i’m not in a good enough mental state to support my friends

[[deleted user]]

title is pretty self explanatory but basically my friend is kinda insecure, always putting herself down and stuff, comparing herself to me or others, and she always thinks i’m angry at her when i’m not. ik she can’t control it but it going through a depressive episode and need to be alone. i need to be alone right now and i can’t keep comforting her and reassuring her because i can’t handle it anymore. she always feels like a burden to me or that she’s not worthy of my love or doenst deserve me, and she’s right. she doesn’t deserve me, she deserves better than me. because i cannot keep reassuring her she’s worthy and shouldn’t need to ‘deserve’ me and that i value her and think she’s enough. it’s multiple times a day. i want to support her but don’t have the capacity to at this moment in my life. i get she needs help and she’s seeing a therapist, but it’s not working and i cannot keep going on and reassuring her like this. i’ve neglected myself and parts of my life for it and it’s killing me slowly.

i know she needs me rn and needs me to be a good friend, but i can’t be that rn. its too much and i can’t constantly make her feel like enough and convince her i still like her and that i’m not mad at her.

she always thinks i’m mad at her. i’m not, i try to be as cheerful as i can around her. but she’s so insecure about it and thinks i’m always mad at her and she’s a burden, but she’s not and i try to explain this to her but she won’t listen and spirals deeper and i’ve gone as so far to make a long notes FOLDER explaining how she’s enough and how much i love her and how she’s amazing and perfect and good enough and more and how i appreciate her and she’s not a burden. she still consistently complains about being a burden and ugly and evil and how she doesn’t deserve me and idk what to do.

i know it’s incredibly selfish and she needs help and reassurance, and ik she has anxiety and probably an anxious attachment personality, but it’s selfish but i can’t support this and help her anymore. i’ve done all i can and i’m tired. i know she needs help but so do i. i get im kinda shitty for feeling this way but i actually just can’t support her im too unstable mentally at this point in time to continue going on and trying to support her and reassure her. no matter what i do, she’s still insecure and i can’t stop it. i’ve tried everything to reassure her she’s perfect the way she is and i love her, but it won’t go away. her therapist doesn’t work either. i can’t go on like this. im not stable enough to continuously support and reassure her for hours a day multiple times.

i can’t spend hours reassuring her anymore, in person or over text. it’s too fucking much. her insecurities started creeping into me and now i feel like im not good enough to support her. i can’t keep going on like this and comfort her anymore

i can’t comfort her anymore i can’t it’s too much. im not in the right mental space to. i’ve fallen back into my depressive and anxious episodes and can’t talk to her about it because she’s already insecure and can’t handle it. i’ve tried talking about my depressive episodes and she had a nervous breakdown and im scared she might hurt herself. it’s too much. im suffocating i can’t go on anymore

TL ; DR: “there is no greater hell than being in a relationship with an insecure person.”

[[deleted user]]

she just asked me if i’m mad at her again today, after i reassured her i’m not. i can’t anymore im sorry it’s selfish i cant

[Savannah]

Oh bby. If you ever need to talk to someone I’m always here ml <33

[✨sofia✨]

I think you should tell her that. While she may need help, you need to put into consideration that you cannot provide that currently and that you matter too. Even if you feel like you rlly need to help her, I’m not sorry to say that you come first. Best of luck ml

[Shamiii]

Look, I don't even know where to start. This is just my personal opinion and it may not be the right one, but first of all, you're not being selfish. I can understand both, but right now you need to worry about yourself, especially if you're depressed. You should seek help from a good professional who can give you tips and help you in the best way. It's not up to you to always reassure your friend that you like her, that's something that can be acquired with trust. But I think, based on what you've said, that she may have several problems with self-esteem and she should seek help. And if therapy isn't working, try to find out if she's with the right person to help her. It takes a long time for us to see improvements in mental problems. But right now, the priority is you. If you need your space, you have to have it. If you're really afraid that she might hurt herself, then I advise you to talk to someone responsible for helping her. She might feel a bit sad, but I think it will be the most beneficial thing.
I hope I've helped you and believe that you're not alone. 🩷

[Isabel]

Omdss, I have a friend who was in this exact same situation with one of her friends. Bby it's not worth it
I get that she needs reassurance, but if it's affecting you in a negative way, you need to step out of that relationship and breathe. She should also seek help too because you have nothing to do with her low self esteem.
Both of you need to sit down and talk. Tell her that you have your personal issues and that you can't continue reassuring her over and over again. If that is just the basis of your friendship, then it's not going anywhere

[Tasha]

It’s not selfish to want to protect your peace. There is nothing more important than doing what’s best for you. Maybe sit down and talk with her about how you are truly feeling? I can relate to this somewhat as someone with an anxious attachment personality.


I read a good book actually, “50 ways to rewrite your anxious brain” I highly recommend that to your friend, it helped me out