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[C. J., Cool yet firm like ice]

Sounds good to me too, Garrison. :)

[Billie Jo]

Hello lovely people. I haven't post in this chat area yet, I don't think. I usually post in poems or short stories. But I saw Garrison's post about being burnt out, and I figured I'd tell ya about something too.. I am mentally exhausted. Not from writing poems or anything, but from my life. And I hate to say it, but my family (particularly my mom and sister and older bother) are very toxic people. They make me the most stressed.

I bought a house in Tennessee, where I'm from, nextdoor to my parents. The reason being, my sister is a bit disabled and soon (2021) i will be moving to a different state with my boyfriend, so i bought the house for her to have support nextdoor when I'm gone. I was hoping I'd be able to stick it out and live with my sister until i move with my boyfriend, of 2 years. However, they get mad at small things and say horrible things and always team up on me.

I used to be the kind of push over that did anything they said or asked, but now I am disabled as well (sciatica, back problems, blood clots, migraines etc) and I can't do as much so I am focusing on my health and telling them no to things they ask of me... this makes them angry and lash out and its exhausting...well I can't take it anymore and I don't want to live in the same house as my sister, next to my mom, anymore. I don't know what to do.

I had a panic attack last night and my friend called me and calmed me down, as I was completely alone and couldn't calm down... It's getting bad.

A few friends have suggested we all move into a house together and share the cost of rent, but with my disability money, I can only afford at most 400 for my part of rent and everything is so expensive.. I'm scared if i rent another place and move, my family is going to hate me and treat me worse and I'llbe financially (excuse my language) fucked.. (I'm 23, going to college and I have to drive my sister to classes too because she cant drive). I'm hoping I can live with my friends on the days I don't have school and spend the night at my actual house (that I pay mortgage for) on the days I do to make driving to and from college easier and hopefully lessen the tension at home...but I'm also a caregiver for my sister and I get paid to take care of her (she needs help with cleaning/laundry/getting dressed, but she can walk and cook, just cant reach her feet). So I'm worried if I move out, they'll get me fired, as my mother is the person who hired me.....if you cant help talk me through ideas in my life, does anyone have any idea how to handle stress so i don't have more panic attacks???

Sorry this was so long... anything helps

[Garrison]

Billie Jo, it's awful to hear about your family treating you as badly as they do. Family is supposed to be a refuge of love and kindness, not toxicity and abuse. Distancing yourself from them seems like a good idea, but I also acknowledge how hard it is to do that. Ease into it little by little. Bottom line: you deserve happiness no matter where it comes from. I hope you're able to resolve your problems in due time. (hugs)

[Billie Jo]

Garrison wrote: "Billie Jo, it's awful to hear about your family treating you as badly as they do. Family is supposed to be a refuge of love and kindness, not toxicity and abuse. Distancing yourself from them seems..."

Thank you. I want to go up to Ohio where my boyfriend's family is and visit them, but I don't think I'll have the money for it. They are always helpful and fun and loving. They treat me the way i wished my mom treated me.

Whenever me and my friends get approved for a place, I think I'm going to sit my mom down and talk to her about distance and separation between the job and the house and school..maybe this will help.. but idk what to do about my panic attacks. They've been coming around more often and idk how to handle them. I've never had them before..

[Garrison]

I wish I had the answer to your panic attacks, but living with mental illness (in your case, anxiety) is a complicated process. I should know, because I've been a schizophrenic since 2002. In my experience, it's not one thing in particular that will get you through it all. It's a myriad of things working cohesively, whether it's medication, relaxation techniques, a good diet, or whatever. Even after all of that, there are no guarantees. But you...you'll get through this, Billie Jo. You're a brave woman.

[Billie Jo]

Garrison wrote: "I wish I had the answer to your panic attacks, but living with mental illness (in your case, anxiety) is a complicated process. I should know, because I've been a schizophrenic since 2002. In my ex..."

You just made me cry. Good tears. Thank you. I have an appointment with my doctor on the 14th, its the 11th now. So I'll bring it up and see if she has suggestions or recommendations for therapy or something. i dont want more medication as i have 5 already, so hopefully i can get help a different way. Thank you so much, Garrison. I will never forget you and this group, as long as i live. You've always made this group feel so homely and safe to me :)

[Garrison]

You're always welcome, Billie Jo. This group is one big family (the good kind, not the toxic kind). In addition to reading and critiquing each other's works, we also look out for one another. A lot of my current online friends come from this place alone. That's how much everyone here means to me. :)

[C.P., Windrunner]

I'm so sorry to hear about your stress and panic, Billie Jo. I would definitely suggest making sure you make time for things that help you relax. It can't solve your problem, but if you are at least doing some things you enjoy, it can help with your mental and emotional exhaustion somewhat. And when I have anxiety/panic attacks, it helps if I talk to myself.

[Billie Jo]

Garrison wrote: "You're always welcome, Billie Jo. This group is one big family (the good kind, not the toxic kind). In addition to reading and critiquing each other's works, we also look out for one another. A lot..."

Glad to hear :') I have enough toxic kind! Haha. Thats awesome. I keep meaning to be more active, but I use my phone to get online and it dosen't give me notifications so occasionally i forget to check things. But imma try to do better cause this site always makes me feel better. :)

[Billie Jo]

C.P. wrote: "I'm so sorry to hear about your stress and panic, Billie Jo. I would definitely suggest making sure you make time for things that help you relax. It can't solve your problem, but if you are at leas..."

I will definitely keep that in mind. School starts in a few days and I'm going for a fine arts degree and I'm REALLY excited for my drawing class! We did still life drawing last semester and this one is figures and i can't WAIT! So hopefully if things go smoothly here at home with moving out, it'll be easier to enjoy the good. And i havent even thought of that. Thank you, C.P.!

[C.P., Windrunner]

That sounds great! I hope your class goes well. It's good to study something you love.

[C. J., Cool yet firm like ice]

I'm excited for you Billie Jo about your class and hope it goes well! Also I can understand what it's like to have seemingly "toxic" members in the family (as I've learned the best things to do in those situations is temporarily get out of them and go somewhere simple like upstairs or for a walk. In your case I'd suggest walking with someone you trust just in case you have a panic attack again). I also understand anxiety (*Raises hand* Hello. Night terrors and anxiety attacks right here!) and I think what you should do is find time for yourself to either relax or have a place to talk out any of your frustrations. I felt when I had my problems I kept too much bottled inside so I hope that helps you, speaking from my experience anyway!

[C. J., Cool yet firm like ice]

Oh yeah minor update: From something I said earlier, I wondered what this new mobile "tags" and "shelf" thing was. Though it sounds like it's being one and the same it's just a feature on Goodreads mobile where you can make a tag (like how we sometimes have "dystopian" or "horror" tags to describe a book we are interested in) or make an entire new shelf.

Didn't understand for a while; I guess from this experience I must get with the times, lol!

[Billie Jo]

C. J. wrote: "I'm excited for you Billie Jo about your class and hope it goes well! Also I can understand what it's like to have seemingly "toxic" members in the family (as I've learned the best things to do in ..."

Thank you! This means a lot and i will definitely keep this all in mind in the next few days. Thank you! I always have SOMETHING bottled up. if i cant move out with my friends, imma just constantly go over to my best friends house haha. She lives in the country and we wall those roads all the time

[Garrison]

Hello, everyone. I posted this on Face Book and thought I should post it here too:


Well…just like every winter here in Washington State, we’re getting some serious snow again. It’s only a matter of time before the snow stacks up and we’re left without power. If I’m offline for a while, that’s why. My only question is, what are we going to call the blizzard this time? Snowpocalypse? Snowmageddon? Thirty-seven snow jobs? Hmm…

[C.P., Windrunner]

Good luck with the snow! I hope you aren't left without power for too long.

[Garrison]

Thanks, C.P.!

[Billie Jo]

Good luck there Garrison

and C.J., i rarely understand technology ever hahahaha

[Garrison]

The snowstorm came and went and was largely uneventful. Phew!

[Billie Jo]

That's good, Garrison! we had a really bad storm the week of Halloween last year and we had a big party on Nov 1 at 6pm the night after Halloween, and the power went out the Saturday before and came on Nov 1st at 4pm. It was crazy! We didnt have power or hot water for 6 days. We went to a friend's house for hot dinner and showers

[Garrison]

Oh my god...six days with no electricity...I'd go crazy!

[C.P., Windrunner]

Six days is a long time! My brother and his family live closer to the coast here in SC, so the deal with a lot more storms and power outages.

[Billie Jo]

Yes it was a very long time! It was dreadful. And it was cold. We had a generator and my bf was able to get another one for my parents from his work and we powered the fridge and a light but that was it. And charged our phone's.
Power outages suckkkkkkk haha

[C.P., Windrunner]

Hi, all!

My novellas and are currently free on Amazon kindle. You should be able to find them on any Amazon site.

Here is the link for the US site: https://www.amazon.com/Ferris-Wheel-S...

[Garrison]

Hi, admins. I hate to be a busybody, but when you created the short story and poetry contests for "I Am Hope", you forgot to pin them to the top of the lists so that everyone can see them. No big deal. Just an honest mistake. All I wanted was to bring that to your guys' attention. I hope everyone is keeping healthy and sane during this pandemic!

[C.P., Windrunner]

Thanks, Garrison! Will try and fix that.

[Garrison]

Excellent. :)

[C. J., Cool yet firm like ice]

Okay... a recommendation was sent to me by Goodreads. It says I'd like the book of "Genesis" because I liked the book "Mad About the Movies." Anyone get confusing recommendations from Goodreads lately, lol?

[C. J., Cool yet firm like ice]

Garrison, you're awesome. Thanks for keeping us mods and this group continuing in working order!

[Garrison]

Thanks, CJ!

[C.P., Windrunner]

It has been crazy! Hope you're well. It's been slow around here, but we're keeping on. :)

[C.P., Windrunner]

I'm glad to hear that! I'm sure three little ones keep you very busy.

[Anne]

C.P. wrote: "Hi, all!

My novellas and are currently free on Amazon kindle. You should be able to find them on any Amazon site.

Here is..."

Hi CP,
Thanks for the link. I downloaded them and read them and really enjoyed them! I was impressed with your creativity in developing these worlds and stories -- I love fantasy & wish I was nearly as creative with my writing!

[C.P., Windrunner]

Thank you so much, Anne! That really means a lot to me. I'm very glad you enjoyed them!

[Garrison]

So…after cleaning out my nonfiction folder earlier today, I just realized that I have 49 pieces left that could easily be published in a collection. American Darkness was a collection of contemporary fiction shorts and Poison Tongue Tales was a collection of sci-fi, fantasy, and horror shorts. What would a collection of nonfiction shorts be called? Granted, I still have to edit these pieces, especially since a few of the references might be dated. But it could be done. Maybe not right away since I’ve got my hands tied with Beautiful Monster, but I could very well have a collection of nonfiction shorts on my hands. But what to call it…hmm…

1. Barbaric Thoughts
2. Demon Jelly
3. Giggling Giants
4. Natural Functions

Only four ideas? Damn. Anyways, you guys know the drill by now. Which one of these four ideas do you think would be the best for a collection of nonfiction shorts written by me? If you don’t like any of these ideas (and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t), then I’m open to suggestions.

[Garrison]

Al wrote: "Demon Jelly. For sure. ;)"

Two people on Twitter voted for Demon Jelly too. It just might win the poll!

[C.P., Windrunner]

I'm in agreement with Demon Jelly.

[Garrison]

Seems to be a popular choice! :)

[Garrison]

So...I've tallied up the votes all across my social media pages. My nonfiction collection will be called...(drum roll)...Demon Jelly! A big thanks to everybody who participated! :)

[Garrison]

Hey, everybody! You know how I always say, "I hate to be a busybody" every time there's a mistake on this site? Well, it appears I'll have to say it again for the Lost in a Dream contests. The opening date on both the poetry and short story threads is December 11th when the contests actually started in January. I wouldn't fret too much about it, but I figured the admins would like to know. An honest mistake was all it was. Carry on!

[C.P., Windrunner]

Thanks, Garrison! I did them very quickly so must have overlooked changing that after I copied.

[Garrison]

It's okay, CP. :)

[C. J., Cool yet firm like ice]

Yeah you're doing awesome Courtney! :)

[C. J., Cool yet firm like ice]

Happy Easter to everyone who celebrates it!

[C.P., Windrunner]

Happy Easter, CJ!

[Garrison]

Happy Easter, CJ! Eat plenty of Cadbury Cream Eggs!

[C. J., Cool yet firm like ice]

Garrison wrote: "Happy Easter, CJ! Eat plenty of Cadbury Cream Eggs!"

I probably would love to normally Garrison but I'm now on a low sugar diet so no go this year lol!

[Garrison]

I totally understand. Haha! Good luck with your diet! :)

[C. J., Cool yet firm like ice]

Garrison wrote: "I totally understand. Haha! Good luck with your diet! :)"

It's actually going pretty good! I was surprised how much this kind of thing works (when I eat less sugar like not overeat chocolates for example I don't crave more junk!). I started losing pounds not long after. Next up is cutting down my carbs and joining a gym (the latter is something I have never done before so it will be a big step for me, lol!).

[Garrison]

Congratulations on the weight loss, CJ! Keep up the awesomeness! Good habits will help you do that, for sure. :)