This is not The Haters Club You're Looking For discussion
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I hate that I don't have my own cult!
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I think you're finally getting it, Carlie. People do not become cult leaders destined to be remembered forever by allowing people too many freedoms. Perhaps you need to come up with a mission statement that would attract some mindless worshippers. Then post it on the Internet, sit back and bask in the glory that is cult-dom.
I want my zombies back NB.I welcome any suggestions for cult rules or cult names.
A special name helps, too. Like Sister Carlie. Or Prophetess Carlie Moonbeam.
You: Carlie - Maximum Priestess for Interdimesional SalvationYour Purpose: You hold the spiritual keys to an interdimensional portal that bridges this world and a paradise planet located in the nearby star system of HD 113766. Only followers who purify themselves through your knowledge may enter this promised land.
Rules:
1. All followers must assume the name of Bob
2. All followers must partake of a cleasning diet of nutrition bars composed entirely of chocolate, bacon, tobacco and a mystery powder that is a secret concoction known only to you. This bar is to be consumed 3 times daily.
3. All followers are issued the proscribed cult attire: a loin cloth and an XXL Dice Clay t-shirt. No other clothing is permitted.
4. No outside media influences are permitted.
6. The period of spiritual cleansing shall be no shorter than 1 year. If candidate members fail, they must trade in their Dice Clay t-shirt for a K-Fed tanktop signifying their lower rank.
...that's a start...you can take it from there.
Now that I am a faced f*ck, will you follow KD? I am the sungoddess, leader of the cult of the sun! We spend our lives running Westward to always bask in the glory of the sun for we believe if nightfall ever comes, we will melt.
So far I understand that we need special names, special attire, special diets, random bans, and some kind of cleansing ritual. Is the sole purpose of that to make my followers distinguish themselves from the loser "unbelievers"? Or is it simply an exercise of my mind control over them that I can get them to do seemingly ridiculous things? Would it at all be ok if I just randomly change the rules whenever the whim strikes me (I'd love to make a rule that everyone has to scream bloody murder whenever they see the color pink) or would that make me seem unstable and cause the loss of some ocd followers?
Seriously y'all, if I won the lottery, my first objective would be to lead a cult. But alas, it seems most of the people who are susceptible to mind control are women and children and I'd really like some sexy male worshippers. Which brings me to another requirement, that all male members must bench 150 lbs 20X a day.
Running? That's pure evil. You are the evil sungoddess.
You mean let the men THINK they dominate the women and children. The only reason the ratio of women & children:men is because thus far, only men have been noticed as cult leaders. This may be attributed to greed (you know, 1800 wives, 4000000000000 children tends to make people notice) and uncunning-ness. If you play your cards right, you'll have a cult the size of Delaware and no one will be the wiser. Women have a tendency to be a little more subtle. Like, you don't have to tell the world that you are the Sun Goddess Most High...people will naturally become entranced with you (thanks in part to the secret-ingredient bars) and will have an impossible urge to begin stalking you.
Shoot, when I have my cult, there won'e be any other women. Hot men only to worship me, please.
Donna, yer just a little too good at this cult-thingy. I must increase the size of my zombie horde.
Well I must admit, your cult has a certain appeal about it.
Circle of worthiness...hmmmmmm....that sounds so familiar. Hey! Last time I got caught up in something like that, I got to the 9th circle which involved getting dunked upside down in a pit of my own excrement. Noooooo thank you, I'll stick with the zombies. Sure, they're lousy conversationalists and are rather "ripe" themselves but it's gotta beat the eternal poo bath.
Seth, that absolutely blows. You best talk to Donna...it's something to do with a circle, or ring or whatever.
You've missed one absolutely crucial aspect of cultdom:All followers must cut ties with family and friends. Isolation is utterly critical to any truly successful cult. Cutting ties in a disturbing and irrevocable way is even better. The easy, but perhaps less permanent choice would be to have each cult member, as part of their initiation, write a letter to every family member and close friend, detailing every thing that person has ever done to hurt the cult member's feelings. More permanent (but ultimately more challenging) would be to implant false memories in each cult member's mind of ritual satanic abuse they'd experienced at the hands of their family and friends.
...uh, not that I've given this any thought or anything...
Lesson learned: Folks, do not join a cult whose initiation rite consists of drawing Tippy the Turtle.
You have to be more strict, 3 husbands to every wife sounds good to me!
Don't forget to charge money! Motto is: you get what you pay for...
I've only got one kid and I'm gonna raise her to not want kids anyway so I cant get a cult that way. I dont think I would want to have stupid family members though. That would mean my genes were wanting. I'd prefer stupid strangers who believe I'm the one.
You are all a gaggle of armatures. To have a successful Cult following you have to demand something unreasonable from you following. Once they sign on to do the unreasonable demand you stop them. Thus becoming their savior. Example:
Abraham was ordered to kill his son.
Abraham didn’t want to kill his son.
When Abraham went to kill his son, god stayed his hand.
What is the moral of the story? Obedience. God doesn’t really want you to kill your son. But he does demand obedience.
Do what Carlie says, even if you feel bad about it, and you will be purified and whisked away to neverever land, no free will required around here.
Ok fine, if nobody wants to acknowledge my genius then I will stop giving it.::: runs off pouting:::
armatures.... armatures...Oh, amateurs!
We're all a bunch of amateurs!
Sorry, Nick, sometimes I'm so distracted by decoding you I can't appreciate the wit of your post.
No, you're right. It's like a fraternity initiation where they make the pledges dress up like French maids and serve their frat brothers cookies in the middle of class. Things like that.
Oh, except their frat brothers don't stop them.
Nevermind!
What can I say; I work in mysterious ways ;)
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You could wear your hair however u like, marry whomever you want, dress how you like. I mean for goodness sake u would have freedoms galore. The only requirement would be to help others less fortunate. That would be the only thing u would have to do to get into my heaven. So where are my zombies?
I really really hate that I cant get anyone to follow me. Maybe if I required more, like you must wear a mohawk, 3 husbands to every wife, and pray while doing a handstand, maybe then I'd get some believers. I want my own cult dammit!