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[Dulcie]

Honesty never fails and with a sense of humour keep on doing it!

[Ethan]

thank you, and what you said at the end was really good, I was trying to make a world that you could be immersed in, so that you can see what you're reading instead of just reading it.

[Irene]

Ethan wrote: "thank you, and what you said at the end was really good, I was trying to make a world that you could be immersed in, so that you can see what you're reading instead of just reading it."

Yes, you are working on doing that...just don't put the information dumps in there! You have to slip the information in tactfully in order to build what your reader sees without overwhelming them.

[Emily]

whooppppppppp

[Ethan]

yeah, that's something that i have trouble with a lot of the time, and I'm really working on fixing that.

[Dakota]

I am back and I am in the lead

[Marlene]

Nay.

[Irene]

Ethan wrote: "yeah, that's something that i have trouble with a lot of the time, and I'm really working on fixing that."

There is an exercise that is supposed to help with this, you can try it if you want. You basically start a story, in the middle, and you don't really say a thing about how your character looks. Your reader already knows this, right? But they need refreshers to help make the scene even more vivid, because the fact that you mentioned MC's hair is this frizzy red was two pages back, and she had captured it into a bun then. Now it's down and she is trying to finish cooking dinner, and it just keeps getting in the way.

Now, theoretically (if that made sense) you should have a great example of how you should be writing your opening. You should be writing the scene with only little tidbits about your characters.

It doesn't work for everyone, but it's something we would always do once a month in our writing group. It was a freewrite but it was also a critique of not overloading your reader.

[Theodosia of the Fathomless Hall]

Jøℌαᾔηα »ℑ'м α ℓїттł℮ мøяℯ тℌαη υşεℓℯşş« wrote: "Rowenna Hawkenswood "We'll ride the gath'ring storm..." wrote: "Hallo, all! Just reading over the posts here--Fine, you could call it stalking the thread. *waves*.
If I may offer my opinion I think..."

Exactly. There's no way to not express this snappishly, so I intended to express the necessity for groundwork. Ja? I mean for that to be with all courtesy... Mmm?

[Sara]

Hi people :)

[Theodosia of the Fathomless Hall]

'Eyo, Sara!! Having a good weekend?

[Sara]

Yep! Thanks for asking :) Its really late but I cant sleep though :/ And yours?

[Theodosia of the Fathomless Hall]

Argh. Insomnia is horrid. Particularly when one is too tired to try differentiating it from amnesia. 'Welcome! I'm doing good--We pulled in a splendid haul from the library, and we're going to eat miso soup now. Yum.
Have you tried... reading until your eyelids fall down or counting sheep?

[Sara]

Im thankful for the advice :) Sheep counting does not work for moi, so maybe Ill read :P
What books did tou brought from the library?

[Theodosia of the Fathomless Hall]

Bad Luck Girl and its predecessor, as well as Stolen Songbird, and the Extended Edition of The Lord of the Rings. Wonderful.
Okay-doke, do whatever works!
It was nice to talk with you, Sara! Have a good Sunday!

[Emily]

.....

[Sara]

Those look like amazing books! Is fantasy you favorite genre? :)
It worked :P
Have a nice Sunday yourself as well :D

[Emily]

i win.

[[deleted user]]

[Irene]

My dear Emily, you are quite delusional I believe.

[Ethan]

Indeed, as are you, my lady Irene, for my presence hath brought itself upon you, as a dove alighting on a branch.

[Irene]

I fear you may be mistaken my King, for thou's post comes before mine, in a most elegant manner that I cannot rival but shall surpass in sequence.

(You were tagged as King right? I know someone and I were tagged as Marchionesses)

[Ethan]

(Yeah, I was king for a while. i didn't think people remembered that. Still not sure why they chose me...)

forsooth, milady, you are yet wrong this night. I am indeed to your front, and mine speech is but a trifle, a toy for children in compare to yours. It pales, as the moon doth to the sun.

[Ethan]

(BTW, I did some editing on my story, can I send it to you?)

[Irene]

((Haha, you and Elevetha :) And sure, you can email it to me to the address that you should be able to see on my profile (if you write in Word and want me to make comments on the actual draft) or you could also just PM it to me.))

I beg to differ quite respectfully in presence of those gathered 'round. My words so cometh after your elegance, so bright it shows all perfection and flaw in that it touches with a gentle grace.

[Elevetha]

Irene wrote: "I fear you may be mistaken my King, for thou's post comes before mine, in a most elegant manner that I cannot rival but shall surpass in sequence.

(You were tagged as King right? I know someone a..."


Hmm. I think Jo was the other Marchioness.

[Ethan]

As evidenced in the writings above, You can clearly see that your writings make mine appear to be mere scribblings, appearing to you as the caveman did to homo sapiens, poorly thought and clumsily worded. This is clearly shown in that you improve on mine works of the language simply by looking at it, showing me all the flaws that beith in that selfsame writing.

[Ethan]

(will do.)

[Irene]

Elevetha wrote: "Irene wrote: "I fear you may be mistaken my King, for thou's post comes before mine, in a most elegant manner that I cannot rival but shall surpass in sequence.

(You were tagged as King right? I ..."

Elevetha! How are you???

Ethan wrote: "As evidenced in the writings above, You can clearly see that your writings make mine appear to be mere scribblings, appearing to you as the caveman did to homo sapiens, poorly thought and clumsily ..."

Thou give thyself no grace for which thou so aptly deserve in writings of eloquence that are so sweet that when presented to the tigers of the forest they raise their bellies to thy hand. To holdeth so clearly the future seen by this thread in careful hand, predicts the victor who holds the cleanest advanced words without mar for the hours in which the globe we habit rotates full turn.

[Ethan]

Why of course I give mineself no grace, for I deserveth not said grace. I cannot begin to accept anything of the sort when I do not deserve anything of the like. I can only take knee to the eloquence of thy toungue, which flow'st as the river doth over the rocks, undisturbed and peaceful. yet at the same time, it can be turned and become fearsome in the wake of a recent rain, so too your words can be fearsome or peaceful, and it is indeed a marvel to behold, to see one with such command of the language boggles the mind.

[Elevetha]

Irene wrote: "Elevetha wrote: "Irene wrote: "I fear you may be mistaken my King, for thou's post comes before mine, in a most elegant manner that I cannot rival but shall surpass in sequence.

(You were tagged..."

I'm doing excellently, Irene! And you?

[Irene]

@Elevetha: Great! I am fabulous, thank-you for asking :)


@Ethan: Why doth thou deny thy grace that thy deserves, a grace that drapes so beautifully over thy from and out thy lips it appears as one with thyself. A great complement thou bestows on one so young and unworthy at such a great art that thy is great master of. So far and eloquent that thine is exempt from customs of the land thine's feet gently trod with all respect for that which lies not only around but beneath thine careful step, exemption earned so deservingly though thine's grace and elegance but even if a dove of peace were to bring it thou would not accept it.

[Ethan]

@Irene: because it's true.

[Irene]

Really? You ended the nice brain taxing sentences we had going?

It's okay though, seriously :)

[Ethan]

I got tired of you know, thinking of stuff.

[Irene]

True, I was about to have to say I quit, I can only go so far even if I am in the mood to be lyrical.

Nothin' much, life is quite nice :) YOu?

[johanna (jo), soliloquist.]

Ethan wrote: "Why of course I give mineself no grace, for I deserveth not said grace. I cannot begin to accept anything of the sort when I do not deserve anything of the like. I can only take knee to the eloquen..."

OH I HAVE MISSED THIS.

[johanna (jo), soliloquist.]

Elevetha wrote: "Irene wrote: "I fear you may be mistaken my King, for thou's post comes before mine, in a most elegant manner that I cannot rival but shall surpass in sequence.

(You were tagged as King right? I ..."

Yup, I'm the other Marchioness. :)

[Irene]

Haha :)

[Irene]

❄ sʜᴀʜᴅɪᴀ ❄ ʰᵉʳᵉ ᶦ ˢᵗᵃᶰᵈ ᵃᶰᵈ ʰᵉʳᵉ ᶦ ˢᵗᵃʸ ❄ wrote: "Irene wrote: "True, I was about to have to say I quit, I can only go so far even if I am in the mood to be lyrical.

Nothin' much, life is quite nice :) YOu?"

I'm better than I was yesterday..."

Well that's good! Better is always good :)

[Ethan]

I'm doing alright. just trying to figure out a cover of "Chasing cars" that I'm arranging.

[Ethan]

for guitar, that is.

[Emily]

Sigh, was so close at T.T

[Ethan]

you were so close just now but I'm going to win.

[Theodosia of the Fathomless Hall]

....Which is why I'm glad I checked this thread out.

[johanna (jo), soliloquist.]

.

[Emily]

oh yeah.
book just went on pre-order ;)
though i have an uni assessment due on friday... which is going to be interesting.
but i'm going out tonight and tomorrow night for surprises for my sister's birthday next week!!


but still have that assessment.
and i'm going to help her at her tafe tomorrow...


but I still need to do that assessment..


and editing???


ah shit.

[[deleted user]]

:)

[Irene]

❄ sʜᴀʜᴅɪᴀ ❄ ᵃᶫᶫ ᵒᶠ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᶠᶫᵃʷˢ ᵃᶰᵈ ᵃᶫᶫ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ᶠᶫᵃʷˢ ❄ wrote: "Irene wrote: "❄ sʜᴀʜᴅɪᴀ ❄ ʰᵉʳᵉ ᶦ ˢᵗᵃᶰᵈ ᵃᶰᵈ ʰᵉʳᵉ ᶦ ˢᵗᵃʸ ❄ wrote: "Irene wrote: "True, I was about to have to say I quit, I can only go so far even if I am in the mood to be lyrical.

Nothin' much, ..."

Aw, sorry to hear that, was it like a stomach bug sort of thing? A guy I know at work has been really bad sick and he came in yesterday and our supervisor took one look at him and told him to go home...I just hope I don't get what he had because it has been going around.

[Emily]

procrastinating work...
i REALLY need to do that.