I need more hours in the day

[Lynne - The Book Squirrel]

Oh if we could bottle time! i am in the same boat, so much to read and so little time! I am on night duty tonight and tomorrow so hope to do the same! I am part way through Under the Dome and about 8 other books too! It is day 4 of the new year and I have not bought one book! Now am I going to be able to keep this up all year?!

[Jerrod]

Yes Jo, this problem is epic in my house. Between work and family, what little time I have is divided between a few active hobbies. Some hobbies, like drawing/painting, have been tabled until I get into a bigger place or a house to have a dedicated studio/place to work with. I've really only get about 3 hours a day [guaranteed:] to work on any personal project. Another reason I don't get much reading done, but some is better than none.

[Nadia]

Jo, I totally agree with you! More hours in the day would be perfect, because then I would probably be able to cross off a few of the things on my To Do Lists. I try to squeeze as much reading in as I can, but sometimes it is just impossible. I try to sneak read at work, but sometimes it proves to be impossible. Oh well.

[Jim]

Sounds like my problem, too.

[Anita]

I too have this problem Jo, I only work part-time but I do have three teenage boys and my husband and I have a farm and he is a grounds worker which takes up alot of our time plus no holidays, boo hoo. Plus I have been taking, several creative writing courses and I am starting another this month on Writing for children, which I am really looking forward to. But am really torn then, whether I should be writing or reading. It's a really hard decision to make, may be tossing a coin for this problem would help, if of course I have the time!!!!!!!!

[Sadie]

That's one reason I started listening to audiobooks on my ipod. I can get the housecleaning and shopping done and at least listen to a book at the same time. I wasn't sure if I would be able to concentrate on the story if I was listening to it and doing other things, thankfully it turns out that I can follow along. It has helped my productivity immensely...although I wouldn't suggest listening to a book while trying to write one! :)

[Sadie]

ha! ha! Amelia. I've done that a few times myself.

[Diane]

I feel so overwhelmed because of not enough time to do things I need/want to do. I work full time, live with my partner, and volunteer one day a week. That leaves one day for everything else. I don't know how people with children manage (my hats off to you!)

Not to mention the months just zip by...hello, Christmas was almost 3 weeks ago!

[Diane]

It's 11 pm and I've just finished two loads of laundry. still need to shower and put dishes away before bed. Sigh.

[DJ]

Husband has offered to take on more House stuff to let me read,paint,design,volunteer and have extra walks with my girls....
It`s just his ideas about how things need to be done and mine are not tallying up and I seemto have more work sorting things out behind him...
Any Advice?
PS I know that I am probably being completely selfish....

[Diane]

You're not being selfish. How about having him do laundry...sheets and towels only LOL but that's still 2 loads you wouldn't have to do. (and I totally understand about your sorting things out behind him!)

[DJ]

Thanks!
What I need is a guide to Housetraining your Husband!
I can't be that bad at it,I've no problem with Jack Russell Terriers just Husband!

[Jim]

Attempting to house train husbands is dangerous business. If I don't see a need to do something a certain way, I won't. Attempts to get me to do it another way often mean I won't do it at all. For instance, folding underwear. Not happening. All mine is folded, but only because my wife does it. I won't touch it after I put it in the dirty clothes any more. (1 nag too many.)

It's little things like that which can upset a marriage terribly. We've swapped some jobs back & forth over the years that we each do well enough but completely differently such as the bills. She rounds the check book to the nearest dollar. I always keep it to the penny & will spend hours hunting a missing penny.

I generally do the vacuuming & main dusting since I get it done a lot faster. She does the final dusting because she does it better. If the vacuum's brush can't get it, then it isn't that bad, IMO. Since we have 5 dogs (4 Jack Russels) plus all the dust she drags in from the horse barn & I track in from the wood shop, it usually is that bad. (Dust bunnies rearing up to defend their young...)

After living together for as long as we have, we've realized each others limits on some things. Young couples have to work those out for themselves. Just keep in mind the important point - living together in harmony. I've never felt a few dirty dishes or pile of laundry was worth too much excitement. I can ignore either one a lot easier than I can stand her getting pissy.

[DJ]

Hi Jim,
Thanks for your comments...I think the thing is I lived on my own for 12 years before I met Husband(we will be married 10 years this year)but the thing is I was used to a pristine house(I could tell if an ornament had been moved millimeters)Husband new this about me but still makes no effort to try and meet me in the middle.
I take your point about there is more important things,still it would be nice if he would try...
Before I go can I just say congratulations on having 4 JRTs as we have 2 and one day a week we have 4,I'd love to hear more about them.
And in closing can I say thank you for giving me a mans perspective...

[Jim]

It's just my perspective, DJ. The 'need' to do something a certain way can be because it drives my wife nuts. The toilet seat is a good example. The only need I see there is hers, but it's a big deal to her. Not to me, so it stays down. I can move it easily enough.

To me, that pretty much sums up a successful marriage - the ability for both parties not to drive the other nuts. It's the little things that do it, too. The big ones are generally hammered out, but the little ones build until they blow up way out of proportion. The fight is ludicrous & there isn't a central issue to focus on - just a lot of little crap that you can't remember or seems too irrelevant to be causing the anger/hurt you really feel.

So it's best to keep the little crap to an absolute minimum & work it out as it comes along. We often seem to make it an acting game - who can act the most put out by the little problem? Sometimes one gets mad, then the other realizes it's really a big deal to the other, although it seems surprisingly minor to them. Most times we wind up laughing, topping each other with silliness. The point is made, we adjust, no feelings hurt. That probably sounds weird, but it's worked for us for 28 years.

Anyway, these observations are worth what you paid for them. I have no idea if they would work for anyone else.

As for the dogs, Munchkin, is our oldest. He's now 18.5 years old. He fathered a lot of our litters. We no longer breed them, though. One litter of pups each year used to pay for the horses hay for the winter. All three of our current ones are spayed; Harley (10), Amber (3, actually a Parson Russell) & Pixie is just over a year. She's our only wire hair. Molly is my daughter's dog & she's some kind of Australian Shepard mutt. She & Amber were acquired at the same time & act like sisters.

Here's a picture of them all:
http://www.wysiwygwood.com/images/Dog...
My wife & I were watching TV one night & took a break. I had to take a picture of this. Pixie is on top of the couch. She was right above/behind Marg. Molly is the bigger one on the left, Harley is lying next to her with Amber lying on top of both of them. The Old Man, Munchkin, is on the right side of the couch.

Yes, the place is messy; full of books, dogs & dust. Extra blankets on the couch are for the comfort of the dogs since they like to nest. The Tweety Bird towel provides traction on a stool so Munchkin can get up on the couch. He gets cold on the floor.

No, we don't spoil the dogs - it only looks that way.
;-)

[DJ]

Dear Jim will reply properly tomorrow but wanted to say an immediate thanks for the picture.I will try to learn how to post one up as I saw instructions on another site.
You are very thoughtful and patient,
Thank you,
DJ.

[Diane]

DJ - I totally understand that you lived on your own for 12 years and like a pristine house. Me too, as I look at the mess in the kitchen created by my partner...but after reading Jim's post... :)

Jim- I'm thrilled that you have spayed / neutered all of your dogs now. I'm so involved in animal rescue and I see so many that are euthanized ;(..... and how great that Munchkin is 18.5 !! My pomeranian lived to be 15.5 and she lived with me during my gypsy days: Virginia, Baltimore, Boston....she even made it all the way to LA with me. Got me through a divorce too and 2 milestone birthdays (I won't say which ones --LOL). Now I have 3 cats. I look forward to looking at your link!

[Anita]

Hi DJ

I understand totally what you mean, I too get frustrated. I have always been tidy and orderly and was on my own for several years. But my husband is a farmer and I have three teenage boys, I seem to be picking up after and tidying continually. I would just like someone to consider my feelings. :)

Hi Jim, you are right about chooseing the right battles to fight and it doesn't matter in the whole scheme of things, so I don't nag them which leads to much built up frustration, unfortunately. But my mind functions in a clearer enviroment. You obviously have it sussed and I'm very impressed with you hoovering and dusting. :)

[Jim]

I was raised by my mother, a competent farm woman. The only difference in chores around the place are based on strength & ability. I can't have babies & my wife doesn't have the strength to toss hay bales above her head. We raised all the kids (2 boys & a girl) to be able to sew, cook & change the oil on their car. Each got a full set of tools as teenagers. Her toolbox makes my daughter real popular at college.

With teenagers, you definitely have to pick your fights. Keeping them & their friends comfortable at home is better than a clean room, IMO. We had few rules, but those weren't negotiable. Seems to have worked out. They're all doing well out in the world now, although the baby still lives at home when not at college.

With my wife, I avoid fights. If something bugs us, we let the other know ASAP - not when they walk in the door from work, though. The first 30 minutes or so is sacrosanct & we avoid going to bed mad. Lots of conversation helps. A game of Rummy is often much better than TV.

[Sadie]

Jim,
I laughed at your first post about doing chores around the house because they seem to have come from my husband's own mouth! :) And I think it's great that you have taught all your children how to do all that. Too many children are being raised domesticly (sp?) handicapped!

I'm with you DJ, I do like a clean house and if I was living alone it would be that way. Now that I have husband, 8 year old twins and a 4 year old I've had to relax a bit. The kids all have weekly chores to do which helps alot but most of my day is still spent in picking up. My husband and I split the laundry chores (he washes and dries, I fold and put away) but I've had to bite my tongue when folding blue underwear that should be white--that still confounds me! I agree with you about sometimes it makes more work when he decides to "help" (I didn't think I had to explain that the bathroom floor is the last thing to clean, not the first) but I do have to step back and be very grateful that he is willing to help. I have too many friends whose husbands won't lift a finger.