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General Fuckery > A Sneeze is a sneeze is a sneeze is an orgasm/Heidi explains an orgasm to a 9 year old

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message 1: by Jaimie (new)

Jaimie (jez476) | 664 comments Ok. So this guy I work with says that sneezing feels good. The rest of us at work thinks he's crazy. To me sneezing is just sneezing. You're thoughts?


message 2: by Gus (new)

Gus Sanchez (gussanchez) I'm a rapid-fire sneezer; it's ACHOO ACHOO ACHOO ACHOO ACHOO for me, and, no, it doesn't feel good. It doesn't help that my sneezing is loud enough to wake the dead on the other side of the globe.


message 3: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Sneezing is cathartic (sp?). But I wouldn't say it feels good.

Dainty sneezes sound weird to me. Like they're not really sneezes.


message 4: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments There are some funny sneezes out there.


message 5: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 4034 comments Sometimes it feels good to let it out but it doesn't actually feel good. I remember in this book

Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle

they try to describe an orgasm like when you need to sneeze and finally do. hrmph.


message 6: by [deleted user] (new)

Sneezing does nothing for me.


message 7: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 4034 comments I think they were trying to relate it to something a kid had experienced but yeah, pretty weak.


message 8: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments Barb wrote: "Gretchen wrote: "I remember in this book they try to describe an orgasm like when you need to sneeze and finally do. hrmph."

I would say that only someone who'd never had an orgasm would claim t..."


Well, if it's a children's book they were probably thinking that they shouldn't make it sound like too much fun.


message 9: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments I think we should all describe orgasms now. How would you describe an orgasm to, say, a nine year old?

(I'm not entirely sure why you'd want to, but hey, apparently it's in books...)


message 10: by janine (new)

janine | 7715 comments my sneezes are extremely loud (maybe me and gus can wake all the dead on the planet, if we both do one side of the globe), but i never hold them in, which makes for great moments in echoy spaces. sneezing doesn't feel good necessarily, but it's better than feeling you have to sneeze and nothing comes.


message 11: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Now I'm assuming all the descriptions of sneezes are equivocal to the posters' orgasms.


message 12: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments RandomAnthony wrote: "Now I'm assuming all the descriptions of sneezes are equivocal to the posters' orgasms."

Oh, I hate to say this, but I can't resist, and it seems related. The other guitarist in my band has an ex-girlfriend who has long been working on a theory that musicians play their instruments in a way that correlates directly with how they are in bed. Our research seems to bear this out.


message 13: by Jaimie (new)

Jaimie (jez476) | 664 comments Sarah Pi wrote: "RandomAnthony wrote: "Now I'm assuming all the descriptions of sneezes are equivocal to the posters' orgasms."

Oh, I hate to say this, but I can't resist, and it seems related. The other guitarist..."


I just read this thread to my friend who is a singer in a band. The first thing she says is how her drummer pounds his drums really hard. She hasn't slept with him, though.


message 14: by Gus (new)

Gus Sanchez (gussanchez) Do continue, Sarah. This seems like an interesting theory. I would assume that if a drummer plays his drums like they're all over the place, all arms and movement, then he's probably a grabby fucker in bed, no?


message 15: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments Right. And then there are people who play all laid back and cool, and people who play with a lot of intensity, and...


message 16: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments

Por ejemplo.


message 17: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments It's a fun theory to play with at shows.


message 18: by Gus (new)

Gus Sanchez (gussanchez) Then call me the John Bonham of sex: steady on the beat, yet loud and insistent.


message 19: by Jaimie (new)

Jaimie (jez476) | 664 comments I'm more of a Steven Tyler: screaming unintelligible things. :-)


message 20: by Gus (new)

Gus Sanchez (gussanchez) Jaimie, do you also sport unsightly scarves?


message 21: by Kevin (new)

Kevin  (ksprink) | 11469 comments i love sneezing. i hold my nose so it is more of an implosion. i know, it may be damaging but so is eating sweet n low but i do that too


message 22: by Jaimie (new)

Jaimie (jez476) | 664 comments Gus wrote: "Jaimie, do you also sport unsightly scarves?"

Only when I'm washing my face at night so I can pull back my hair.


message 23: by Heidi (last edited Apr 27, 2010 05:05PM) (new)

Heidi (heidihooo) | 10825 comments RandomAnthony wrote: "I think we should all describe orgasms now. How would you describe an orgasm to, say, a nine year old?

(I'm not entirely sure why you'd want to, but hey, apparently it's in books...)"



I'd say it's like being in the car for a really, REALLY long road trip... and needing to pee very badly. And there aren't any places to stop... so you're watching and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting... AND OMG, your vision's starting to go blurry and it HURTS to hold it... and it would be just SO EASY to just pee in your pants, but you won't do it! And OH!!! WHAT'S THAT?!!! WHAT'S THAT YOU SEE UP AHEAD? Is it a MIRAGE?!!! NOOOO!!! SWEET JESUS, it's really there! It's a pharmacy on the side of the road!!! BATHROOM!!! FINALLY!!! And you run in there as fast as you can without dribbling down your pants leg... And it's sparkling CLEAN!!! OMG! You get behind the door to the bathroom, lock it, jiggling and jumping around... as you undo your pants, squeezing your eyes shut really tight so you can concentrate and keep any from dribbling while you're almost ready to go... and you finally get to pee. FINALLY. Shudder. Sweet relief. :)

THAT's what it feels like.


message 24: by Heidi (new)

Heidi (heidihooo) | 10825 comments p.s. I love this thread title. :)


message 25: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Wow! Heidi totally rose to the occasion. Excellent job, Little Rock...


message 26: by Heidi (last edited Apr 27, 2010 05:20PM) (new)

Heidi (heidihooo) | 10825 comments Thankies!


message 27: by Phil (new)

Phil | 11669 comments The thread may have moved on from this, but I wanted to say that I love a good sneeze. I totally let them rip, as loud as they want. Afterward, the upper part of my chest tingles and seems to be completely clear for a short time.

Not at all an orgasm, but a good sensation on its own.


message 28: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 4034 comments Now I have to pee.


message 29: by Heidi (new)

Heidi (heidihooo) | 10825 comments Gretchen wrote: "Now I have to pee."

Ha hahahaha!!! :)


message 30: by Cambridge (new)

Cambridge (hsquare) | 509 comments Wow Heidi I need a cigarette :) I can only imagine if she was describing it to a 19 year old *is it hot in here? :) *


message 31: by Gus (new)

Gus Sanchez (gussanchez) Gawd, I love the fuck out of Heidi.


message 32: by Heidi (last edited Apr 27, 2010 09:31PM) (new)

Heidi (heidihooo) | 10825 comments Cambridge wrote: "Wow Heidi I need a cigarette :) I can only imagine if she was describing it to a 19 year old *is it hot in here? :) *"

Actually, I kind of did that by accident once. Gus swore it was written as a euphemism when he read the original post (elsewhere), but it really wasn't. My mind doesn't work like that. In fact, I'm pretty sure I was embarrassed when I realized it could've been a euphemism. I was just assigned the task of writing about bologna... so I did. And I had fun with it. I just let my imagination take over as I wrote it. :)

Anyway, I could see this working for a 19 year old.

Midnight Snack (An Ode to Bologna).


message 33: by [deleted user] (new)

Gus wrote: "I'm a rapid-fire sneezer; it's ACHOO ACHOO ACHOO ACHOO ACHOO for me, and, no, it doesn't feel good. It doesn't help that my sneezing is loud enough to wake the dead on the other side of the globe."

Yeah thanks Gus I was trying to sleep!!!(on the other side of the globe)


message 34: by [deleted user] (new)

Ohhhhh God Heidi. Peeing has just taken on a whole new meaning. I laughed so much it made me want ....................!!!!!!!!


message 35: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17337 comments Mod
I love a good sneeze. Sometimes more than orgasms.


message 36: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17337 comments Mod
Heidi wrote: "...sweet relief."

One of my final days at school - Wednesday - during conferences with my students I had to hold my pee for about an hour and a half. There was just no way round it, what with how long it takes a pregnant lady to waddle down the hall, down the staircase, around the corner, back down the hall, etc.
So when I finished with the last student and was able to go...

oh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

The memory of that blissful pee probably DOES go right up there with my first true orgasm and yesterday's sneezes.


message 37: by Gus (new)

Gus Sanchez (gussanchez) Sorry, Gail.


message 38: by Kevin (new)

Kevin  (ksprink) | 11469 comments what if you pee in your pants? not that that has ever happened.......


message 39: by [deleted user] (new)

Gus you almost sound sincere. Apology accepted.


message 40: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17337 comments Mod
Kevin "El Liso Grande" wrote: "what if you pee in your pants? not that that has ever happened......."

Something worse happened to me in the 1st trimester...


message 41: by [deleted user] (new)

Pregnancy has the most amazing impact on your body. Positives & negatives. I am imagining terrible things. I hope you managed to survive with your dignity intact.....


message 42: by smetchie (last edited Apr 28, 2010 05:49PM) (new)

smetchie | 4034 comments Something worse happened to me in the 4th trimester.


message 43: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) Hey Gus, look what I spotted in Tucson last night:

http://maps.google.com/maps?client=sa...


message 44: by [deleted user] (new)

Was your dignity left in tact Gretchen?


message 45: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 4034 comments Yeah, my dignity is alright. Thanks for asking, Gail.


message 46: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17337 comments Mod
Mine's not. *sniff*


message 47: by Kevin (new)

Kevin  (ksprink) | 11469 comments oopsie


message 48: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 4034 comments hahhaa! This thread title is funny.


message 49: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments Back to sneezes for a sec. When my dog sneezes, it's usually several in succession. He gets a really funny sneeze face, and he sneezes so exuberantly he hits his face on the floor. I usually throw something soft in front of him quickly so he won't hurt himself. Then we crack up, because it's really, really funny.


message 50: by smetchie (last edited Apr 29, 2010 08:01AM) (new)

smetchie | 4034 comments hahha! That's awesome.


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