Beta Reader Group discussion
Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query
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Query feedback -- culled and focused character-SF
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Bradley this is a pretty stunning leap forward. You've got the characters, stakes, and sci-fi world coming through.Just wanted to drop this note quickly. I think at this point it's a matter of clarifying some issues (eg. what attracts Staz to Ada, why is the art important, what os Staz hacking, why is Ada a tool or threat, why does Staz try to protect Ada, what are the risks of entering a coma, and a bit more trimming.
These are just bits that leave me a bit confused. Some more clarity and linkages would help me. I sound like my thesis supervisor.... add more clarification but cut :)
Lol, indeed, more clarification but cut. Delicious.I'm honestly unsure how to clarify any of those without worldbuilding, with the exception of their attraction to each other. It's simply disgust of the rest of the world, loving the bright light in each other, and the re-sparking of idealism. It might seem a bit weird in a straight-plot query?
The art itself is only important to Ada's motivation, becoming something more than a notorious failure, and later, when it directly aids her creative transformation.
I'm frankly not sure if that's necessary in a query, although I HAVE written whole queries that focused on that exactly.
As to the coma risk, most of the action is in the virtual (and Dreamtime) field, not in how her friends cart her near-corpse around. It IS a sacrifice, although, to my opinion, not a very serious one, except in time, effort, and stress. Explaining THAT in terms of a coma seems contradictory, however, without describing it as a doorway.
Does this mean I ought to cut it out or just let it nag the reader? lol
In 2139 AD, aboard the Ring, a space station encircling Earth, sixteen-year-old hacker Anastazja “Staz” Kenostaphos falls for the brilliant but pain-stricken artist Ada Stahl. Raised by high-ranking ambassadors and trained to use powerful nanotech tools for political gain, Staz has grown disillusioned with her parents’ relentless pursuit of power. Seeking something real, she connects with Ada, captivated by her strength and creativity.
As a baby, Ada survived relentless scientific experiments to adapt her to the nanotech that’s essential for human life in space. Hailed as a miracle for surviving among countless stillbirths in space, she is nevertheless abandoned when it becomes clear she will never fully integrate with the tech. A decade later, Ada lives in constant pain as a technological outcast, pouring her suffering into her art.
When Ada’s condition starts corrupting vital nanotech systems, Staz’s hacking accidentally makes things worse, triggering political cover-ups and a dangerous conspiracy. Factions across the Solar System, from the authoritarian Space-Ops to rebellious Earth polities, see Ada as both a threat and a tool. But worse, her growing abilities might be endangering the very nanotech that supports all life.
As tensions rise, fears grow that Ada’s corruption could spread, making space uninhabitable and dooming humanity. Determined to protect Ada, Staz enters a coma to rally the outraged, the artistic, and the autistic through the Dreamtime while slowly transforming Ada herself through remote neural links. But when war erupts, all eyes are on Ada, with countless factions vying to grab the renewed prize—or threat—that she has now become. For Staz, making a difference has boiled down to pure survival.
Complete at 115,000 words, Virtual Graffiti is a Cyberpunk Adventure for fans of Adrian Tchaikovsky’s Lords of Uncreation and Christopher Paolini’s To Sleep in a Sea of Stars.