
A tear wells in my eye
But this is just like him, sending me lies.
He is the one who forced us into goodbye
So now what do these imply.
He is the one who walked away from me
And now, ‘forget me not’ he pleads?
I don’t know what changed his mind
Or if he thinks this will remind
Me of our happy days
When by him I was always amazed.
But no matter the reason I do not care,
For by him I will not again be ensnared.
I think to myself, it is only a trick
And decide to forget him by giving the flowers a kick.
And down my steps they went flying,
And I was hoping it was the end of his lying.
Thanks. In my problem solving class my teacher writes on this mini chalkboard what national day it is and yesterday was forget-me-not day and it inspired me for this poem. The things she puts on that board are histerical usually, one time it was national collect pet rocks day!
i really like your last two poems jen. they definitely demonstrate a high level of strength i, not used to you writing about. usually it feels like the character is pretty hurt and extra gloomy but this time i sense a certain growth emanating from the lines...very refreshing. great job
thanks t-rose! I'm sorry i disappeared and couldn't thank you sooner. also i was unable to write anything for the past two days cuz i was so busy, but i'll try to write two extras today to make up for it:)
**Trapped**You paralyze me with your icy eyes
And whisper to me your secrets and lies.
But you don’t know I don’t want to hear
About all the innocent people you made disappear.
I close my eyes not wanting to see,
The key on your neck that could set me free.
I never saw you coming
But when you appeared, so did the struggling.
I tried my best to breakaway,
For I did not want to become your prey.
Now I am tied up and missing
And behind these closed doors I am desperately wishing
Someone would come to my aid
To help me out of this place, to help me evade.
For I have been kidnapped.
For I have been entrapped.
And behind this closed door
I will not last much more.
Well... you know my comments :) as gud as always
Jen wrote: "**Trapped**You paralyze me with your icy eyes
And whisper to me your secrets and lies.
But you don’t know I don’t want to hear
About all the innocent people you made disappear.
I close my eye..."
nice job yo! i haven't signed on in days and this was a great welcome =)
i know. i have been extremly busy so i just go on my email, c wat other ppl post, but never really come on. and i have been falling behind on my POTDs:( i will come on more often again soon cuz we have soooooo many days off in november for really stupid things!
hey guys i am still working on my POTD but if you want, I wrote a short story thing that you could check out. it is really short and quick:) here is the link:http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...
o jen i think this is awesome. very descriptive. i specifically like the last 2 lines. they hang on nicely to the tragedy of the story. two things though: i would cut out the line about the family gathering their belongings. it just seems like the event taking place is far too serious (given the way you described it) for them to have been concerned about their belongings. if you don't want to cut that line then you should add a line where they lose/drop their belongings as they find themselves bustling along with he other families who, as you put it,"trip on rocks or tree roots and fall to the ground". the other thing is the title. it seems to imply that an earthquake took place rather than a volcano eruption...so consider changing that up eh? woo hoo great job though. im glad you wrote something else. your writing range totally expanding because you stepped away from relationships and heartache you know....variety is what?
variety is GOLDEN! first, i didn't want to write this but it was a geography assignment so i had to:( i also didn't come up with the title, my teacher did, and i completly agree- i thought it was more along the lines of earthquakes. i also agree with u about the belongings part. i was gonna add how they dropped it but couldn't think of a good sentence at the time. but i'll edit that part. and change the title to something of my own. Thanks as always and i promise to try and post a poem today!
okie doke. wow your geography teacher is......lol nevermind
crazy, stupid, loony, off her rocker, nonsensical, fruity, wacky,... all of the above?
anyways... i promise promise promise give me like 5/10 min and i will post a poem (i have determination!)
Bring Me BackAgain you and I meet,
But those years, I don’t want to repeat.
Next to me you wonder
Why we are now asunder.
What happened to your girl bubbling with laughter?
You left her with no one to laugh for.
I made an attempt to see you
But the distance between us grew and grew.
Because you never even tried
And I was tired of being cast to the side.
Maybe you don’t care
Or you would know why the old me isn’t there.
It’s because you left without notice
And no one was there to give me solace.
But still in my heart there is a place for you,
If only you could figure out what to do.
Simply bring me back
To the time when you made me laugh.
potd: **LOST**
I am being blown away,
But am not tightening my grip to stay.
Wind is whipping my hair behind my head
Blowing away the words that I said.
I scream, I shout
But still the sound is drowned out.
The rain has started slapping the ground,
Drenching me and everything around.
I am terrified and shaken
But no one cares about a lost girl’s worries so they leave her forsaken.
I am told ‘grow up’, ‘stopping acting like a child’,
Making my emptiness grow and compile.
I don’t want their attention,
Only help and suggestions.
But no one wants to take the time
To hear about the troubles that are mine.
I only need one person
To listen, so the sadness overtaking me won’t worsen.
People see how lost I am inside,
But guidance I am denied.
So instead they leave me to my thoughts
Still entirely distraught.
Alone in the wind and rain
My everlasting pain
Is the only thing keeping me from blowing away
But I do not wish to stay.
this is a random poem i wrote a while ago that for a school project but it never found its way here so here it is:*Grace*
I close my eyes and start to dance.
whenever I get the chance
For this you must move with grace
And never move with haste.
Each and every single move,
Must be elegant and smooth.
Listen for the rhythm and beat,
While letting the notes guide your feet.
whenever I get the chance
I close my eyes and start to dance.
Jen wrote: "crazy, stupid, loony, off her rocker, nonsensical, fruity, wacky,... all of the above?"lol well generally i have to meet a person first before i say those things about them...hahah but if you say so
great job. i like that your latest posts each maintain a different them from laughter, heartbreak, dancing....good mix. bring me back kind of made me feel giddy. its a joke to think that if someone breaks your heart you would still want them to come back and console, then again...that's kind of the point behind making mistakes in life isn't it? hmmm...and then lost is a cry for help, obviously, but its sad because the person in the poem is revealing their weakness by crying for that "one person" who i'm hoping is help from thyself. as for grace..its kind of mechanical. in other words, it doesn't read the way your work usually reads to me which is with a helluva lot more feeling. yeah, yeah i know you said its old but that just shows how much you grew. keep on growing m'dear. you're doin a great job =D
thanks t-rose:) i don't know if u realize how much i appreciate it when you tell me what u think. most ppl will post 'good' or 'i love it' but you actually take time and effort into saying wat u think, so thank you. also i really like hearing what u think the poems are about that way i know if the message i was trying to create or send is understandable to those reading it.as for 'grace' i know it is absolutely TERRIBLE ad i HATE it! it was for a folder about me. i always have a difficult time with things about myself cuz i'm a shy/quiet person, so writing a poem for my folder was hard. it was kinda like 'well i dont wanna put something really deep about myself so just put down a bunch of rhyming words that have to do with dance and call it a day.'
lol
no, seriously, i really like this. the way u rhyme it is abso fabu!