Need help with American English!

[T.J.]

Hi everyone, I'm a British author, and I've had a few comments that my American characters' dialogue sometimes sounds British too. I'm looking for someone prepared to read my e-book and translate any English American into American American. I believe that on a Kindle you could do that as you read without too much hassle. I can't offer a fee, but I can offer a credit in the Acknowledgements as and when it is published conventionally(should be later this year)plus a signed copy of the first edition. Tim
Final Passage

[M.L.]

Tim,

Why not post a short dialogue passage here so we can all take a look at it? (Give us a little background to your American speakers if the passage isn't clear about them.) Your fix may be as simple as using a few contractions.

Mari

[Pat]

M.L. wrote: "... Give us a little background to your American speakers if the passage isn't clear about them..."

As Mari says, Tim, this is vital. As I'm sure you'd appreciate, there isn't a single way in which Americans speak, anymore than there is the British (I'm talking more than dialect here), so knowing who the characters are would be vital.

[T.J.]

Pat wrote: "M.L. wrote: "... Give us a little background to your American speakers if the passage isn't clear about them..."

As Mari says, Tim, this is vital. As I'm sure you'd appreciate, there isn't a singl..."

Thanks for that Mari and ML, and here is a sample. Kravitz and Rasines are US corporate raiders. The narrator is the British target of their intentions.

We listened while Kravitz talked.
I had sat up late the previous night mugging up the file on KRZ. The firm had come from nowhere, and expanded rapidly to become the fifth largest media and communications group in the US, and therefore the seventh largest group in the world. Kravitz was the founder.
These were serious players.
There was a noise outside.
‘You betcha. Ha ha ha!’ We all raised our heads at the sound of the loud American voice, and laughter. ‘There’s Joe now,’ said Kravitz. ‘Sounds like he enjoyed his tour.’ The door opened and Kim ushered in Kravitz’s partner, Joe Rasines.
He was quite a contrast: tall, powerful, but with the well-controlled movements of an athlete, a boxer perhaps. He took off his jacket, which instantly confirmed his bodybuilding credentials. He looked like a commando who had borrowed a Wall Street banker’s suit.
‘That Kim, she’s just your PA? She ought to be your head of client services. What a girl. Wow.’
‘She’s a great asset,’ I said.
‘Great assets, I’ll say,’ boomed Rasines. ‘She was telling me about your staff parties, and away-days. The time when you won the green mouthwash account and all sixty of you took the train to Paris for lunch. Sounds like you have some serious fun and games here.’
Kravitz seemed unfazed by Rasines’ boisterous entry. We all waited while Rasines settled himself at the table. He helped himself to coffee and took a biscuit.
‘Well?’ Rasines said finally, through a mouthful of biscuit. ‘Why are we all here? Tell us your sad story.’
I explained the office move, the financial mistakes, the lost account, and the cash crisis. Rasines ate the biscuits, one after the other. He didn’t appear to be interested. Kravitz made notes.
Suddenly Rasines pointed at the wall opposite him. ‘Say, is that your sailboat?’
‘Yes,’ I replied. ‘Quicksilver IV. Are you a yachtsman?’
‘No, but my daughter Pippa is. She crews on all these superyachts. But yours is the kind of boat she prefers. Fast. Like her.’ He laughed at his own joke. I glanced at Kravitz. He showed no impatience with his partner’s boorish behaviour.
‘Fast she is,’ I agreed.
‘Pippa? How would you know?’
‘No. I meant the boat. Very light displacement for her size.’
‘Unlike your Kim.’ Rasines laughed again. The sound boomed off the walls. Eventually his laughter subsided into a chuckle.
‘Can we get back to the business at hand?’ said Kravitz. ‘Joe, the picture I’m getting is an entrepreneur who went for growth, a go-getter, good at advertising, lousy at controlling a business, didn’t listen to wise counsel from his money man here and got over-extended. Then he loses his key account, that brings him to the edge and he calls us.’
Rasines had looked delighted with himself. ‘Shafted by those bankers. Sounds like he was made to fall into our hands, Jordan …’

[Amanda]

Overall I don't think I'd call their dialogue all that British. I will make the point that most Americans do automatically use conjunctions though. Rather than 'I would' it would usually be 'I'd".

‘Unlike your Kim.’ would also be 'unlike Kim' I suppose it's easiest to say American dialogue tries to simplify the statement.

[T.J.]

Amanda wrote: "Overall I don't think I'd call their dialogue all that British. I will make the point that most Americans do automatically use conjunctions though. Rather than 'I would' it would usually be 'I'd". ..."

Thanks Amanda for that, I appreciate it! Tim

[Amanda]

Timothy wrote: "Amanda wrote: "Overall I don't think I'd call their dialogue all that British. I will make the point that most Americans do automatically use conjunctions though. Rather than 'I would' it would usu..."

Your welcome :) I hope it helps.

[M.L.]

We listened while Kravitz talked.

I had sat up late the previous night mugging up the file on KRZ. The firm had come from nowhere, and expanded rapidly to become the fifth largest media and communications group in the US, and therefore the seventh largest group in the world. Kravitz was the founder.

These were serious players.

‘You betcha. Ha ha ha!’ We all raised our heads at the sound of the loud American voice, and laughter, outside the door.

‘There’s Joe now,’ said Kravitz. ‘Sounds like he enjoyed his tour.’

The door opened and Kim ushered in Kravitz’s partner, Joe Rasines. He was quite a contrast: tall, powerful, but with the well-controlled movements of an athlete, a boxer perhaps. He took off his jacket, which instantly confirmed his bodybuilding credentials. He looked like a commando who had borrowed a Wall Street banker’s suit.

‘That Kim, she’s just your PA? She ought to be running client services. What a girl.’

‘She’s a great asset,’ I said.

‘Great assets, all right,’ boomed Rasines. ‘She was telling me about your staff parties, and away-days. The time when you won the green mouthwash account and all sixty of you took the train to Paris for lunch. Sounds like you have some serious fun and games here.’

Kravitz seemed unfazed by Rasines’ boisterous entry. We all waited while Rasines settled himself at the table. He helped himself to coffee and took a biscuit.

‘Well?’ Rasines said finally, through a mouthful of biscuit. ‘Why're we all here? What's your sob story?’

I explained the office move, the financial mistakes, the lost account, and the cash crisis. Rasines ate the biscuits, one after the other. He didn’t appear interested. Kravitz made notes.

Suddenly Rasines pointed at the wall opposite him. ‘Hey, that your sailboat?’

‘Yes,’ I replied. ‘Quicksilver IV. Are you a yachtsman?’

‘No, that's my daughter Pippa. She crews on all these superyachts. But yours is the kind of boat she prefers. Fast. Like her.’ He laughed at his own joke.

I glanced at Kravitz. He showed no impatience with his partner’s boorish behaviour.

‘Fast she is,’ I agreed.

‘Who? Pippa? How would you know?’

‘No. I meant the boat. Very light displacement for her size.’

‘Unlike your Kim.’ Rasines laughed again. The sound boomed off the walls. Eventually his laughter subsided into a chuckle.

‘Can we get back to the business at hand?’ said Kravitz. ‘Joe, the picture I’m getting is an entrepreneur who went for growth, a go-getter, good at advertising, lousy at business, didn’t listen to wise counsel from his money man here and over-extended. Then he loses his key account and he calls us.’

Rasines looked delighted with himself. ‘Shafted by bankers. Sounds like he was made to fall into our hands, Jordan …’

Well, there's my take, right or wrong. Hope it helps some.

Mari

[T.J.]

M.L. wrote: "We listened while Kravitz talked.

I had sat up late the previous night mugging up the file on KRZ. The firm had come from nowhere, and expanded rapidly to become the fifth largest media and commun..."

M.L. wrote: "We listened while Kravitz talked.

I had sat up late the previous night mugging up the file on KRZ. The firm had come from nowhere, and expanded rapidly to become the fifth largest media and commun..."
Mari, Yes, a big help. Thanks for taking the time, I really appreciate it. Tim