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message 1551:
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Pamela(AllHoney), Fairy Godmother
(new)
May 24, 2013 12:17PM
Ah, NO!
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Teenager's are an entirely new kind of fun! My son has been a very interesting teen, but I do dread my 10 year old daughter becoming a teen.
I think during that time, my son disappeared into his room finally emerging a few years later.
I already know I'm gonna need lots and lots of prayer!
Imagine yourself in a room of twenty plus of them.
Patience...Choose your battles carefully. Some things aren't worth the argument, some things are.
Oh, I learned that long ago lol Patience I have plenty of.
Patience? what's that? lol
Well, some people consider it a virtue. The dictionary says patience is "The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset."
I can't remember the last time I was really upset by a student, or was really angry with them. I MUST be patient lol But that doesn't mean I don't get tired out by them. Or that they don't give me headaches ;)
We did foster care for a while an I had teenage girls. They came with a lot of baggage so it was a chore to stay patient.
Oh yeah. Plus, kids are different at school than they are at home. It's a whole different kind of relationship. It's always interesting to see how they change from teacher to teacher too.
Kids are a challenge, always...so are spouses and pets! But ALL of them are worth the effort it takes to nurture and guide them in the right direction. Then...ultimately, the choice is theirs.
Agreed. They are very worth the time and effort.
I know I must let her make her own choices but I don't wanna! WAAHHHH! My baby is growing up **sob**
That's where you pick & choose your battles, Pamela. You do have to let her make her own choices...it's part of growing up. You just gently nudge/guide her - Unless it's a hard limit for you...then you draw the line! If you tell her everything to do, she'll resent you for it. I believe teenagers (and kids of all ages) want & need to know what the limits, expectations, and boundaries are and that you love them enough to enforce them. Sometimes they'll hate you but most of the time they'll love you for it. Parenting is one of life's greatest challenges and rewards!
Love that age and hate that age...Their view of the world changes daily and it is so interesting to see it through their eyes. Their observations always shatter your preconceptions.. Mine, for some reason developed a very stubborn streak which was the beginning of wing testing..It had to be broken for their own good a painful but necessary step.
So true, Sunny. My son pushed me almost daily during that time but he never went to bed without telling me (and I him) that he loved me. Limits - pushing, bending, standing strong - that's what it's all about. You just have to "be" there for them and let them know it. They won't always like you but they'll always love you for it.
Sometimes my son stomps off because I'm SO UNFAIR but comes out at bedtime and asks to cuddle with me. <3
LOL they're very forgiving. You poor parents. I hate watching my students grow up in some ways, so I get you to a certain degree. Here's the thing though. I'm a child without children of my own. My parents still see me as a baby (how they do this when I'm 32 I'll never understand until I'm parent myself) and I think the most frustrating thing from a child's point of view is that we need to be own person, and feeling that a parent doesn't accept who that person is, or is disappointed in some way is really heart breaking. And that feeling can start young. Parents are our safe haven. Let them test the waters a little, let them know you're a life line without tugging constantly at that line. They'll respect you more for it in the end I think. They'll know where to go if they're really hurt or in trouble.
It's not easy Pamela, you've spent all this time keeping them safe and taking care of everything and now you're supposed to give them freedom to grow? Kind of a contradiction to what your used to I know. It took a while for my son and I to find the right balance, and we are still working on it and probably always will be. He's my firstborn and will always be MY baby boy.
My biggest problem is that she thinks she is already an adult and needs NO guidance from us adults at all. And its not always her I don't trust. There are a lot of sick people out there in the world. Maybe I'm too protective but the thought of her getting out there and driving and dating and all that terrifies me.
Well, every teenager thinks they know EVERYTHING. That's pretty normal I think. I think maybe you have to be like an elastic--stretch a little at times, then snap back at others. Driving isn't too a huge deal I don't think. As long as there are boundaries with the car for her, and rules for her to follow when others are driving. Like, absolutely NO driving with anyone that is impaired. Or might be impaired. Snap the rubber band on that one. Dating...parents always freak out about dating. My parents made up this rule where I wasn't allowed to date till I was 16. So stupid. I had a boyfriend when I was 15. You think they'd have wanted to know? All that rule did was make me lie. Not that we dated for long, anyway. But the thing is, I dated a guy I didn't like for a bit simply because I wasn't allowed to. If I'd been allowed to date, I probably would have pointed out the curve for him first thing cuz he was a skeeve. Now, my sister in law's parents were smarter. When their 15 old daughter had a boyfriend, they were really uncomfortable. But they didn't want to her to sneak around so they made her introduce him to them and that way they at least who he was, something about his family, etc. She's married to him now, with two kids.
Act cool. Even if you don't feel it. Ask yourself the question, what would I have wanted when I was that age? Put yourself in her shoes. And don't be too hard on yourself, it's your job to want to keep her safe.
Another thing I made sure of was that I knew who my son's friends were. I opened our home to all of them and gave them their space when they came over. If they feel comfortable at your home, they'll spend a lot more time there and then...in turn, you know what your child is doing and who he/she is doing it with! Yeah, it costs a few snacks or dinner once in awhile, but it is so worth it.
Yes, smart but I'm in a rural area and not easy for her friends to visit. I do allow her to have friends overnight and try to let her have a friend over when we do certain things. I'll even go get her friends and take them to the movies occasionally.
Pamela(AllHoney) wrote: "My biggest problem is that she thinks she is already an adult and needs NO guidance from us adults at all."I remember feeling that way as a teen. It is part of the job requirement. ☺
It sounds like you are doing everything right, Pamela. Relax and enjoy the ride...it is so worth it. And, although it doesn't feel like it at the time, it is over so bloomin' fast. You turn around and boom...they are graduating high school!
Giulia~Bubbles wrote: "My parents made up this rule where I wasn't allowed to date till I was 16. So stupid."My parents wouldn't let me date until I was 16, either. I wasn't much on lying, but man-oh-man could I get around things. I just went to the my church and joined in the activities there with the youth group. Let me tell you, some of those young men did NOT wear halos.
I first date was when I was 18 and getting ready to graduate high school. My senior prom. lol
I don't consider myself a teenager that caused grief for my parents. Even if I wanted to, I was too damn scared of them. They are traditional and very strict. They won't take any crap from a teenager who thinks she knows more than them. So I went out of my way to stay out of trouble and all that jazz. Actually worked out for me because I didn't have to deal with so much drama like some of my peers.
Leslie, I always followed all my parents rules too. Aside from dating that one guy for a bit, I was also too afraid of breaking the rules. And I thought if I showed them I was level headed and responsible they'd ease up on me. Didn't work. I was never cut any slack, even at prom. To this day my friends comment on how strict my parents were. To be honest, I resent my parents for it because I missed out on a lot of life experience--high school dances, camping for a weekend with friends, house parties, dating, and because it took me a lot longer to learn to make my own decisions, and not ones that I knew my parents would approve of or be happy with. I'm 32and I still resent them for how they treated me in high school. They're great parents, the best in a lot of ways, but I do wish they hadn't been so terrified of the world and had let me live a little.
I was a reader so when I was a teen I really did stay out of trouble. But my darling daughter is nothing like me. She will make a great lawyer someday. She can argue with a rock.
I was a "good girl." Of course, my mother would disagree with about two or three of those teenage years. And she, unfortunately, was going through menopause at the time. Not a good combination. My poor, suffering father! LOL! Two hormonal women.
Do tell Lisa Kay, what naughty things did you do? ;)
Giulia you and I should get together to expound on the resentment we harbor for our loving, but strict parents. Lol You basically summarized my teen years, hell even my early 20s lolThey were so worried about me being like the other girls here, they monitored what I did and wore. And they always would give the reason that this isn't like how it is back in the Philippines when they grew up. They were always worried about something happening to me. I understand, but their overuse of that reason/excuse just got to me. Had to work hard to keep from rolling my eyes in their presence.
My lips, unlike they were then, are sealed.
Leslie wrote: "Giulia you and I should get together to expound on the resentment we harbor for our loving, but strict parents. Lol You basically summarized my teen years, hell even my early 20s lolThey were so ..."
We should get together as it continued into my 20s as well! Same reason too, in Italy nice girls didn't behave like this blah blah blah.
My parents never gave me rules for dating. On my 13th birthday my dad installed a huge floodlight that shone on the driveway near the entrance door.I didn't think a thing about it for a almost a year, then I understood. My parents told me that they would always wait up for me when I was out because they loved me and worried about my safety.
As soon as the date drove into the driveway that floodlight went on. That told me that my parents were indeed up and waiting and secondly, if he kissed me goodnight they would see.
This went on for years and years until once or twice that light did not go on. This told me that my parents approved the time I was getting back and they approved the boy I was with...silent communication works best sometimes.
I agree sunny. They were keeping on eye on you, but not smothering you with rules and expectations. And I think it shows that they willing to trust in your judgement. I wish my parents had demonstrated that.
My parents were pretty laid back, we had rules but we were allowed to spread our wings a bit. I think because we did have a bit more leniency that we weren't wild and crazy like some of our friends who's parents were stricter.
I tried being honest with my parents, but when that didn't work...
You were lucky Sunny. Like Giulia said they looked out for you, but didn't smother you. They actually showed some trust in you.Any of your parents used the oldie, but goodie line: I trust you, it's them I don't trust....or some variation of it?
Mine did, all the time. Still upsets me to think about it. I didn't feel trusted at all. I felt like I had no say in anything at all. That what I wanted didn't matter. It was just small stuff. My mother wouldn't let me go to my friend's sweet sixteen because it was at Kelsey's, a restaurant that served alcohol. I still think that was over the top.
Yea lol They were always worried something was going to happen. But fortunately they did back off a little come my senior year. And it was definitely bad before I hit 8th grade. Before then, nada!Ok maybe I should stop venting about my folks here. Lol
My parents remained strict all throughout high school. I just hope if I have kids I can find a happy balance of watching out for them without making them feeling like they aren't trusted or smothered.
Lol funny, but one of the reasons I don't want to have kids is because I'm afraid that I'll become my parents. And I don't want to do that to them.
LMBO No, I think what we went through might make us better listeners for our kids. Part my frustration was that my mom never explained her reasoning outside of that we don't trust other people thing. She came up with silly excuses for me not to do things. Like the restaurant serving liquor. I never bought that reasoning lol I think if she had a legitimate reason, then maybe now I wouldn't resent some of that stuff still. I'm not saying parents have to explain all their reasons and thinking to their kids. Sometimes no is just no. But sometimes communication might be useful. Even that silent communication like sunny's parents. Again, happy balance.
Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I'm in no hurry to pop a kid out anytime soon. Lol
LOL You have no idea how much that made me laugh.
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