I hate that I can't take a dump in my office bathroom in peace

[[deleted user]]

My department shares the floor with an investment bank. You know, yuppie asshats who jerk themselves off to Mad Money with Jim Cramer and endlessly twiddle their CrackBerrys.

And if it isn't these choads slavishly checking their e-mail while dropping some friends off at the pool on their CrackBerrys, they're drooling over today's copy of the Wall Street Journal. I swear I can hear the sound of hand chafing cock.

If I see another left-behind copy of the motherfucking Wall Street Journal in the bathroom stall at work, I'm going to murder someone. Would it be too hard to leave perhaps something more interesting to read, like maybe Time or Newsweek. Hell, Juggs will do nicely.

And speaking of circle jerking, I hate that Mr. I-Hate-Homos-Even-Though-I-Are-One Senator Larry Craig ruined the simple pleasure of pinching a loaf for the entire population. I have a wide stance. I tap my feet when I'm dropping a deuce. Now I have to worry that Investment Banker Boy in the stall next to mine thinks I want to plop him in the shitter.

[Lori]

HAHAHA! Yeah, I do feel for you guys who want to move their feet a bit. I never heard the phrase "pinching a loaf" - niiiiiiice. Altho it makes it sound like hard work, ahem. Perhaps some Metamucil is in order?

[Reads with Scotch]

bacon wraped dates, MMMM makes the poopie fly too.

[[deleted user]]

No, I don't need Metamucil. My plumbing works fine.

[Reads with Scotch]

ok, but you should still try bacon wraped dates.

[Heidi]

Gus, I've heard this rant from you before. I feel for you, buddy. This must be a pretty touchy subject for you.

[[deleted user]]

It is, especially when that double-chicken burrito from Johnny Burrito's getting ready to launch its' way out of me.

[Heidi]

TMI, Gus.

[[deleted user]]

I've never eaten at a TMI. I don't think they have them here.

[Heidi]

You = SmartAss (pun intended)

[[deleted user]]

Huh? I didn't understand a word you said.

[Not Bill]

Vicki...you are soooooooooooo wrong there. A healthy mouthful is just a good starter...heh heh.

[Charissa]

perhaps, Gus, you should use the bathroom instead of trying to crap in the corner of your office. Just sayin.

[[deleted user]]

If things don't change in the bathroom, I may be forced to squeeze a loaf in the corner of my office.

[Not Bill]

I dunno Char...that corner has always worked for me. Here's a question: why is it called taking a dump? Does anyone ever actually take one? I've always been too afraid, so I just leave one instead.

[Charissa]

:::avoids corner studiously::::