Hi, I’m looking for some constructive criticism for a new story I’m writing, any and all advice would be helpful.

[Rowan]

The leaves are turning red and the flowers are wilted, I guess that means fall is here. As I stare out through my bedroom window tinted gold by the dying rays of the sun, I impatiently await the arrival of Rachel and Luca. "Dally!" I hear my brother call from downstairs. What does that punk want now. "Coming." I mutter, as I slide from my window seat and bound out my bedroom door grabbing my beige sweater as I go. I sigh as I reach the end of the stairs thinking about the last time the whole gang got together, I flip the light switch and blink several times as the dull white walls of our hallway come into sharp focus. Anthony is waiting for me in our wood-floor kitchen, and when I open the fridge to grab a soda, he casually swipes the last one out of my hand. "Hey! Give that back!" He swats my hand away when I try to grab it and simply says. "Sorry Dally, but no sugar for you." "What do you mean no sugar for me?! You're not my mother." He shrugs and pops open the can, taking a long loud slurp of the surgery sweet water. "Sugar makes you grumpy sis." Ass hole. "Uh huh, why'd you call me down here? Was it just to be rude?" "Nope. I called you down here to let you know that mom and dad's flight got delayed, they won't be here till tomorrow night." "Great, well while that's very interesting, you could've just texted me." "I didn't see the point since Luca and Rachel will be here any minute." I roll my eyes at him and grab four plates from the shelf by our sink. "Make some popcorn." I order. He grumbles something about me sneaking sugar behind his back, but he still starts making the popcorn. I pull the two pizzas that I made this afternoon out of the oven and carry them to the movie room before coming back to grab a pitcher of water, the giant bowl of popcorn and some water glasses. I've just finished setting up the pillows on the couch when I hear the front door open. I race to the front door and see Rachel hanging her coat. "Dally!!!" I smile and we rush into each others arms. "Oh my god, I feel like it's been ages since I last saw you!" She squeals, I saw her two days ago. "Didn't you two hang out yesterday?" My brother questions. "No smart ass, I had gymnastics yesterday." Rachel scoffs. She didn't have gymnastics yesterday, she skipped class to see a boy- but I'm the only one who knows that. When Rachel enters the kitchen bickering with Anthony, I notice Luca. He looks different, but I guess that's to be expected since I haven't seen him in two years. He's been at college with my brother, in their first year of college they would both regularly visit. But eventually Luca's schedule got so busy that he only had time to visit his family for the holidays, so it's been a long time since I've seen him outside of the pictures that are all over his social media. "Hey Dally." He smiles one of his half smiles that make girls' stomachs do somersaults. "Hey Luca, it's been a while." He laughs quietly as he walks up to me. "Yeah, too long." He wraps me in a tight hug and holds me for three blissful seconds before he steps back and slips into the kitchen. I groan and wrap my sweater tightly around myself before joining them in the kitchen. Jesus Christ, I need to get it together. "So," begins Rachel in her characteristically bright voice. "What are we watching tonight?" Oh no, not this again. For as long as we've had a movie night, we have never been able to pick a movie. And so, when everyone was sick and tired of arguing for hours over what to watch, we came up with what we thought was a brilliant game. It's simple, we split up into two teams and play a twenty minute trivia game. Whichever team wins by answering the most questions gets to pick what movie we watch, but If you can't answer a question on your turn then you have to chug a small glass of coke mixed with lemon juice and hot sauce, it's absolutely disgusting and I had hoped to never taste it again. "No." Says Luca firmly. "I am not drinking that shit again." Yes! Thank you Luca! "Oh me either, that's why we won't be drinking that nasty concoction this time." "Then what are we drinking?" Anthony asks with a curious gleam in his eye. Rachel grins and pulls a bottle of tequila out of her black book bag that was hanging on her shoulder. "Oh hell no." I scoff. I am not letting Rachel get drunk, bad things happen when Rachel gets drunk. "I'm with Dally on this one." Luca says with a frown. "Where did you even get that?" "I bribed creepy earl to buy it for me from Costco." "That is so incredibly stupid that I don't even know what to say." "Well obviously you do since you just said something Dally." She says with a look. "Besides, you're not scared, are you?" "No, but I'm not stupid either." I say. "Oh come on Dally, a few drinks won't hurt." Anthony grins. These two are such idiots. "Shouldn't a big brother try to keep his underage sister from drinking, not beg her to?" I ask with narrowed eyes. "It's not like I'm offering you drugs. Besides, I know you've had plenty of alcohol before." "You have?!" Questions Luca incredulously. "Yup, they both have." He says nodding at Rachel and I. "What the fuck Anthony?!" "What?" He says innocently. "I'm just being honest." "Too much honesty jackass, and how did you even know that I've alcohol before?" He shrugs. "You're a teenager… and Daniel told me about the time he gave you a ride home after Rachel got half drunk when she was supposed to be the DD." I'm going to have to have a talk with Daniel about keeping his trap shut. I don't say anything and instead give Rachel a withering glare. "Hey, In my defense I had just gotten dumped by my boyfriend and was feeling heartbroken." Rachel says meekly. "Ugh, whatever. I don't care anymore." "Wonderful! Let's get started." Anthony starts to open the bottle but Luca stops him by snatching it away. "Not so fast, I still haven't agreed." "Oh cmon Luca, you love to drink!" "Yes, but there is a time and place for such things. And in your parents' house with both of our little sisters is neither the time nor the place." At least one person here is still sane. "But it's only one little bottle of tequila split between four people." Anthony pleads. I smile at Luca's obvious annoyance. "Anthony just let it go," begins Ratchel. "My stick in the mud brother would never have any amount of fun. Not even when celebrating the first time he sees Dally in over two years." "Hey! don't bring me into this." Rachel sticks her tongue out at me. She is so dead, I move to grab her but before I can Luca grabs my arm and says, "fine." Before pulling me into the movie room. "Hey," I hiss. "Why did you agree???" He lets go of my arm and plops down onto an armchair. "It's pointless to argue with those two." That's true, but he was doing such a good job of it. "So you just gave up?" He stares at me with a flat expression on his face and says, "yup." "Oh great, I absolutely love it when you give me single word answers to my questions." "Did you have sugar today?" He asks, that fucking prick. I was about to respond to his rude comment with one of my own when Rachel and Anthony enter the room laughing and carrying shot glasses and the big bottle of tequila. "Alright guys, start writing down your trivia questions!" Rachel shouts. She settles next to me on the couch and Anthony sits in the armchair across from Luca's. "Are we doing girls against boys, or siblings against siblings?" I ask. "Neither," Luca says. "If we do girls against boys then there's a chance that I'll have to watch 'Mean Girls' again. And if we do siblings against siblings, I'll lose." Rachel grabs one of the pillows and throws it at Luca’s head. "You're such a jerk Luka!" He smiles widely and snickers at his sister. "It's not my fault you suck at trivia." I can't help but laugh as I look at her face turning red from anger. "You little... i am going to kill you Luca!" I tackle Rachel around the waist before she has a chance to attack Luca and we both end up going down laughing. By the time we're on the couch again everyone is laughing their faces off.

[Rowan]

I had to cut the snippet from my story in half cuz it was too long.

[Rowan]

Fifteen minutes later we have twenty trivia questions and we're ready to play. "Alright, who's going first?" I ask. I look around but no one speaks up, It's fucking crickets in here. "I guess I'll go." I reach into the white pillowcase sitting on the glass coffee table and pull out the first trivia question. "Okay, it says…" I clear my throat once and take a dramatic breath before continuing. "What was the name of the male dog in 'Where The Red Fern Grows'?" Ha! Who would write this as a trivia question. "Hmmm, I wonder who wrote this one?" I look pointedly at Luca. He's the only one who enjoyed that book. "Do you know the answer or not Dally?" He asks. "The dog's name is Old Dan." I sigh, that book broke my heart. "Looks like you don't have to drink this time." Rachel says in a sing-song voice. Anthony pulls out the next question. "In 'The Walking Dead' what is the name of Neagan's bat?" I wrote that one. "It's Lucinda!" He smiles smugly as if he got it right. "Boooo," I laugh. "You got it wrong wise ass." "What?! No I didnt!" He actually believes that he's right. "He named the bat Lucile, not Lucinda." Luca says. I smirk at Anthony's dumbfounded face. "This is bullshit." He mutters as he pours himself a shot and downs it in one go. "Sore looser." I snicker. He doesn't look at me and instead flips me off. "Rude." He rolls his eyes and sits back down. "Your turn Luca." Luca reaches into the bag and pulls out a question. "You've got to be kidding me." "What?" I question. He groans and reads the question aloud. "What is the name of the song that Taylor Swift wrote with Kendrick Lamar?" I laugh and high five Rachel for her excellent question. "Go on then, what's the answer big brother?" Rachel teases. He doesn't want to answer the question because he knows he'll get it right, and doing so would prove that he listens to enough of her music to know the names of her songs. Of course, he could just give a wrong answer- but he's too competitive for that. Luca somehow simultaneously glares at everyone in the room. "It's 'Bad Blood'." I clap my hands in applause. "Woooh! Looks like we have ourselves a swiftie, right Rachel?" "Damn right Dally." We burst into a fit of laughter as Luca glowers in his chair. "Just go already Rachel." She laughs at his pissed face and grabs the next question. "Alright let's see what we have-" she stops mid sentence and looks at me. "What?" "you're going to hate this." Shit. "What does it say?" I ask nervously. "Uh, maybe I should pick a different one." Anthony jumps from his seat and says. "Oh no, I don't think so. That's against the rules, you have to answer… unless you don't know the answer." He's such a little fucking punk. "Sorry Dally." "It's fine." I sigh. "Just get it over with." "Who was Dalia June Gilbert's first kiss?" "Oh what the fuck? Who wrote that?!" I demand. "I did." Anthony says matter-of-factly. I slowly turn my face to look at him and say, "I will get my revenge, and it will be so much worse than you could ever imagine." He is so dead. "Let's go Rachel, answer the question." Anthony urges. "Dalia's first kiss was in middle-school…" this is the end of my life, my tombstone will read: Beloved Sister, Daughter And Friend. Lived In Joy.... Died Of Embarrassment. "With a boy named Riley Fisher," Rachel continues. "Under the school bleachers." This is so mortifying, I can't believe my first kiss has just been outed in front of my brother and luca. They're never going to let me live this down. "Did you have to give them every single detail?" I muttered.
The rest of the trivia passed by in a blur and soon we were watching "Ocean's 11." Unsurprisingly Rachel and Anthony lost, and I'm pretty sure it was because they purposely answered questions incorrectly so that they could drink shots. I look over at my imbecile of a brother and notice that his eyes have a glazed look, they're clouded as if he's drunk- or tipsy. Ugh, he's such a lightweight. I tune back into the movie when I notice that George Clooney's character Danny, has just set his plan into motion. I love this part, it makes me want to be a thief. Luca was the first person to show me this movie, he said that it was his favorite movie. I was skeptical at first, and didn't want to admit that I liked it because I had pitched a fit about Luca always picking the movies that we would watch when my brother was at football practice. By the end of that week, I had rewatched it at least six times.
By the time the film had ended both Rachel and Anthony were passed out. "Psst, Luca." I whisper. "What?" He whispered back. "You grab the pizza trays and the popcorn bowl, I'll get the glasses and the tequila." I bend down and quietly grab the glasses with the half empty tequila bottle tucked under my arm before I slip into the kitchen. While I was washing the dishes in the sink, I heard a thunderous roar outside and looked up just in time to see a bright flash of lighting cleaving the sky in two. "Woah." I gasp. The rain begins to pour just as I dry the dishes with a towel. "First storm since I've been home." I jumped when I heard Luca's voice, I thought he was a burglar for a minute. "Oh uh, yeah. Guess it is." He chuckles as he puts away the dishes and asks, "you ok Dally?" "Uhm, yeah… I'm fine." "If you say so." I turn around and grab the tequila bottle to pour the rest of its contents down the drain. "Hey," Luca grabs my wrist to stop me. "What are you doing?" With his face this close to mine, I notice the dark circles under his eyes. And for a moment I'm as still as a statue until it clicks in my brain what he meant. "If I leave this here then both of our siblings will find it and then I'll have to deal with not one, but two drunk imbeciles." "Did you just call my sister an imbecile?" I pull my arm from his grasp and say, "obviously." Before dumping out the liquor. "You know," I continue. "For someone who loves alcohol as much as your sister does, she's kind of a lightweight." Luca grins and pokes me in my side. "I could say the same thing about your brother." "I know, so could I." I laugh at his surprised face. "You know," he smirks. "You're sharper that you used to be." "Are you saying that I was dull before?" I question. "No, I'm saying you were blunt." This ass hole. "Take it back." I glare. He just laughs harder. "Fine fine, I take it back… you're still blunt." He takes one look at my pissed off face and bolts for the movie room. "You get back here you little shit head!!!" I yell as I chase him. "I swear to god when my-" I slam into Luca's back. "Hey, what gives…" I don't need an answer from him because I see it with my own two eyes. I don't believe it, it has to be a dream. This- this can't be happening. She wouldn't... she promised. She swore. In one instant the picture of my reality shattered like glass on pavement, all it took was one moment of forbidden passion to end the trust built on the love of two halves of the same person. All it took was a glimpse of something that lived in the shadow of doubt to bring my world crumbling down. I blink back the tears threatening to fall as I stare in horror at the scene unfolding before me. My best friend, who was my sister in every way that mattered. And my brother, who was my family in every way that never has. They're wrapped in each others arms. She's nestled in his lap like she's sat there a thousand times before, and his hand is resting on the small of her back. If this is a nightmare I need it to end, and if this isn't… I need it to end. I stand there, transfixed and unable to speak. I can't bear to witness the sight of their treachery, and yet I can't bring myself to look away. "Rachel?" For a moment I thought I was the one who spoke, but it was Luca. The hurt of their betrayed is as painful to him as it is to me. His eyes are burning with anger and it feels like he could end someone just by looking at them. Rachel and Anthony tear away from each other at the sound of his voice and stare at us in dread. "Luca-" begins my brother. "Don't." I say, my voice hoarse with emotion. "Just- just don't." Rachel leaps from the couch and tries to grab me. I dodge her and race for the door. "Dally!" I hear them calling my name. "Wait!" "Dally please wait!" "Please!" I run barefoot into the freezing rain, slamming the door behind me.