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Venting/Trauma Dump

message 56:
by
Riley ☆Semi-Hiatus☆~Their little monster drinker~, Helps people feel Valid
(new)
Idk how to help u storms and yk that! But i will be here as long as u let me! I love u and u are a wonderful person!

suicide isnt even crossing my mind
life is amazing!
im doing so mych better in tests as well
that bICTH- i hate her sm
ok that was kinda mean
but she made me want to die ok... i needed a break, dying felt like the only option
i feel feel so much lighter... like a feather with her off my mind honestly
*proceeds playing feather*

ugh i miss my summer tho.. i'd be a bit happier knowing i wouldnt have to talk to her a school again



Thank you. He has actually walked into my room in the middle of the night and just started yelling waking my whole entire household up (I have insomnia so maybe that's why he was yelling at me). He has been violent in the past as of throwing boiling hot coffee at me and shoved me into a bookcase. He is just a nasty person in general and I have been trying to convince my family to out him in a nursing home because I don't feel safe at all at home




(im sorry, im autistic, so i just want to make sure im reading this right TvT)


message 87:
by
Riley ☆Semi-Hiatus☆~Their little monster drinker~, Helps people feel Valid
(new)
TW:medical things ig! So umm i just found i have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and i might need to start using aids to get around. And



and the thing is- she was calling me and that other person toxic, like i can be toxic if you want someone toxic

Hey everyone! I hope y'all are having a great day. If y'all don't mind, I really need to get this off my chest because I think having three breakdowns over it today is a little overkill.
Basically, I'm very lonely. Always have been, and I thought I got used to it since no friends ever reached out to me or invited me to anything. But in the past two years, things have gotten really hard when I figured out I'm gay. I live in Mississippi and, well, y'all probably know the story of the closeted gay kid living with homophobic parents and surrounded by bigoted people.
Anyway, sometimes this lonely feeling comes and swoops in like an unwanted neighbor and leaves me completely wrecked. Well, I'm feeling like shit and a friend of mine's coming into town after living so far away. I get hopeful that maybe with some good 'magic of friendship' power they can make me feel alright for a minute. We meet up with another mutual friend, and as I'm feeling like I just got rammed into by a semi, they start talking homophobic/transphobic nonsense.
It's just...so lonely. I've got no one to talk to. I had one friend who's like a sister to me (and who's also gay), but she's in bootcamp rn and doesn't have the time to write me back any letters. My 'friends' and 'family' all tell me these hateful things, and although they don't know, it still hurts. Some part of me wants to just rip off the band-aid and tell it to the world, and but the other (and I guess more sensible) part is asking me if they deserve to know.
I could write an entire book on how my mother is a conspiracy theorist conservative Christian and how she'll probably tell me I'm brainwashed because of leftist propaganda. But I think the thing I cannot forgive her for is not considering anxiety medication for me. Anxiety has been my companion and frankly the biggest pain in my ass my entire life and she cannot give me medication because of 'big pharma' and how I'll become addicted to the aborted fetuses they put in the medicine.
Anyway, the crying's over and I'm tired. Thank y'all for reading this. I'm trying to not give in over the pressure, but it's like being stabbed a thousand times over and pretend like everything's okay and that you're not bleeding out dying for someone else. I'm not too sure where to go from here or what should I do for my sakes so if any of y'all got recommendations, please let me know! <3

Why is the news so 'important' like yes it tells you about things, but yet it can very easily lie to you! My grandparents watch Fox and its the most annoying and now all that's on it is about how someone tried to assassinate Donald Trump, and it was one of his own and I'm a little annoyed about it not only because my grandparents have it on constantly but I'm pretty sure they are trying to get me to like Trump, and care about the presidency and shit, and I got yelled at saying 'YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT YOUR PRESIDENT' or something like that! It's annoying, and as a nonbinary I also hate my grandparents for plenty of other reasons, they are Anti-LGBT and I have heard my grandpa call a trans person (they were MtF) a male running with females, and it was on the news. They are also against women's rights and as a biological woman, I hate it because I feel like they don't really do anything.


I'm turning 15 tomorrow, and I only see them in the summer at least, but they want me for weeks at a time and all the news talk is stressful, and at least they let me grab LGBTQ books, but I don't think they realize it's gay or whatever, but I hate when my grandpa calls me names, like it's either gendered, like 'baby girl' or offensive such as 'baby thing' or 'baby It'


No, thankfully my dad uses the right pronouns and everything for me, but I'm honestly sick of being called 'baby girl' and my dad says I can tell them but I'm terrified about what they will say.....and it's not just my grandpa, it's my aunt calling me it too



I don't wanna talk abt what happened but quick run-up is that a person that I began to trust with some of my problems, like my attempts at suicide, she literally went and told them all to this other person, whom I did not at all liked and that person started being exceptionally cruel to me, even after I confirmed that the events were true. She called me a pick me and an attention seeker and said mean things like the school doesn't have a place for me, a pick me, and that I was acting emo and was doing it for attention. It was a literal cry for HELP for God's sake!
And people keep on treating me like absolute filth, calling me a pick me, an attention seeker, and telling me to learn my place. Especially some boys, they are horrid.
So I like break down literally every day and I can't do this anymore, like wtaf do you want me to do?
And I can't take this anymore, I lost my clean streak again, bashing my head with a bottle and banging it into walls. Not too hard tho, I'm way too much of a coward to do that.
And I rlly wanna die at like, almost all the time, but in the end, when I'm like one second away from doing it, I back out cuz I'm too much of a coward to go through. And I always say thar I'll make my like better but I never do...
So my grandfather is getting the early signs of dementia
The thing is though he has been getting a lot more verbally abusive
I am worried it might become psychical and idk what to do